Rocklahoma 2013

Somwhow, I found myself once again at a Fairgrounds camping site about 30 miles east of Tulsa to spend three days in scorching heat, surrounded by total white trash, insufferable festival employees/volunteers and the most generic of Metal/Rock and Roll . Rocklahoma 2013 –

How did this happen? …and AGAIN you say? –

I first attended the festival back in 2009 – after returning from the UK, some friends in Red Leather, a Hair Metal tribute act invited me and I thought it would be fun – tons of washed up 80s Hair Metal bands in rural Oklahoma defintely sounded like a joke gone too far but we ended up having one of the best times I’ve ever had like ever. So much so that we had to follow it up in 2010 to almost equal success. The hat trick was derailed in 2011 on the ACTUAL DAY we were leaving for the festival by a series of unfortunate events. I didn’t even bother to look at the lineup for last year (2012) –

So this year a few of the bands I work with were playing and I was approached by the producers of the Festival to conduct some backstage video interviews for my new web series.  Also my friends Clutch, the Sword & Scorpion Child were already on tour together and that stop of the tour was simply going to be folded into the festival. Looking back, and especially after all the baffling disrespect we suffered this year, I’m surprised this was enough to get me up there but it did – so here goes:

First the How We Got There is interesting and will introduce you to our cast of characters –
I had decided to get it together and go pretty much last minute meaning the week of the festival – Going with the people I went with in past years is really no longer an option and so I asked around and was getting no takers. I had 4 laminates that would provide access to the festival, food & drink including beer & a reserved camping spot all set –  I asked just about everyone and still had no takers but now I had committed myself to meetings, the interviews and lot of other business activity – Finally my friend Keith, who is someone I’ve known for over 15 years but before The Big Four concert in NYC, I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years. We bonded & got reaquainted in NYC (2011) and have hung out a few times since –
Keith is unconventional and is always roaring to go and sure enough with only a few days to prepare he was on board.

Part of the bargain if his wife was going to allow him to go (this was also Memorial Day weekend) was that he must take two of his teenage children with us. I had four passes and agreed.

The kids:

Alex – 13 year old girl, whom ironically was at times my only link to the sane world and often the only voice of reason I could count on – That speaks to her advanced maturity and off the charts charm as well as the nature of the environment for which I was now in.

Matthew – 15 year old boy, and a red-headed step-child LITERALLY! – Like I couldn’t write this – Keith is married to Matt’s mom but not Matt’s father – Alex and Matthew are not blood related as Alex is Keith’s daughter from a previous relationship. Matthew has yet to grasp the concept that boasting constantly only makes him look bad and the people around him uncomfortable. Matthew really does have red hair.

So on the morning of the first day of the festival Keith and the gang come pick me up and I’m introduced to the crew and off we go, headed North to Tulsa and parts unknown for three days of at Camp Capo (that’s their last name).

We arrived at the fest late, but we joked the whole time it didn’t matter, because no matter how late we arrive, Axl Rose would be even later. (Of course we were right.)

Some of the attendees were of questionable nature, with a variety of tattoos and T-shirts expressing various viewpoints that are, shall we say, somewhat extreme. No doubt rural Oklahoma, with its various billboards on abortion, meth addiction and Christianity prominently displayed outside of the reaches of Oklahoma City and Tulsa, is a more likely place to encounter such a phenomenon, but realizing I was standing behind a man who has “WHITE” tattooed down one arm and “POWER” tattooed down the other was still unsettling to say the least. —

There were some fantastically terrible tattoos on display. Note to self: Invest in a laser tattoo-removal chain in the Oklahoma area ASAP.

Day 1

After a major cluster of actually entering the grounds and staff that had no idea what was going on, we are finally shown our campsite that is easily as I mentioned several hundred yards further from the festival as in the previous years I’ve attended. I leave the Capos to set up camp while I make the long sojourn to the festival site, to claim our credentials and get everything settled. As I’m walking up, I hear the familiar strains of Ratt –

RATT

Reduced to an afternoon slot rather than a headlining position like they were in the first year I came back in 2009 (where they performed all of Out of the Cellar) – however with bassist Juan Croucier back in the band it was amazing how much tighter and just better they sounded here than they did then.

The Sword

Not surprising as no one really comes to this festival to be challenged, but to put a band of the quality of The Sword on a side stage at 5:15 p.m. on a Friday to play to precisely no one is such a terrible decision you have to ask if the person that drew up the schedule even knew what they were doing – My guess is they didn’t –

Once they were in place for these respective performances, I went to go re-join the Clutch guys and to prepare for their show that was coming post (haste).

Clutch

I meet back up with Oscar & the Clutch gang and we do our usual routine while their waiting to go on. I loved seeing people getting their shit together and coming to the side of the stage to watch. As in past years this festival is being MC’d by  – Eddie Trunk –
I was surprised yet happy to see him make his way all the way over to the little side stage to watch them play. Neil recently made an memorable appearance on Trunk’s show. So here I am now, watching side stage, sandwiched between Trunk and the dudes in the Sword ready for Maryland’s finest –

People think its so cool when your watching a band and see the people watching from sidestage and aspire to that for some reason, but let me tell you something: I’d much rather be out in the crowd, enjoying it as a fan and rawking out. You can see much better from out there too as I could barely see anything watching from backstage and my pics prove that – so enjoy this amazing pic that our photographer Jaimie Henson took –

The show was brief even for a festival set and of their own standards.

Device

So I was giving the Clutch guys some space to cool down after their gig I went out to main population to find the Capos and hang with them for a bit.
For now they were anticipating the band Device, a band that 5 mins prior I’d never heard of and wasn’t until they were onstage did I get it that this is the new band from David Draiman, the dude from Disturbed –
New band sounds exactly like old band, new name is very similar and their single Villify is almost identical is sound, scope and even name to Disturbed’s Stupify –
I almost thought one was a parody of the other with look-alikes and I would have believed it too – Villify, Stupify, who is buying this garbage? A walking punchline.
They even did this really silly thing where the dude from Papa Roach comes over and joins them for a cover of the over-the-top sentimental 80s ballad Close My Eyes Forever from Ozzy & Lita Ford

Guns N Roses

….and as if its just a part of the show, of course he was almost an hour late taking the stage. Like in order to protect his mysterious persona going on on time would kill that, no matter the inconvenience. Neil quipped:  “Hey Axl…keep up the good work…the corn dog guy is making a killing!

We made it to the stage in time to see Axl mangle Live and Let Die and as the 51-year-old ex-baddest boy in the business struggled to hit any type of pitch or remember most of the lyrics it dawned on us what we were in for. An aging crazy person’s personal fashion show.

Axl took every opportunity to disappear backstage and change clothes. Each song ended with a solo by one of the band’s members, which would then be transitioned into a lead-in solo for the next song. This gave Axl enough time to amble off stage, change into a new leather jacket, garish T-shirt and matching hat. During the 13-minute (!) version of Bob Dylan’s Knocking on Heavens Door (a song about suicide, that Axl cluelessly dedicated to the tornado victims of Moore), we experienced three separate breakdowns, and what felt like four separate Axl costume changes. This wasn’t a Guns N’ Roses show, this was Axl.

For all the pomp, pageantry and excess,there was a lack of focus. Even though the simple fact that a Guns and Roses gig, with Axl Rose singing some of the most memorable, catchy, and energetic rock songs of the last thirty years can take place in 2013 should be something special, it never felt anything more than a painful two-hour plod by highly recompensed musicians well past their expiry date. It was the sort of big rock gig you could have seen anywhere. Big names at festivals usually aspire to produce not only a great performance but something that transcends even their usual performance, to deliver something memorable.

Guns and Roses was not that sort of gig. I’m not a GNR purist, I managed to catch them once back in 1992 and that was only because they were playing with Faith No More & Metallica otherwise I wouldn’t have – but I still think I’m qualified to say that this was NOT Guns N Roses – who could have imagined all these years you would see Bumblefoot singing lead on one of his own songs as part of a Guns N Roses production. Just a true mess –

Setlist – 

Chinese Democracy
Welcome to the Jungle
It’s So Easy
Mr. Brownstone
Estranged
Rocket Queen
Live and Let Die (Wings cover)
This I Love
Catcher in the Rye
You Could Be Mine
Sweet Child O’ Mine
Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 (Pink Floyd cover w/ Axl on piano)
November Rain
Objectify (Bumblefoot cover w/ Bumblefoot on lead vocals)
Don’t Cry
Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door (Bob Dylan cover)
Nightrain

Encore:

Patience
The Seeker (The Who cover)
Paradise City

I make it back to camp where the Capos are already and have everyting graciously setup for us. They kids still wired from the days events and this being their first concert experience.  But after a 7hr car ride and sets from 7 bands concluding with what felt like a 7 hr Axl Rose cluster fuck I was ready to hit the hay.

Day 2

Last night’s GNR performance was a true debacle, but the supporting cast were hardly stellar either, with the bookers unwilling to take many chances outside of the most generic of metal. Besides Alice in Chains, there really literally no other band I was even remotely anticipating.

Halestorm

However, a beacon of surprise and hope came early (thankfully) as the first band to hit the Main Stage on Day 2 was another band I was also completely unfamiliar with Halestorm – 

I saw the listing and just assumed another dumb band with an even dumber name, but I get it, the singer’s name is Lizzie Hale (get it? Halestorm) and she is a bona fide fucking bad ass. I’ve always loved female rock singers and she was impressive. Smokin hot, can sing her ass off, and just fucking swagger and confidence to spare, that’s really to be commended in this boy’s club genre and this clearly sexist environment. She even pulled off a note-perfect cover of Ronnie James Dio’s Straight Through the Heart – you don’t see singers covering Dio because who could? Answer: She can –
The Aha! moment came when I recognized their last song – So sad that a talent this monstrous is marketed the same as the medicore swill that occupies Clear Channels airwaves and a crime that she was going on before three of its biggest offenders whose individual names collectively are perhaps the dumbest ever assembled – 

Skillet/Asking Alexandria/Bullet for my Valentine

First off a band called Skillet? That’s their name? Holy shit –

The band Skillet plays up the God card to this Southern crowd – When you see an overweight drunk woman in leather shorts 3 sizes too small respond to the Gospel with an enthusiastic “Fuck Yeah!” its a sight you don’t soon forget. Going to rock shows, especially in the South, is weird because on one hand, you see tons of moral-less methheads & white trash that are here to get as fucked up & rowdy as possible in hopes that eventurally the girls will get naked (and they often do) – At the same time, those some revelers and this encumbers this geographically is that the whole thing is governed by this God-fearing/Troops supporting righteousness of the right conservatism. They are led by a husband and wife team (think of a nu-Metal Jim and Tammy Faye) and backed by violin and cello – its as insufferable as it sounds.

Then a double shot from the U.K – different country, same incredibly dumb names – The first being Asking Alexandria – a band I’ve been forced to write about in the past because it seems they are at every festival I attend and are the current t-shirt de jour for the Hot Topic set

Next was probably the heaviest band at the festival but with that same contrived sound & look with a name I can’t say with a straight face – Bullet for my Valentine –

You could feel that in past years that the promoters have been slowly wanting to get away from their Hair Metal origins of the festival and shooting for (what they think) is relevant and have the ability to compete – It was clear that they went all in this year and in what appeared they simply asked their 14 year old daughters what they were into and proceeded accordingly.

On the third and smallest stage, two bands that fit more of that Sleaze Rock of the late 1980s that were inspired by Glam Rock of the 1970s, were about to fire up. First was Wildstreet, some friends of mine from NYC whom I’ve worked with in the past were about to go on. They, and their previous incarnation Dirty Penny, have been stalwarts at this festival for several years and where I originally met them.

Next was this band Lynam who I crown the unofficial ambassadors of the festival as they roved like a gang and were in constant motion, dressed like Shout at the Devil era Motley Crue, you couldn’t help but notice them and they couldn’t help but cause a stir and they were literally everywhere I went.

I was suppposed to interview them for my show earlier today but I guess that had more roving to do
As they left the stage, though, anticipation was building for Alice In Chains. The sun was going down facing the main stage and the incredibly poor attendance of the previous night had been transformed into a crowd of thousands, steaming both from the humidity and from the amounts of booze being consumed.

Alice in Chains

The stage was dark, sparse even, with a giant screen behind the band showing simple imagery. All the band members were dressed in black, and nothing on the stage, very low-key. This was something I was approaching with great anticipation and given the circumstances the most optimism I could muster.

The AIC catalogue is one that is deeply personal to me and some of the best times in my life are attached to it. Say what you wil as they can be an easy punchline then and now but none of that matters to me – I was fortunate enough to have seen AIC with orginal and now deceased lead vocalist Layne Stayley three times, all with my best friend Chris whom those great times they were providing the soundtrack for were being shared with.
This will be my first taste of the new singer, so this will be my first Alice in Chains show in 19 years.

Jerry Cantrell, looking good for his age, with a slightly weathered visage and short grey hair, pulled off the complex solo of the opener with no visible effort whatsoever, no grandstanding on a monitor, no running around. Just a supremely talented musician playing a classic solo with the minimum of fuss but the maximum of focus and application. It was note-perfect.

Though Cantrell shared and even did most of what I would say is the “heavy lifting”, obviously the weight was resting on new singer WIlliam DuVall. How od you replace the irreplaceable? – The answer is you don’t, and Duvall is smart/cool enough to know that and was totally at home being the frontman, all fuzzy hair and coolness.

He is not a replacement frontman living in the shadow of the band’s previous singer, he is the real deal, continuing this band’s legacy and has recorded now two new LPs with. You are talking to a guy that was prepared to throw fucking tomatoes or simply just try to sing along to some really great old songs, instead I was floored by what I was witnessing and what we all were being treated to.

Down In A Hole was almost spiritual in its quality, the harmonized vocals drifting into the ether – There was no pretension about it whatsoever – It was a close-your-eyes, hairs standing up on the back of the neck, mesmerizing performance. So was the strength of their back catalog, an oft-overlooked aspect of their career that gets lost underneath the big radio hits – Damn That River sounded so good I literally wanted to cry.
A minimum of fuss throughout the set, with virtually no breaks in the action, a performance that showed the band are still an incredible presence perfectly capable of playing a relevant show, something that is astonishing when you consider Facelift came out in 1990.

For the final track of the evening, the rock radio classic cut Rooster, Jerry Cantrell’s father, a native Oklahoman and the subject of the song, came onstage and waved a brief hello to the gathered masses. It wasn’t overblown, it wasn’t gimmicky. It was just touching, thoughtfully done, and followed by a performance that was enthralling, and deeply memorable. 

Thoroughly satisfied and this being the last act on the Main Stage today – I head back to Camp Capo.
I hadn’t really seen the Capos much today due to my schedule so I enjoyed swapping stories and hearing the kids’ excitement. They were feisty and also Keith was still wired from the day looking for more action. Normally its fun to roam the camprgrounds after-hours as its one big party and something that I was looking forward to doing but there was just a darkness this year that gave a very lawless feel, even more so than usual. So I declined their invitation to go excavating but I found trouble right where I was sleeping – more on this later in the story.

Day 3

This being the final day and I had alot to do for my bands and for my show today. Yesterday I had Station & Scorpion Child on my internet radio show and today I was going to interview New Day Dawn from New Jersey and wanted to catch them before then as well as Scorpion Child.

New Day Dawn

Unbeknownst to me their was actually a 4th stage, this one located out in the middle of the campgrounds (imagine having to camp in the space next to it?) and New Day Dawn had the misfortune of going on first at noon which is insanely too early for Rock and Roll for this crowd especially on the third and final day of an exhausting weekend. That didn’t stop leader Dawn Botti and her group from bringing the noise however –

Dawn is this spitfire that commands your attention and is equally friendly and inviting with great vocals and a kick ass band behind her.

Scorpion Child

Just by looking at these guys can you guess where they are from? If you guessed Austin, TX you would be right – Being from Texas myself I can easily identify that Southern Fried boogie thing with hipster a la Austin stylings. Ever since The Sword broke out a few years ago I’ve been anticipating some others to follow suit in that same style – These guys are not entirely original but certainly not copycats either and turned in a very enjoyable set that was perfect for the early afternoon.

Dokken

You know how their’s the Big Four of Thrash Metal? – If their were an official Big 4 of Hair Metal, at least in terms of the States in the 1980s, Dokken would def would be one of them. Everybody’s heard of them, and a name you equate with that time and it’s fun with no apologies. Sadly of bands from that time they are among those that have aged/faired the worse. Namely because the singer and band’s namesake Don Dokken, is a complete embarassment.
You know how Steven Tyler, while in his 60s can still hit all the notes and look the part in spite that he snorted most of Peru? This guy is in his 50s and not only can he no longer hit the high notes, he really has no business singing at all – it’s really that bad. And when he pathetically tries to stuff his atrocious shape into a pair of black leather pants – it looks like what it would look like if your Dad tried the same thing, and with a set time of 2pm in this heat, you were more concerned that he was gonna have stroke than what songs they were gonna play.

Down to just him and original drummer Mick Brown, it’s still hard to not wanna cheer them on and their were plenty of people who were trying to relive something that were used to seeing on MTV when they were much younger. Their was this guy down front who had brought not one but what appeared to be their entire discography on vinyl (hope with this heat, he had enough sense to bring just the sleeves) holding them up and going crazy.
This older but still sexy MILF started talking to me around song 3 like she knew me – She wasn’t shy to tell me (and anyone who would listen) how turned on this band gets her, and at the end of each song, she would cresendo not with “Hell Yeah!” but she would lean forward and say “Just bend me over baby!” and she said it directly to me several times – Sorry mom, not today.

Steel Panther

If you don’t already know, this band is equal parts parody/tribute to 80s Hair Metal Sunset Strip style. Starting as a cover band and now they do all originals with very NC-17 content lampooning all cliques associated with that Rock and Roll lifestyle from that era to great and hilarious affect. I’m not really one for low-brow humor but these guys are sooooo much fun, can play their asses off, and they bring it so hard, they are irresistable.

Whenever I’m in Los Angeles, I go to their show every Monday night in Hollywood – I can’t help it – So it was fun to watch them outside of that environment and with the steam they’ve picked up this year, it was so rewarding to see people go from “Well I’ve heard of them” to becoming instant converts not expecting the show to kick so much ass and be so funny. They are true fans of the genre and where the parody/tribute line gets most blurred is that the play to the same people that envied/participated in those excess cliques  they are sending up so you get that same crowd. I’ve never seen them in Hollywood without their being naked girls on stage and total debauchery backstage just like the real thing. It was neat to singer Michael Starr standing on the side of the stage rocking out like a true fan during Dokken’s earlier set.
And that’s the sad thing, the tribute band/comedy act gets and deserves a higher billing because they actually brought what anyone that was watching Dokken was hoping for, a sleazy, energetic, fun and memorable Rock show.

I now had to head to the Media Tent to do my radio show today – I had met up on Friday with my photographer, Jaimie Henson and her daughter Kylie. Jaimie is actually a local that I ironically met the first year we came here and we got along so well and she is so talented (most of the photos you are enjoying in this post are her handiwork) and lovely that we have stayed in touch and I’ve hired her for every year since. She brought her daughter along this year who I met for the first time who was super cool like her mom and hanging with these two was a major highlight for me.
After I finished my interviews, I just kinda hung out, staying cool in the tent waiting for Cheap Trick to come on. There were no bands I wanted to see during that time, was exhausted and spent as this being the last day, and I wanted to give my laminate to Kylie to go see the bands she was so excited to see since security were being such dicks – A practice I had been doing for her all weekend because she deserved to enjoy this – me? I’ll stay in the tent haha
…and that’s what I did as they headed out to see Hollywood Undead and Motionless in White, I went to go eat and get ready for Cheap Trick who are one of my all-time faves.

Cheap Trick

I was disapointed by how all weekend long when people would ask me what bands I was most looking forward to and I would respond with Cheap Trick and they would give me that over-used “Seriously?” thing. Fuck you, as the Asian girl intro said, “here’s the greatest fucking band in the world”

No one – do you hear me? No one is kicking it this hard, this legit and this real at this age – and really age shouldn’t even come up as they look, sound and play just as strong as ever – It only comes up because you can’t help but marvel and how much they are beating the odds. These guys still tour like their in their 20s as this is probably the 3rd show I’ve seen in the last year or so. Great band, great show.

Korn

For those interested – the big story here was the return of guitarist Brian “Head” Welch which you probably already know made a leap of faith to Christianity after some meth-fueled years and left the band. Eight years later he is welcomed back (jury is still out if he’s still suffering from his Jesus hangover) into the band and they seemed all the better for it.

I’ve seen these guys a dozen times over the years and this wasn’t a bad show by any means and again they seemly energized with Welch’s return but I reached saturation and every song they played just meant I was that much closer to going home.
As they were wrapping up their final song I was more than halfway back to camp, and in my mind I was already have way back to Texas. And due to some dysfunction in the Capo ranks back home, we were headed back tonight.
Another crazy year had come to an end – I wanted to give attention and bring focus to the experience to paint an accurate and the most complete picture possible.

The Campground

The Rocklahoma campground could be best described as the world’s biggest Beertail party. RVs, campers and tents litter the grounds, beer cans fill the trashcans, music is blared and shots are taken. Customized golf carts dart around, blasting music as passengers sip drinks and “WOOO!” at each other. As the nights dragged, the booze flowed freely, people in no shape to drive got behind the wheel and others piled in the back of whatever vehicle they could. They cruised for a bigger party and more booze, paying little attention to where they were going.

Sadly Friday morning (we didn’t arrive until Friday evening) we heard that 36 yr old Mary Jo Woods of Pryor, Oklahoma, was run over by a driver while lying in a field on the campgrounds and suffered serious injuries to her abdomen and leg. Life flight was called in to airlift her to a Tulsa hospital. This is madness.

We witnessed an obviously drunk man careen the campsite in a small sedan barely missing vehicles and people as he tried to find whatever he was searching for. Eventually a group of men stopped him and asked him to step out of his car; he had clipped their tent while driving. The man proceeded to speed off. He missed where we were sitting by feet. Security struggled to keep up. The concert-goers mostly attempted to self-police. And that’s exactly what we had to do (or better yet our neighbor did) the following night when I was awoken by a minivan with more passengers hanging from the outside of it than on the inside, deciding to park in the barely 20 ft space between my tent and our neighbor’s, barely missing me, scaring the shit out of me and getting out and climbing on the top of the van (this was around 4am) and screaming and drunkenly hollering like their wasn’t anybody, let alone thousands of people sleeping nearby, not to mention to physical threat it may have caused.
Our neighbor, just some good ol’ boy from nearby who came alone and was sleeping in his truck, got out before I even had the chance to, and they were officially in his camping space – approached them with a tire iron and told them the “get the fuck out here” in no in certain terms. Thankfully they complied without incident, but it was THIS type of thing that I saw literally nothing of in the two previous trips here.
Not to mention the existential dillema that I was laying in a field in no-where Oklahoma almost ran over in my sleep (which may have been welcomed after seeing Skillet).

People were paying hundreds of dollars to camp, drink and watch music. Because of attendance this year, some waited hours, just to get into the campgrounds the first day. Some freedom should be given. Still, an open camp space is not a road, and it shouldn’t be used as one. Yet I saw 50 cars speed past where our tent was. More security could have prevented this, but the security they did have was too busy keeping us from accessing the food tent that our credentials clearly allowed us to enjoy.

Shout out to the couple having really loud and aggressive sex in their tent while blasting Linkin Park.

​Security/Festival Personel

If you read any part of my long-winded bullshit anyhwhere in this post – let it be this one.
Never in my life have I ever been treated so poorly and without any resemblance of human extension or independant thought from a disorganized, confused, a taste-of-authority and hierarchy obsessed band of illerate fucking chimps the way we were bludegeoned with their capacity for nothing horseshit.

These unhelpful and drooling mutants were the bane of our existence at every turn. Their are too many instances to list them all so here are the “greatest hits”.

1) At one point, I was actually trapped in the Media Tent because at both exits I was told by someone different every 15 mins that I couldn’t go that way. This should really illustrate all you need to know, but please allow me to indulge:
2) As a member of the Media, instead of being treated like working personel that was bringing attention and money to their little party in the middle of nowhere, we were treated worse than trash with hiarchy obsessed little trolls who think life is really how it is on the E! Network – Here is the heirarchy:

a) Artists and different levels given their fame status.
b) Fans that have paid (been extorted) a small fortune to sit in a VIP section that is nothing more than splinter riddled wooden bleachers.
c) Everyone else.
d) Members of the Media

Fame and money dictate this order by hicks from the middle of nowhere who dream of it.
Here an Artist is an untouchable entity that should be worshipped….or those fans that paid enough to be treated fairly.
That “VIP” section I mentioned? It takes up about the first 50 yards or so of every angle by the stage – It’s the weirdest/saddest thing that proves my point entirely when you see a band on the Main Stage and the first 50 yards are barely populated because can’t or are unwilling to pay their astronomical asking prices and are forced to stand in General Admission behind the bleachers like they don’t even belong here.
The bands are force to play to this weird setup of empty seats and then a horde of fans too far to care.
Oh and the Media? They mean even less because they didn’t pay anything to be here so therefore should be erridicated.

Our passes weren’t worth the paper they were printed on and I was denied entry at every turn to every part of the festival including the catering tent that was setup for us. The resentment that we didn’t pay would only be satisfied if we were forced to pay $10 for some ghastly turkey leg.

At one point having reached my breaking point after being told something different by literally every person we spoke with, I along with the Capos headed to the catering tent, determined and undettered – only to be stopped once again by an elderly woman who looked like she was once part of the cast of the Police Academy movies.
Fed up, I told her that enough was enough, I had young teenagers to feed and we were going to go eat and she could do whatever she liked.
Great, I gave her just the excitement she was looking for as we hadn’t taken two steps when this super butch older lady comes careening in on her golf cart telling us that she is the head of security and that for us to be back here, we needed what I thought she said was a “guide pass” –
“Oh we need a guide now? ok how about YOU be our guide and take us to get something to fucking eat” I shouted and then she corrected me – “No, not a guide pass, a GOD pass”

A God pass ladies and gentlemen – that’s what they were calling an All Acces Pass – God

I rest my case.

The Press Tent

Ok so the little tent that was seemingly purposely and ruthlessly placed on the furthest reaches of the grounds, that could only be accessed by walking ALL THE WAY around the to the other side of the festival because they wouldn’t let you, ya know walk straight there because that wouldn’t have been torturous.
Or I guess when Axl Rose isn’t on his way, or just simply when they felt like having you, and when they didn’t, you had to stay put in here.
We did have some fun however:

New Day Dawn

Neil and Dan (Clutch) giving interviews

The Fans

…and of course the best thing about any festival – The Fans: