Our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.
Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Anthrax, Night Ranger, Warrant & more – July 9-10th -Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK
Dubbed Rocklahoma (think the Coachella of 80’s Hair Metal) its a gathering of the notion that these bands whom may inspire a small twinge of nostalgia individually, that collectively could get you to travel to the middle of nowhere outside Tulsa in stifling heat to party like its 1984.The idea of attending sounded fun, but what would happen once we got there? It sounded like taking a joke just a bit too far by actually going so that’s why I hadn’t attended in years past (other than the obvious) but I do like to rawk, and I do have a special place in my closet for that genre. The tipping point, was to call my friend Chaz. He fronts the Dallas area 80’s Hair Metal cover band Red Leather. Now for the uninitiated, you may be saying to yourself, “Well their’s one of those in every town” and I would normally agree with you, but let me assure you, that’s not the case here, these guys are so the shit and so much fun. So I call Chaz and of course their going, so its really all about who your company is right? So, I said fuck it and hopped into a van with my cover band rocker friends for three days in the sun. How bad could it be? Let’s go:
Day 1
Now, I’ve been to most of the American multi-day festivals including the ones that offer (or sometimes require) camping and this one you really got to camp, and I’ve never done so at one of these and would be hard pressed to conjure a memory of ever camping. You would think, that anyone patronizing the devil’s bargain such as this, would be unprepared slobs, “Only fluids the doctor said” and that we would be sleeping on Kiss posters, and living off of bongwater. Much to my surprise these guys, had their shit doooownn. I’m not kidding, we were the envy of every camper within an earshot, as these others were roughing it. We had a camper WITH AIR CONDITIONING, a generator, a sink, electricity, and all the food and beer we could consume. We had another outdoor tent (dubbed the patio) and we opened the back doors of the van to reveal a HUGE big screen. We had our own fucking outdoor movie theater!
We had to take a golf cart ride to the other side to get our credentials. I had the promoter extend his invitation to include Camp Red Leather, which now meant we all had total access to the field, the seats and the air conditioned dining hall as well as drink and meal tickets, Woohoo!
So off we go to the main stage where as you can see the competition to crown this year’s Miss Rocklahoma is fast and fierce.
And I notice something peculiar, I know its the first day and all but I had heard that this was a HUGE event and there was only a handful of people there. You can tell all 25 of them were really into it however:
Desperately needing to cool off I headed to the press tent to catch the Anthrax Press Conference. Not certain but I think that this was one of if not the first American show with their new singer Dan Nelson. Oddly just a month prior I hadn’t seen Anthrax in over 10 years and caught them twice in as many days while I was in London, so I was already well versed in how much the new guy blows. I don’t have anything original to say that you probably haven’t already read because the only thing that satisfies is that he is pound for pound a Phil Anselmo clone to the point of embarrassment.
Anthrax
Independent of that, still, on this day they were not the fun guys in Vision Street Wear shorts. They were clearly embarrassed to be there, and held the press and everyone around them in contempt. As much as I adored this band through the years I have always felt a since of arrogant prick-ness from Scott Ian and Charlie Benante and today there was no validation. This was putting their status as one of the “big four” in danger. Would the other three be caught dead at this thing? (hey Megadeth did open up for Motley Crue a few years back WITH Anthrax)
Well now I wanted to hear some music. I rejoined the guys and the first band we actually saw was Saxon who kicked ass:
Saxon
And then before we knew it, it was time for Anthrax’s headline set. They really could have made this a 3 day event as their were only like 4 bands per stage with an hour between sets, but the longer you stay the more you spend is the logic. I had just received a double-dose of Anthrax with their new singer last month while in London, now it was the States turn.
Anthrax
The shows in London really weren’t that bad, however the mood I described earlier from the press tent had clearly been carried to the stage. Out of the 40K that was expected with an average of 10K each day their was less than a thousand people paying any real attention. I’m not sure that was the main problem but I’m sure it was a contribution.
New singer Dan Nelson irritated the crowd with his constant demand for applause and angering band mascot Scott Ian when he fouled up a segue for a sing-a-long to wish bassist Frank Bello a Happy Birthday. They did play a few new songs, Fight ‘Em till you can’t and Earth on Hell that were pretty brutal.
Setlist:
(UPDATE: Just a few days after this performance the band announced they were parting ways with Dan Nelson. Another singer and another weird chapter in this band’s history.)
After they finished that was the end of music for Day One, but right after they were having an outdoor showing of Anvil:The Story of Anvil on the big screens.. Seems to be a weird theme lately as Anvil and Anthrax keeping crossing my path (and each other’s) across two continents. Scott Ian is in the documentary, they played together at the Metal Hammer awards after the boat ride and the next night when I saw Anthrax at ULU, Robb and Lipps were standing behind me, and now they are playing together today as well. All these chances to see Anvil and still the only time I’ve actually seem them perform was in promotion for the documentary they were doing something unique (sad/cool…you decide) by actually performing in the theaters after the screenings.
So after the movie we headed back to Camp Red Leather. Excited to be there as this was our first night, Chaz and I decided to go introduce ourselves to our new neighbors, far and wide. We came across this “band” that had attracted a small crowd of about 20 in front of their tent that included one of the “contestants” from the above mentioned Pageant. It was surreal to be in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma, standing next to this “runner-up” that by local standards had amassed some type of celebrity, watching the equivalent of your little brother’s “band” struggling just to get through “Back in Black” in near pitch black darkness. I had to wonder why they would haul all that equipment that they could barley play. Always the cheerleader, Chaz was making my sides split with his constant encouragement of gems such as “Alice in Chains, let’s go!” and “Pantera, cmon!”. A good first day.
Day 2
Odd to wake up in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma. While our neighbors would complain of sunburn and the irritation of being awoken by heat, I was so cold from our air conditioner that the survivor in me sleepwalked and turned it off in the middle of the night. Much to the chagrin of my fellow campers, as they didn’t share my frigidity, and I felt bad that they had sought hard and long for the gas to power it, just for me to turn it off. As a testament to their coolness and our all around good vibe, it was laughed off just like anything else.
Time now for our ritual of getting wrist banded and getting our meal tickets etc. (umm take a hint from the other promoters and have wristbands that you can scan next year please) .
We opted out of Danger Danger to take advantage of having access to free food and drinks and get out of the heat for a bit. Imagine the lunch room in High School with all the stoners and goth and metal chicks 10-15 years later. When I returned Camp Red Leather were chatting up these two women from Bermuda. One even had the native British accent. They were so fun that we invited them to come check out the next band with us.
Of course we all know “Cherry Pie” & they had a new singer who was fun and could sing his ass off, and were quite good.
You either have two (or both) distinctive associations with their hit “Sister Christian”, that’s forever associated with an odd fad of 80’s rock: Singing Drummers.. One is being a little kid watching the video in constant rotation on MTV and now marvel at how that level of sap once seemed “deep” to you, or the brilliant cataclysm the song scores from a climactic scene from Boogie Nights.
Now the anticipation was starting to mount for this evening’s headliners:
Tonight Ratt is set to perform arguably their most popular album “Out of the Cellar”, which features their undisputed biggest hit “Round and Round”.
Now I have taken the trip down memory lane with this band a few times at several short lived reunion attempts and it suddenly occurred to me how long it had been since I heard anything off of that record that wasn’t a single, and I was loving it. I can remember in the 3rd grade getting this on cassette and playing it frontwards and backwards for months until I wore it out. Hearing songs like “In Your Direction”, “She Wants Money”, and “Your in Trouble” was a gas, and became a bit of a guessing game to see if I could remember what came next on the album.
Setlist:
Now for the bad, lead singer Steven Pearcy will never be able to escape the very pompous and unlikeable image that he has, because its so freaking accurate. Some people (like me) think David Lee Roth is a god, others think he’s a buffoon. This guy straight across the board is such a turn off that even the diehards would have to admit that they wouldn’t loan this guy money. We were in the front row rawking regardless:
Enter Part II of our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Jackyl, Kix, Faster Pussycat & more – July 11th – Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK
The band is fronted by Ron Keel who’s band carries his namesake. What we discovered was, in a sea of clearly out of touch and delusional people, the MOST diabolical turn-off I have ever witnessed since Sammy Hagar. Imagine if that 50ish rocker guy with the gross tan and exposed chest hair and gold chains, hitting on your mom at the State Fair, donned one of those awful headset mics (NO ONE HAS EVER MADE THE HEADSET MIC LOOK BADASS) and roamed the stage with an uncanny likeness to a Billy Ray Cyrus/Tony Robbins hybrid. Just powerfully lame, and totally clueless. The end mercifully came predictably with the hit of Right To Rock for which his daughter came out and sang with him.
Keel
Now it was time to head back to main stage, where we reunited with the Bermuda Triangle who were so much fun and such a blast to hang with, as well all grabbed a spot to see Kix. Their singer easily eclipsed me as the skinniest dude there, but as it looks good on a young dude like me, it looks meth-y on an old dude in leather chaps. The singer had us in stitches as his priceless between-song banter had the squeal of Paul Stanley met with the innuendo of AC/DC, and he ended every passage with “…meet me in the parking lot in 10 minutes…” now I don’t know if this dude wanted to fuck or fight or was just simply acknowledging his band’s lack of fame being responsible for them being able to secure proper lodging. But like the tenacious clothing company above, this guy knew his audience and want they wanted, so out come two rocker chicks:
Kix
Now as the sun was setting, so was my stomach as the Bermuda Triangle was getting me juiced up which was practically a prerequisite for the next band Jackyl. Although they were no strangers to this festival or playing to the lowest common denominator, sadly their a last minute (an albeit logical) choice to replace Thin Lizzy, who although Phil Lynott is no longer with us, I still really wanted to see.
I barely have the words to describe the maelstrom of white trash ornery that swathed a debauches trail through the crowd, me and for the most part, the entire weekend. I truly believe he even shocked himself and those around him that probably have to deal with him nightly on tour. It was at times, funny, embarrassing, cringe inducing, exhausting, but I have to hand it them, it was never boring. And also it was barely musical. I don’t remember if they actually played any songs, and that’s the whole deal, is that people will not historically remember the music of Jackyl, but the antics their singer Jessie James Dupress exhibited will not be soon forgotten.
Jackyl
As well as a new catch-phrase that I can’t wait to use. During one of Mr. Dupree’s many drunken tirades, a common theme was he wanted someone, anyone to venture into the nearby campgrounds to “fetch me a joint” and in his description of the barren wasteland where I’d laid my head for the last two nights, he said “you know…out there by the Port-A-Shitters”. I literally screamed. When he wasn’t making bizarre requests, he was slowly coming undressed from his red Lil Abner onesy in between taking the beer from the concession merchants that had drifted to close to the stage as the tub on their heads was at the perfect height for Mr. Dupree to strike.
Shuffling loose, a badge from the otherwise really uptight Sheriff that was on-site, he next set his target on the Officer’s gun, but that’s about as far as this humorless member of Pryor, OK’s finest was going to pardon. I think it says it all when at one point, Dupree was riding on a skateboard (?) while chugging a bottle of Crown Royal, while wielding a chainsaw in the other hand. His onslaught lasted over 2 hours (to which I learned later was him throwing a public tantrum for not getting to go on last and was basically trying to shit on Stryper.
Now who’s ready to go to Church??!! I think we all felt in need of saving after that.
I kinda always wanted to see Stryper but it was odd to experience it for the first time right after a white trash ho-down
Stryper
Apparently so did everyone else, or they were just as bugged out by the freak show at the main stage, cause the entire festival was in this tent! They were pretty awesome, and the vibe was just right. Bathroom Wall caused the tent to almost implode. Totally rawking!
Faster Pussycat
So with the music done for the day we headed back to camp & passed a little General Store. Suddenly this DRUNKEN girl in her early 20’s starts walking toward us and the only thing she is barely wearing was the bottom to her bathing suit. She kinda looked like a heavier version of Ferris Bueller’s sister (aka Baby from Dirty Dancing…R.I.P. Patrick Swayze). At first glance she appeared alone and wayward, but I quickly gathered she had just lagged behind from her group that was about 40 yards ahead, clearly wanting to lose their extra load. When she reached them, she celebrated this by removing the rest of her bathing suit to reveal an ass so white and unshapely, we could have had an encore screening of the Anvil movie on it.
Later I ventured over the VIP Campground (hey I thought we were VIPS?) and they had an official setup where some contest winning band was still keeping it going and had a decent crowd. Can’t remember their name cause their just finishing up when I arrived. A girl from San Francisco walks past me & said she thought I was her boyfriend and she claimed similarities. She was dressed like a softer dominatrix (whatever that means) and was talking uncomfortably close to my mouth, when her boyfriend, who was sober and apparently knew to keep his eye on her comes over (P.S. we look NOTHING alike) and he’s trying to be friendly but he smells the score. I try to get out of there but she’s doing that thing where when you shake someone’s hand and they don’t let go thing. I finally broke free and headed back to camp, to lie down and take in all I had seen and heard this weekend and get ready for the drive back to Texas in the morning.
Epilogue:
So we get up the next day and bug out like a M.A.S.H. unit as efficiently as we came in. Never say these boys were not Boy Scouts. I was thoroughly impressed. As we were making our way out of town I was reminded of scene from Big Daddy where Adam Sandler realizes that he’s awake before McDonald’s has stopped serving breakfast, and must take advantage. So we make the requisite stop, and just like in the movie, with only a few mins to spare. So close in fact that all four of us are not guaranteed to place the proper order before the breakfast to lunch changeover. Chaz is first but opts for lunch as they were out of want he wanted for breakfast (get in back of the line Chaz, time is of the essence here) I’m second and like the naturalized New Yorker I’ve become, I championed my way to my breakfast of choice. Our other two traveling companions were not so lucky (i.e. chumps). As Chaz and I are waiting for our orders to be filled we are seated pretty close to our increasingly exasperated order-taker Ashley (we were now on a first name basis and seems to be the case when traveling with Chaz). When suddenly Ashley’s manager delivered this gem: Apparently its the golden arches’ policy to have their workers randomly sanitize their hands while working. What sets this epidemic of handwashing aloft is that the manager will unexpectedly shout “Stop…sanitize”. Now this would normally not be of interest, yet however, in total synchrony Chaz and I, without discussing it, couldn’t help but notice how closely her delivery sounded alot like MC Hammer’s You Can’t Touch This. So without missing a beat, we both look at each other and declare to the entire restaurant to “STOP!…SANITIZE!” for which they recognize as said 80’s classic and respond with uproarious laughter! Chaz + Roy = Street Theater. In spite of it all I would have to say that I would totally make this trip again and plan to do so next year. Good times.
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