#FasterPussycat

August of Metal: Iron Maiden Book of Souls Tour, Dead Cross make their live debut + checking in w/ Primus, Clutch & much more (Aug/2017)

This summer saw the return of some of the biggest names in Rock to the road doing massive tours. As well as the debut of some powerhouses that are sure to keep things rocking for years to come.

Iron Maiden – June 23rd – American Airlines Center – Dallas, TX 

The most amazing thing here that was obvious from the opening notes to the encore is that there are no obvious signs of rust on Iron Maiden. Still one of the world’s most popular bands, with a tour schedule that would give much younger men heart attacks  This latest trek visiited more than 100 cities, and singer Bruce Dickinson is even flying the band between them on their own plane, Ed Force One. At 58, he’s not quite ready for a bus pass, but a brush with cancer seems to have underlined his mortality and rejuvenated the frontman and the band, who perform as if it’s their last but with no end in sight.

Show begins with Dickinson climbing out of a steaming cauldron, leaps off the drum riser & later dons a monkey head mask, battles a giant Ed (the band’s death’s head mascot)

Some songs from 2015’s globally chart-steamrollering The Book of Souls  are so long that it takes the band two hours to play 14. And yet, there’s something touching in Maiden’s relentless rocking and the way bassist Steve Harris and the band’s three guitarists grin at each other while perfecting their “machine gun” poses for the millionth time.

The none-more-rugged singer makes a speech about the “blithering idiots, now running the world, with their fingers on the nuclear button”, and when he points to flags showing where fans have come from, there are people from as far afield as Japan and Argentina. “We don’t care where you come from or what you do in your spare time If you come to an Iron Maiden show, you’re family.”

Impossible to overstate how amazing & just life-affirming this show was. Watching your heroes not as most are but still AS THEY were, at the top of their game, firing on all cylanders & kicking ass the world over.

Who would have thought that in such crazy times a grizzly old rock band in bullet belts singing about demons, warfare, apocalypse and mass murder would emerge as a beacon of unity, peace, love and understanding? Bless them.

Setlist –

If Eternity Should Fail
Speed of Light
Wrathchild
Children of the Damned
Death or Glory
The Red and the Black
The Trooper
Powerslave
The Great Unknown
The Book of Souls
Fear of the Dark
Iron Maiden

Encore: 

The Number of the Beast
Blood Brothers
Wasted Years

Faster Pussycat 30th Anniversary Tour – July 7th – Trees – Dallas, TX

Earlier in the Summer during 4th of July Weekend the Faster Pussycat 30th Anniversary tour rolled on visiting the DFW area for the third time in less than a year (& no one is complaining). While they too have had their numerous lineup changes over the years & only frontman Taime Downs remains from the bands late 80’s heyday, much like Foreigner above the current lineup has been solid longer than the original one was & this version of Faster Pussycat is still kicking much ass.

Downe’s is no spring chicken from the spandex-wearing, high-hair glory days, but can still sing with the nasally cat-scratch shriek like he did back in the late-’80s. At this point that’s all the fans want, even if they all look like sleazy biker dudes with a million miles on their tires.

Songs like Cathouse and Slip of the Tongue still retain their immature sexed-up charm & power ballad House of Pain (with Downe crouched down on a litup arrow) may have been the best thing heard all night – “Enjoy them while they are here, because when their gone, their gone” – Glad these guys are still here.

Setlist –

Jack the Bastard
Cathouse
Slip of the Tongue
Number 1 With a Bullet
The Power and the Glory Hole
Shooting You Down
Don’t Change That Song
House of Pain
You’re So Vain (Carly Simon cover)
Bathroom Wall (w/Deep in the Heart of Texas – Alvino Rey cover)
Sin City (AC/DC cover) (Chad Stewart on vocals)
Chinese Rocks (The Heartbreakers cover) (Ace Von Johnson on vocals)
Pretty Fucked Up (Supersuckers cover) (Danny Nordhal on vocals)
Shut Up and Fuck (Betty Blowtorch cover)
Babylon

Primus/Clutch – August 6th – South Side Ballroom – Dallas,TX:

Two heavy-hitters, Clutch & Primus, teamed up for a bonkers tour that anyone in attendance won’t forget any time soon.
Clutch, my brothers from Maryland & sometimes tour mates got the party started hitting the stage hard with their profound but yet anything fancy, increasingly blues-rock formula.

“The plan is to record a new record in January,” singer Neil Fallon announced. “We’re gonna practice some for ya … Don’t record it. It’s gonna sound terrible.”  Maybe on your cellphone, not live. The most striking was How to Shake Hands, written from the perspective of a presidential candidate promising to “put Bill Hicks on a five note.” “I don’t need secret service, ‘cause I know how to work a room,” Awesome!

Setlist – 

Cyborg Bette
Crucial Velocity
You Can’t Stop Progress
Power Player
Zep Funk 2x
Passive Restraints
Earth Rocker
Sucker for the Witch
The Face
How to Shake Hands
We Love a Good Fire
A Quick Death in Texas
Your Love Is Incarceration
Vision Quest
Big News I (with Mike Dillon)
D.C. Sound Attack! (with Mike Dillon)
Electric Worry
X-Ray Visions

(Much thanks to Jack & Oscar for the amazing hospitality)

Now let me tell you a little story: It’s called The Curse of Primus – Not because I’m not a fan of Primus, just the opposite but for some reason their odd msyticism has somehow bled into (my) real life as every time I’ve attempted to witness them perform, something bizarre happens to prevent it. While I managed to catch a few shows in the early to mid-90s somewhere around 1995’s Tales From the Punchbowl is where the curse began. It was that tour that Patrick Collins & I arrived so late that we caught the END of the encore due to forces beyond our control. In 22 years I’ve managed to see them only once since that night successfully after SIX failed attempts. I’m pleased to say that thanks to my new love Jocelyn & my brothers Clutch, the curse has finally been lifted.

It started with anti-war anthem Too Many Puppies wrapped around Sgt. Baker, with images of troops marching on screen. Les Claypool showed off his unusual chops early with a solo low on the neck that sounded like a rubbery guitar.

The weirdness carried right into Over the Falls & the hits just kept coming among various dark, sluggish noodling around in the middle.
A long, patient Southbound Pachyderm, sounding like the soundtrack for an apocalyptic Western film and emphasizing why Primus is beloved in the jam as well as the metal scene. The last section was all killer, though, starting with the backwoods bludgeoning of My Name is Mud and the giddy set-closing stomp of Jerry Was a Race Car Driver. 

Both sets featured beloved New Orleans Jack-of-All-trades Mike Dillon sitting in on a few songs on percussion adding his infectious energy & spot-on rhythm giving every song he touched that special feel.

Setlist – 

Too Many Puppies
Sgt. Baker (with “Too Many Puppies” reprise)
Moron TV
Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver
Southbound Pachyderm (with Mike Dillon)
Over the Falls
Lee Van Cleef
Candy Man (Leslie Bricusse & Anthony Newley cover)
Mr. Krinkle
Welcome to This World (Shortened, into “Mrs. Blaileen)
My Name Is Mud
Jerry Was a Race Car Driver
Harold of the Rocks

Encore: 

The Seven
Mr. Knowitall

Dead Cross – August 14th – Gas Monkey Bar & Grill – Dallas, TX

Ok so just in case you haven’t heard, prolific sound vault Mike Patton has yet another project he is fronting, Dead Cross, this time once again with legendary speed drummer, Slayer’s Dave Lombardo (whom Patton also formed the esoteric project Fantomas at the turn of the millennium). Patton apparently doesn’t know how to say to no & we are all better for it as this LP kicks ass & was ready to see it live.

When Dead Cross’ debut album hit shelves on Aug. 4, its four members had never even all played music together in the same room.

In November 2015, Lombardo — best known as a founding member of Huntington Park thrash-metal juggernaut Slayer — disbanded his longtime side project Philm, but had studio time and SoCal concerts booked for the band. Not one to renege, but with just two weeks before the first show, he desperately needed a fill-in act. When he ran into The Locust/Retox bassist Justin Pearson (with whom he’d toured while drumming for Fantômas) and Retox guitarist Michael Crain at the studio of metal mega-producer Ross Robinson (Korn, At the Drive-In), Lombardo seized the moment.

An album’s worth of Dead Cross material had been recorded and was set to be released on Ipecac Recordings — the label co-founded by Faith No More/Mr. Bungle frontman Mike Patton — when Serbian stepped aside to focus on family, Lombardo’s asked Patton,who is widely regarded as one of hard rock’s most innovative vocalists, to become Dead Cross’ new singer. And here we are on Night #2 of the tour.

The result evokes both classic, pissed-off hardcore punk and its crossover thrash offshoot, all updated with rhythmic about-turns and sonic heft.  Patton’s oft-intertwining layers of eccentric, theatrically unhinged vocals that twist Dead Cross’ instantly familiar instrumental backbone into a defiantly, perversely uncategorizable experience. A restless romp through ADHD rhythms and riffs & carnivalesque air by Patton’s unsettling, multipersonality performances.

Patton’s impressively elastic, immediately recognizable crooning, punctuated with garbled scatting, yelps and rants, will be familiar to anyone aware of his projects from Mr. Bungle’s 1991 debut onward, but he’s never sung atop anything so throat-grabbing and relentlessly aggressive. It was amazing to see Patton re-creating his elaborate studio vocal arrangements onstage, and stretching a sub-28-minute album into a headline-length live set.

Opening was the incomparable Secret Chiefs 3 fronted by Patton co-hort Trey Spruance formerly of also Mr. Bungle & Faith No More.

A rare sighting in these parts & only the second time I’ve ever seen the band live, last time being six years ago in NYC.
Secret Chiefs 3 have existed in various incarnations over the course of the past eight years, and have served as the funnel for Spruance’s remarkably far-flung studies of the hermetic mysteries and musical traditions of unknown and underappreciated subgenres. Live it’s an alchemical fusion of Morricone-esque cinematic grandeur, midnight surf guitar, traditional Middle Eastern rhythms and time signatures, demonic death metal, and electronic deviance that yields a work of undeniable force.

 

Photos – 

Roy Turner
Tony Wann
Steve Principato
Jeremy Williams

Rocklahoma 2009

Our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.

Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Anthrax, Night Ranger, Warrant & more – July 9-10th -Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK

Dubbed Rocklahoma (think the Coachella of 80’s Hair Metal) its a gathering of the notion that these bands whom may inspire a small twinge of nostalgia individually, that collectively could get you to travel to the middle of nowhere outside Tulsa in stifling heat to party like its 1984.The idea of attending sounded fun, but what would happen once we got there? It sounded like taking a joke just a bit too far by actually going so that’s why I hadn’t attended in years past (other than the obvious) but I do like to rawk, and I do have a special place in my closet for that genre. The tipping point, was to call my friend Chaz. He fronts the Dallas area 80’s Hair Metal cover band Red Leather. Now for the uninitiated, you may be saying to yourself, “Well their’s one of those in every town” and I would normally agree with you, but let me assure you, that’s not the case here, these guys are so the shit and so much fun. So I call Chaz and of course their going, so its really all about who your company is right? So, I said fuck it and hopped into a van with my cover band rocker friends for three days in the sun. How bad could it be? Let’s go:

Day 1

Now, I’ve been to most of the American multi-day festivals including the ones that offer (or sometimes require) camping and this one you really got to camp, and I’ve never done so at one of these and would be hard pressed to conjure a memory of ever camping. You would think, that anyone patronizing the devil’s bargain such as this, would be unprepared slobs, “Only fluids the doctor said” and that we would be sleeping on Kiss posters, and living off of bongwater. Much to my surprise these guys, had their shit doooownn. I’m not kidding, we were the envy of every camper within an earshot, as these others were roughing it. We had a camper WITH AIR CONDITIONING, a generator, a sink, electricity, and all the food and beer we could consume. We had another outdoor tent (dubbed the patio) and we opened the back doors of the van to reveal a HUGE big screen. We had our own fucking outdoor movie theater!

We had to take a golf cart ride to the other side to get our credentials. I had the promoter extend his invitation to include Camp Red Leather, which now meant we all had total access to the field, the seats and the air conditioned dining hall as well as drink and meal tickets, Woohoo!

So off we go to the main stage where as you can see the competition to crown this year’s Miss Rocklahoma is fast and fierce.

And I notice something peculiar, I know its the first day and all but I had heard that this was a HUGE event and there was only a handful of people there. You can tell all 25 of them were really into it however:

 

Desperately needing to cool off I headed to the press tent to catch the Anthrax Press Conference. Not certain but I think that this was one of if not the first American show with their new singer Dan Nelson. Oddly just a month prior I hadn’t seen Anthrax in over 10 years and caught them twice in as many days while I was in London, so I was already well versed in how much the new guy blows. I don’t have anything original to say that you probably haven’t already read because the only thing that satisfies is that he is pound for pound a Phil Anselmo clone to the point of embarrassment.

Anthrax

Independent of that, still, on this day they were not the fun guys in Vision Street Wear shorts. They were clearly embarrassed to be there, and held the press and everyone around them in contempt. As much as I adored this band through the years I have always felt a since of arrogant prick-ness from Scott Ian and Charlie Benante and today there was no validation. This was putting their status as one of the “big four” in danger. Would the other three be caught dead at this thing? (hey Megadeth did open up for Motley Crue a few years back WITH Anthrax)
Well now I wanted to hear some music. I rejoined the guys and the first band we actually saw was Saxon who kicked ass:

Saxon

 

And then before we knew it, it was time for Anthrax’s headline set. They really could have made this a 3 day event as their were only like 4 bands per stage with an hour between sets, but the longer you stay the more you spend is the logic. I had just received a double-dose of Anthrax with their new singer last month while in London, now it was the States turn.

Anthrax

The shows in London really weren’t that bad, however the mood I described earlier from the press tent had clearly been carried to the stage. Out of the 40K that was expected with an average of 10K each day their was less than a thousand people paying any real attention. I’m not sure that was the main problem but I’m sure it was a contribution.
New singer Dan Nelson irritated the crowd with his constant demand for applause and angering band mascot Scott Ian when he fouled up a segue for a sing-a-long to wish bassist Frank Bello a Happy Birthday. They did play a few new songs, Fight ‘Em till you can’t and Earth on Hell that were pretty brutal.

Setlist:

(UPDATE: Just a few days after this performance the band announced they were parting ways with Dan Nelson. Another singer and another weird chapter in this band’s history.)

After they finished that was the end of music for Day One, but right after they were having an outdoor showing of Anvil:The Story of Anvil  on the big screens.. Seems to be a weird theme lately as Anvil and Anthrax keeping crossing my path (and each other’s) across two continents. Scott Ian is in the documentary, they played together at the Metal Hammer awards after the boat ride and the next night when I saw Anthrax at ULU, Robb and Lipps were standing behind me, and now they are playing together today as well. All these chances to see Anvil and still the only time I’ve actually seem them perform was in promotion for the documentary they were doing something unique (sad/cool…you decide) by actually performing in the theaters after the screenings.

 You would not have to be a fan of Anvil or even this type of music (although repeated screenings of Spinal Tap will surely enhance your experience) to enjoy this film.

So after the movie we headed back to Camp Red Leather. Excited to be there as this was our first night, Chaz and I decided to go introduce ourselves to our new neighbors, far and wide. We came across this “band” that had attracted a small crowd of about 20 in front of their tent that included one of the “contestants” from the above mentioned Pageant. It was surreal to be in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma, standing next to this “runner-up” that by local standards had amassed some type of celebrity, watching the equivalent of your little brother’s “band” struggling just to get through “Back in Black” in near pitch black darkness. I had to wonder why they would haul all that equipment that they could barley play. Always the cheerleader, Chaz was making my sides split with his constant encouragement of gems such as “Alice in Chains, let’s go!” and “Pantera, cmon!”. A good first day.

Day 2

Odd to wake up in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma. While our neighbors would complain of sunburn and the irritation of being awoken by heat, I was so cold from our air conditioner that the survivor in me sleepwalked and turned it off in the middle of the night. Much to the chagrin of my fellow campers, as they didn’t share my frigidity, and I felt bad that they had sought hard and long for the gas to power it, just for me to turn it off. As a testament to their coolness and our all around good vibe, it was laughed off just like anything else.
Time now for our ritual of getting wrist banded and getting our meal tickets etc. (umm take a hint from the other promoters and have wristbands that you can scan next year please) .
We opted out of Danger Danger to take advantage of having access to free food and drinks and get out of the heat for a bit. Imagine the lunch room in High School with all the stoners and goth and metal chicks 10-15 years later. When I returned Camp Red Leather were chatting up these two women from Bermuda. One even had the native British accent. They were so fun that we invited them to come check out the next band with us.

Warrant.

Of course we all know “Cherry Pie”  & they had a new singer who was fun and could sing his ass off, and were quite good.

Night Ranger.

You either have two (or both) distinctive associations with their hit “Sister Christian”, that’s forever associated with an odd fad of 80’s rock: Singing Drummers.. One is being a little kid watching the video in constant rotation on MTV and now marvel at how that level of sap once seemed “deep” to you, or the brilliant cataclysm the song scores from a climactic scene from Boogie Nights.

They blew us away and in hindsight were the best band I saw all weekend. Most of the bands, bless em’, were idealistic in their approach and their performances seemed about 25% over their actual abilities, and it had that stink. Night Ranger were the real deal man and yes, the drummer did dramatically come out and do the ballad. Brad Gillis looked like he’s been at the gym since the band’s heyday. Dude was ripped.

Now the anticipation was starting to mount for this evening’s headliners:

Ratt

Tonight Ratt is set to perform arguably their most popular album “Out of the Cellar”, which features their undisputed biggest hit “Round and Round”.
Now I have taken the trip down memory lane with this band a few times at several short lived reunion attempts and it suddenly occurred to me how long it had been since I heard anything off of that record that wasn’t a single, and I was loving it. I can remember in the 3rd grade getting this on cassette and playing it frontwards and backwards for months until I wore it out. Hearing songs like “In Your Direction”, “She Wants Money”, and “Your in Trouble”  was a gas, and became a bit of a guessing game to see if I could remember what came next on the album.

Setlist:

Now for the bad, lead singer Steven Pearcy will never be able to escape the very pompous and unlikeable image that he has, because its so freaking accurate. Some people (like me) think David Lee Roth is a god, others think he’s a buffoon. This guy straight across the board is such a turn off that even the diehards would have to admit that they wouldn’t loan this guy money. We were in the front row rawking regardless:

Enter Part II of our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Jackyl, Kix, Faster Pussycat & more – July 11th – Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK

How this was allowed to take place in the middle of July with heat advisories in the upper tier is reflective of not only legislation in Oklahoma but it’s general common sense. And here we were here too, but cocooned in AC isolation.
No matter how spoiled we were we started to get cabin fever and decided to head out into the lonesome crowded west to see what was going on and see some bands. We decided on the mainstage to check out Keel. Now (again) the only thing I remember about this band was right before I discovered Master of Puppets they had a song called The Right To Rock that I would jam out to, only because it wouldn’t have occurred to me at that age how silly it was, and I was in that exploration phase where anything I hadn’t heard of, or even better if my friends hadn’t heard of it, then it had to be cool. Oh how I would do anything to be so innocent again, to believe that were was some actual opposing force trying to prevent me from rocking and how indebted I felt to these guys for informing me that it was my actual right. Who knew?
The band is fronted by Ron Keel who’s band carries his namesake. What we discovered was, in a sea of clearly out of touch and delusional people, the MOST diabolical turn-off I have ever witnessed since Sammy Hagar. Imagine if that 50ish rocker guy with the gross tan and exposed chest hair and gold chains, hitting on your mom at the State Fair, donned one of those awful headset mics (NO ONE HAS EVER MADE THE HEADSET MIC LOOK BADASS) and roamed the stage with an uncanny likeness to a Billy Ray Cyrus/Tony Robbins hybrid. Just powerfully lame, and totally clueless. The end mercifully came predictably with the hit of Right To Rock for which his daughter came out and sang with him.

Keel

Now it was time to head back to main stage, where we reunited with the Bermuda Triangle who were so much fun and such a blast to hang with, as well all grabbed a spot to see Kix. Their singer easily eclipsed me as the skinniest dude there, but as it looks good on a young dude like me, it looks meth-y on an old dude in leather chaps. The singer had us in stitches as his priceless between-song banter had the squeal of Paul Stanley met with the innuendo of AC/DC, and he ended every passage with “…meet me in the parking lot in 10 minutes…” now I don’t know if this dude wanted to fuck or fight or was just simply acknowledging his band’s lack of fame being responsible for them being able to secure proper lodging. But like the tenacious clothing company above, this guy knew his audience and want they wanted, so out come two rocker chicks:

Kix

Now as the sun was setting, so was my stomach as the Bermuda Triangle was getting me juiced up which was practically a prerequisite for the next band Jackyl. Although they were no strangers to this festival or playing to the lowest common denominator, sadly their a last minute (an albeit logical) choice to replace Thin Lizzy, who although Phil Lynott is no longer with us, I still really wanted to see.
I barely have the words to describe the maelstrom of white trash ornery that swathed a debauches trail through the crowd, me and for the most part, the entire weekend. I truly believe he even shocked himself and those around him that probably have to deal with him nightly on tour. It was at times, funny, embarrassing, cringe inducing, exhausting, but I have to hand it them, it was never boring. And also it was barely musical. I don’t remember if they actually played any songs, and that’s the whole deal, is that people will not historically remember the music of Jackyl, but the antics their singer Jessie James Dupress exhibited will not be soon forgotten.

Jackyl

As well as a new catch-phrase that I can’t wait to use. During one of Mr. Dupree’s many drunken tirades, a common theme was he wanted someone, anyone to venture into the nearby campgrounds to “fetch me a joint”  and in his description of the barren wasteland where I’d laid my head for the last two nights, he said “you know…out there by the Port-A-Shitters”.  I literally screamed. When he wasn’t making bizarre requests, he was slowly coming undressed from his red Lil Abner onesy in between taking the beer from the concession merchants that had drifted to close to the stage as the tub on their heads was at the perfect height for Mr. Dupree to strike.
Shuffling loose, a badge from the otherwise really uptight Sheriff that was on-site, he next set his target on the Officer’s gun, but that’s about as far as this humorless member of Pryor, OK’s finest was going to pardon. I think it says it all when at one point, Dupree was riding on a skateboard (?) while chugging a bottle of Crown Royal, while wielding a chainsaw in the other hand. His onslaught lasted over 2 hours (to which I learned later was him throwing a public tantrum for not getting to go on last and was basically trying to shit on Stryper.

Now who’s ready to go to Church??!! I think we all felt in need of saving after that.
I kinda always wanted to see Stryper but it was odd to experience it for the first time right after a white trash ho-down

Stryper

So when the bibles starting being thrown out it got a little hairy, as this dude in front of me was just looking for someone to connect with and was kinda freaking me out. After securing some corn dogs safely away from the surreal mixture of bible catchers and party pukers, we headed to the one of the tents as Stryper was the last band on the main stage for the day, and I wanted to check out Faster Pussycat.
Apparently so did everyone else, or they were just as bugged out by the freak show at the main stage, cause the entire festival was in this tent! They were pretty awesome, and the vibe was just right. Bathroom Wall caused the tent to almost implode. Totally rawking!

Faster Pussycat

So with the music done for the day we headed back to camp & passed a little General Store. Suddenly this DRUNKEN girl in her early 20’s starts walking toward us and the only thing she is barely wearing was the bottom to her bathing suit. She kinda looked like a heavier version of Ferris Bueller’s sister (aka Baby from Dirty Dancing…R.I.P. Patrick Swayze). At first glance she appeared alone and wayward, but I quickly gathered she had just lagged behind from her group that was about 40 yards ahead, clearly wanting to lose their extra load. When she reached them, she celebrated this by removing the rest of her bathing suit to reveal an ass so white and unshapely, we could have had an encore screening of the Anvil movie on it.

Later I ventured over the VIP Campground (hey I thought we were VIPS?) and they had an official setup where some contest winning band was still keeping it going and had a decent crowd. Can’t remember their name cause their just finishing up when I arrived. A girl from San Francisco walks past me & said she thought I was her boyfriend and she claimed similarities. She was dressed like a softer dominatrix (whatever that means) and was talking uncomfortably close to my mouth, when her boyfriend, who was sober and apparently knew to keep his eye on her comes over (P.S. we look NOTHING alike) and he’s trying to be friendly but he smells the score. I try to get out of there but she’s doing that thing where when you shake someone’s hand and they don’t let go thing. I finally broke free and headed back to camp, to lie down and take in all I had seen and heard this weekend and get ready for the drive back to Texas in the morning.

Epilogue:

So we get up the next day and bug out like a M.A.S.H. unit as efficiently as we came in. Never say these boys were not Boy Scouts. I was thoroughly impressed. As we were making our way out of town I was reminded of scene from Big Daddy where Adam Sandler realizes that he’s awake before McDonald’s has stopped serving breakfast, and must take advantage. So we make the requisite stop, and just like in the movie, with only a few mins to spare. So close in fact that all four of us are not guaranteed to place the proper order before the breakfast to lunch changeover. Chaz is first but opts for lunch as they were out of want he wanted for breakfast (get in back of the line Chaz, time is of the essence here) I’m second and like the naturalized New Yorker I’ve become, I championed my way to my breakfast of choice. Our other two traveling companions were not so lucky (i.e. chumps).  As Chaz and I are waiting for our orders to be filled we are seated pretty close to our increasingly exasperated order-taker Ashley (we were now on a first name basis and seems to be the case when traveling with Chaz). When suddenly Ashley’s manager delivered this gem: Apparently its the golden arches’ policy to have their workers randomly sanitize their hands while working. What sets this epidemic of handwashing aloft is that the manager will unexpectedly shout “Stop…sanitize”. Now this would normally not be of interest, yet however, in total synchrony Chaz and I, without discussing it, couldn’t help but notice how closely her delivery sounded alot like MC Hammer’s You Can’t Touch This. So without missing a beat, we both look at each other and declare to the entire restaurant to “STOP!…SANITIZE!” for which they recognize as said 80’s classic and respond with uproarious laughter! Chaz + Roy = Street Theater. In spite of it all I would have to say that I would totally make this trip again and plan to do so next year. Good times.

__________________________________________________________________________________________Photo Credits – 

Roy Turner