#Festivals

Wildflower Arts and Music Festival 2010

18th Annual Wildflower Arts and Music Festival – Richardson, TX – May 14th
   So some new friends and I decided to check out this festival. It’s one of those low-rent, city specific affairs that you see across America, that usually start with Taste of (insert name of suburb of major city here) that are usually very charming in their accessibility and dirt-mall like qualities. It’s like a mini Fair without the bullshit, and a mini music festival without the high cost and travel. What also usually rounds out these things is the lineup is almost always a hodgepodge of washed up, yet universally liked acts, even by the darkest skeptic. That one band that you feel you need to see but would never make any real effort to do so, will be there and they often prove irresistible. I finally saw The Go-Go’s , The Black Crowes, and Cheap Trick and many others at things like this over the years.
We got there late the first night, just in time to see, speaking of universally liked, the B-52’s, (cause if you don’t like them, than your just being a dickhead.)
Before we could see them however, their was a last minute addition, as one of the finalist for this year’s American Idol, was a local dude named Casey James (who ironically had played my sister’s birthday party the year prior) and apparently its custom on the show that the third to the last week is Homecoming Week for the final three and this was that week. So this dude was everywhere, making like five stops to do a few songs in some key places all over Dallas/Ft. Worth. This being the biggest gathering of people tonight, it only made sense to squeeze him in to do a few songs.
To those people that don’t care, its hard to imagine or take the show’s influence seriously, as like it doesn’t have any influence, (or better yet shouldn’t) so how would this minor/local pseudo-celebrity-at-best- affect this modest festival as far as attendance goes? How many people would even go out to Richardson to hear this dude play what was advertised as one song? Answer = A bunch :

   So that was pretty annoying when we got there and had to deal with that shit, but at the same time, my mom/sisters love that shit and I know that they were rooting for him, so like the good son that I am, I made sure to see it and take a few pics for them.

I know its cynical, but if you look at it objectively, its just so strange, why were these legends from Athens being pushed back so this painfully mediocre dude that can’t play and can barely sing, can get top billing and do a brief set of karaoke? When you manufacture something, it will dupe enmasse.
The cool thing was after he did his best Bryan Adams imitation, 75% of the crowd left so we walked to the front to see the B-52’s.
Now I had only seen the B-52’s once before in High School during their Love Shack heyday and I have no recollection of it, as it was the one and only time I’d ever taken Ecstasy, which ended up being anything but that, and historically one of the worst nights of my life.
Once the B52s came on stage everyone was in party mode.There is nothing complex in what the B52s do – its just fun, dance music. Even the songs which I didn’t know – which was most of them – were catchy enough to keep the crowd moving. How can you not love this band?

 One of the things I love about them is, just tell me what other band could Fred Schneider possibly be in? They finished the main set with Love Shack – and the girls can still hit those notes – which lit the place up. But for me the highlight was definitely their encore ending Rock Lobster. Fun night.

18th Annual Wildflower Arts and Music Festival (Day 2) – Richardson, TX – May 15th

   So we got an earlier start the second day, and it was the perfect weather for it, just an amazingly gorgeous day. Wanted to see what the festival was offering other than music as we got here at the end last night. I’ve been to this festival before and others like it many times and always enjoy it, no matter how embarrassing it might be haha.
After looking at arts and crafts and being asked to change my long distance carrier, it was time to grab a beer and see some music. I had always wanted to see the Sweet and they were up next.
Now again, I would never make any real effort to see this band especially in their current incarnation, but they totally kicked ass! and were perfect in their time slot of a late afternoon thing.
Now, not that anybody should really give a shit, but for clarity sakes, due to whatever bad business decisions this band has made over the years, it has allowed or produced two current versions of the Sweet. (it only really matters if you played on Desolation Boulevard).
Steve Priest’s American version and Andy Scott’s U.K. version. – Today was the American version.
As you can see Mr. Priest has packed on some pounds but singer Joe Retta was a dead ringer for Chris Cornell and looked and sounded great. Of course they ended with Ballroom Blitz, and yes it was totally worth it.
Up next was something I have great interest in, and couldn’t be more suited for a low-rent festival like this, but I couldn’t exaggerate just how horrible Vince Neil is live. I already knew this from seeing him a few times before and he’s so bad he has a reputation for being a turd live. It’s hard (for me) to not want to care because here is the voice of Motley Crue, the soundtrack to my youth, but he is so embarrassing its painful.
If you know anything about him, than I really have nothing to add here that you haven’t heard before. He looked bloated, and ridiculous with absolute zero self-awareness, and he “sang” about every third lyric, sometimes letting the crowd sing entire passages or skipping over them entirely.

  At least the songs choices started out cool, as he attempted to get on my good side with the early Crue stuff like Piece of Your Action  and Livewire. But things went from bad, to strange, to incomprehensible. He was only scheduled to do an hour, like I said was barely singing, and actually had to take a 15 minute break mid-show while his band just jammed without him on this extended Led Zeppelin instrumental medley. Freaking terrible.
Afterward, my buddy Gabe, one of the promoters invited us to the PM Nightlife Lounge beneath the Joule hotel. This shit was silly swank, and not my scene at all, but it was fun as an observer. I saw Vince Neil talking with that dude Chace Crawford from Gossip Girl (who is from Plano and was just arrested recently for marijuana possession) maybe they were trading lawyer tips?

Coachella 2010 (April/2010)

Coachella Valley Arts & Music Festival – April 17th-18th – Empire Polo Fields – Indio, CA

Day 1  

So Sam and I got up and got it together to take the long drive out to Indio and the Coachella Valley for the festival. With no traffic it would still be just under two hours, but with LA traffic and that of the hordes going to the festival, I knew it was gonna be a haul. I was super excited as besides the one-two punch of Prince and Portishead of 2007, in my opinion, today was going to be the single best day lineup in the festival’s history as far as my tastes are concerned, with Faith No More, the Dead Weather and Devo to look forward to. Usually you have to pick and choose as alot of your faves will be on at the same time, but these three had lined up perfectly for me. Pulling in I had no regrets about missing the first day yesterday, and I soon learned just what a good idea that was.
This was my 7th year at this festival, so I know my way around it very well, and I know it grows every year, but when we pulled up, something was truly amiss.
We didn’t even get there till almost 7pm and there were more people outside the festival, than I had seen inside the previous years. We started hearing stories about total chaos, the night before and people already calling it Clusterfuckchella. Apparently, they were way understaffed this year, and the ticket scanners were not working, so shades of Woodstock, for a brief time last night, the festival was free to get into. I think those outside got wind of this, and those without tickets thought it would happen again tonight. Parking was a logistical nightmare, and that was just the beginning of our problems. Once we were on foot headed to the grounds, to go to, like I always have, the Will Call window, to claim our credentials, the trouble really started. Nobody knew anything. The Will Call tent was not where it had been in previous years and not one staff member could tell me a thing. I finally find this makeshift building by the parking lots and they spill some bad news. This year, and no one had told me, they came up with the brilliant idea to have Will Call off-site, as in not in walking distance, at a hotel over 5 miles away.
Faith No More, our whole reason for taking this on, were going on in an hour – what the fuck do we do? – I tried to stay cool, because fuck just being some jerk off fan trying to see a band, this was a major inconvenience, regardless of the capacity. So we walked over a mile to the nearest cab stand and had him take us over to this hotel. Since it was late in the day and on the second day, things when we got there were in total disarray.
Of course they couldn’t find our wristbands, and it wasn’t without trying, as I can’t complain about so nice they were to us, and apologizing and getting us stuff to drink while we waited. You are gonna think by reading this that I’m a total celeb-whore, but I’m just trying to tell the story and make it fun, so while we were standing there feeling like losers, Sam looks at me and says “hey check it out, American Pie girl” – and to our left was Shannon Elizabeth, apparently in the same predicament we were in:

 I honestly wouldn’t have recognized her if Sam hadn’t pointed her out to me. One of the skinniest people I have ever seen. So that was fun, and then we waited, and waited, and keep in mind the cab driver is still waiting to take us back. Our spirits started to diminish as Faith No More’s start time came and went, as we knew even if we had left that second it would take us most of their set to get back and get settled. So literally after waiting for over an hour, they found our wristbands, gave us a premium parking pass and apologized profusely. NOW we were golden,but how much was this cab gonna cost? In NYC it would have been over 200 bucks easily and I was prepared for the worst, when we find out that this gentlemen was so kind to us that he turned the meter off when we got there and the fare was under 40 bucks! Sam tipped the man very well and he dropped us off behind the main stage and we used our All Access passes to catch the end of their set.
We only got to hear about 4 songs, and I felt most sad for Sam as I had just seen them and knew I’d be seeing them again this Summer, but Sam had never seen them.
Still a great fucking show – they killed, and oddly alot of people had no idea who they were.
Here’s the setlist -Reunited (Peaches and Herb cover)
From Out of Nowhere
Caffeine
We Care Alot
Last Cup of Sorrow
Ben (Michael Jackson cover)
Surprise your Dead
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Midlife Crisis (- this is where we came in at)
Epic
Ashes to Ashes
Just a ManSo, yes, quite disappointed, but totally fucking relieved to be inside the festival and the place was our oyster with our access passes. So we said fuck it, hopped on one of the golf carts and headed to a side stage to see Major Lazer. If you are unfamiliar, its Diplo‘s new project with a crazy reggae singer/dancer with his troupe of backup singers in booties shorts. As far as a visual it did not disappoint, and the tent they played was freaking packed.
It was nuts, with these giant Chinese New Year dragons, and the dancers were flying through the air. At point, she even climbed up this ladder and jumped into a freaking kiddie pool onstage. One of the more what the fuck moments of the festival (but their would be more).
So after that settled down, Sam and I were lamenting the events of the day and having a good time, and we are standing side-stage waiting for Les Claypool to come on. Sam works in film and knows that I am huge fan of the Police, and was telling me about his experiences working on a recent documentary on Andy Summers, when as if we had somehow summoned him, a tall figure with easy to identify, full head of gray hair walks right by us, and Sam and I look at each other like “Damn that looked like Stewart Copeland right there ironically!” – So again, I guess I was in fanboy mode on this trip as I would normally never commit what I was about to do. Having no real confidence that it was actually him, I just strolled over to where he was sitting and lo and behold, there he was. One of my biggest idols and the reason I started playing drums and was ever in a band, Stewart Fucking Copeland. As big of a dork as I could have been, I was actually alright. It felt good to be excited again and even a bit nervous. Doing what I do, you can get used to this stuff and I don’t want that. I always want to retain that feeling of excitement or otherwise I’ll just do something else. So I made some bullshit small talk, and when that ended I broke my cardinal rule and asked for a photograph and he obliged. He was sitting there with his young daughters, can you believe that I was wearing that offensive Les Savy Fav shirt?
I had forgotten for a second that he was in a band, Oysterhead, briefly was Les Claypool, to explain his attendance. The plan was to watch 30 mins of Les Claypool and his new project, the Fancy Band before heading over to the other stage to see the Dead Weather.
Les was cool, I hadn’t seen him in awhile, and his new band was as weird as you would expect. I didn’t recognize any of the songs, but what I heard was good.
Now it was time to hop back on one of the golf carts and get over to the Outdoor Theater for the Dead Weather.  To know me, is to know of my adoration for all things Jack White. I had seen this band several times already, but I was excited to see what they would do here, as most bands make this appearance unique.
The driver dropped us off behind the stage, and that was cool as I can’t complain that I’m 3 feet from Jack White’s drum set, but that’s all I could see. We try to squeeze in on this tiny ledge to the side of the stage and that’s when I learn that these bands were pulling that shit I experienced at Lollapalooza last year, where the band’s have their own stage passes, making anyone else’s worthless as far as watching side-stage. I thought that kinda shit would be below someone like Jack White, but you never know if he was even aware of it. While we were squeezing in, I saw another familiar face/drummer as I looked over and Tommy Lee was next to me, talking to Perry Farrell and his wife, and some chick with the grossest and clearly botched boob-job I’ve ever seen without the presence of mind to not be proud of them and not show them off. I don’t know if she was him or not but check this out:
Isn’t that dark? – I spoke to him briefly and I hadn’t realized that he had performed the night before as the drummer for deadmau5, until he told me.
So the show starts and I decide I wanna go out front so I can see the show proper. It was the perfect time of the night, when everyone is in full swing and the vibe is there and the Dead Weather came out and just killed. Oddly, the wind and the palm trees proved to be a perfect setting for the band and did nothing to offset their gloominess and only gave it a better place to flourish. Think about all that we had seen already and what the crowd had witnessed over the past two days, and it was understood that this was the real deal. Playing most of their debut, Whorehound and a few off their new record, their set was flawless.
During their set and while I was talking to Tommy Lee, Sam went to find his friend Nicole, who had come out from Texas for the festival, and I met back up with them towards the end of the Dead Weather. We snuck her backstage and hopped on a golf cart to go, and finally see – Devo.
I have waited a long time for this. I’ve seen tons of shows and so its not often that I get to see a band that I love for the first time, and for whatever reason, Devo had eluded me for too long. So this was my time – again, we can’t complain but we had that standing behind the stage issue again, but still happy to be there at all.
I had waited a long time for this, and it was freaking awesome! Their about as smart and as funny as you would expect. Updating their look did everything to re-establish this:

 and only made it that more awesome when they came out for the encore in their old outfits. A couple of funny things happened in between. When they were on, there was a small child asleep right by my feet (we were standing behind the drumkit) and when they came back to change into the old outfits, the guitarists was checking on the kid. When they returned after the encore, the kid was gone, and he looks at me as says “Have you seen my son?” – half joking/half serious. I told him I think his mom rescued him from the noise.

The other thing was, its become common knowledge that for whatever reason, actor Danny Devito is a fan of this type of music, namely he’s been seen at any project Mike Patton is involved in, even appearing in a Peeping Tom video, so spotting him at Coachella, is like spotting David Byrne on his bicycle if you live in NYC, its just bound to happen, and its no less a little entertaining each time. This time in particular, as he and Patton and FNM’s Tour Manager, Tim Sweetwood, were watching and grooving behind the stage next to us.
I would have liked to have seen a bit of Die Antwoord, as I just recently been turned on to them, and I saw them backstage and they looked like total freaks, but that was the only scheduling problem I had. Let’s hope tomorrow goes as smoothly. As we were leaving, Nicole takes a pic of Sam and I, and I know we were tired, but this might be the worst pic of me yet:

   We still had to get back to our original parking spot and we knew it would be hours before we could even move. We sat and and laughed for about an hour until I had remembered from being there so many times, and easier way out. We were gonna stay with some friends nearby, so that we wouldn’t have the long drive back, just to drive right back here a few hours later, but we lost touch with them. I think Sam was eager to get back too, so I hit the back way, and about two hours later we were back in Los Angeles around 4am.

Day 2

  So Sam decided not to go today as he had a bunch of stuff to do before starting the work week. He called his friend Nicole and offered her the wristband I gave him, and I was to meet her at the festival. Thank goodness, I already had my wristband, parking pass, knew the score, and all I had to do was just get back out there. Sadly, again their really weren’t any bands playing that would have really warranted this effort in my opinion, other than maybe Sly Stone, but with his reputation, I wasn’t even sure if he would show, but after all I had been through yesterday, I was going to go and enjoy the day and the pampering of the credentials. I get there and I’m parked and inside by 4pm, easy breezy. I would have liked to have seen a bit of Mayer Hawthorne after getting turned on to them at SXSW last month, but I just missed them, but I was in time to see De La Soul.
Freaking 23 years into a career that’s outlasted everybody, they rawked the main stage, showing that they’re not only showing no signs of slowing down, but that they’re in peak form. A perfect time slot for their sunny, throw-your-hands-in-the-air- vibe, MCs Kelvin (“Plug One”) Mercer and David Jude (“Plug Two”) Jolicoeur effectively played half the crowd (“Say hip-hop!”) against the other (“Say par-ty!”), dropped their hits (“Me, Myself and I”), covered Run-D.M.C., and proved an inspired choice for a Sunday Coachella afternoon.

  After they were done, I walked over to one of the side tents to see this fun couple (who actually live around the corner from me in Brooklyn) Matt &Kim, who always put on a fun show. Their music is silly and almost circus like, not anything I would ever listen to at home, but live they are always a blast. They had a huge crowd, mostly of the younger, hipster variety, but a good time was had by all:

   This is where I was to meet Nicole as well, as she had text me to let me know she had arrived right after they were done. We meet and I give her the wristband so you can come backstage, and I was starving and thankfully, the catering tent for Artists was not on the other side, but right behind the stage we were already at. A nice spread by anyone’s standards – amid hardly anyone was in there, so it was a blessing to be in the shade and comfort of a private tent having a great meal and with all the beverages we could consume. I knew this would probably be the only meal of the day so I stocked up.
Thankfully, the next three acts I wanted to see were all at that same side tent right across from the catering tent. Flagging down a backstage shuttle got to be a bit taxing the night before and I was happy to not have to do it as often. Still the big question still lingered: Would Sly Stone show up at all, and if he does, what condition will he be in? –
After eating we walked over and caught a bit of Charlotte Gainsbourg – I got her record this year, and in spite of her famous father and all the privileges she’s been given, I think she is quite talented, and to-die-for gorgeous:
I enjoyed her set way more than I thought I would. I bet it would be better in a dark night club at like 1am however. Now clearly the producers of the festival had the same amount of confidence as I did sadly about Sly Stone’s arrival – Based on his contributions, he could easily headline the mainstage, but based on his reputation, for a cracked-out no-show, they put him in a side-tent at 7pm, scheduled right after Gainsbourg. So we waited…and waited…until an announcement was made that he wouldn’t go on before anyone and would be going on after Little Boots. Here we go, I thought – so we had some time to kill, so we headed over to the backstage compound behind the mainstage. It is literally paradise back there, with sculpted grounds, a man-made lake and a swimming hole and a nature walk. Just the thing to literally get away from it all. How spoiled are these fuckers? but that’s why playing here has the prestige that it does. I show Nicole around a bit, and they were consistently out of beer. I made a joke openly about it and after everyone laughed this guy kept bugging me to take my picture. I didn’t mind so I have no idea why I look so pissed here:
     We waited…and waited…and waited. Until now another announcement was made that “Sly didn’t like this stage and insisted on playing in the tent adjacent to this one” – whatever, this is getting browner by the minute. I waited another 45mins and during that time was when we lost her friend, and then briefly I lost her. When she returned we went over to the stage where Sly Stone had supposedly switched to and their was no sign of him. We still had an hour before Gorillaz were going on, and I did want to see Plastikman, and we were at the stage where he was about to begin.
These DJ’s have really upped their game to make it a visual experience and really give people something to look at:

 Which is important because unless the DJ is someone like Rob Swift, or a turntablist doing tricks, their really isn’t much to look at. This one was exceptional, as in like pioneering so. The giant cage opens and with the visuals it starts to look like its transforming into a monster’s mouth – opening and closing. I was cold sober and it was freaking me out, Nicole’s troublesome friend, had taken god-knows-what earlier and was clearly overwhelmed.
We left the set just a bit early so we could get a beer and get in position for Gorillaz. As you may know they have this rule that you can’t drink outside the designated areas in the general population. I could have just gone backstage, but I actually hadn’t walked the grounds yet and it was the last band on the last day and I felt like I was being snobby and missing the atmosphere. We grabbed drinks as they started and we were in the beer garden next to the stage, so we just said fuck it and stayed there as that was probably the best view we were gonna get. To be honest, though I find the Gorillaz to be interesting, I really couldn’t have cared less. Our obstructed view kinda cost us the visual element that is so important to their performances, but we had a good time and it was a good show. I only know the singles, and I know that one features De La Soul, so I had a good mind to think that we would get something special and hear that song performed live and with De La. And that’s exactly what happened:

…and that was just the beginning – of course this festival is famous and carries the prestige that it does because bands will make their appearances here legendary (unless your the Cure) and though I had previously underestimated this show, this proved to be one of the most epic in the festival’s history.  I learned that their set was marked by a lot of firsts. It was their first live performance in five years, the first time they had the Clash’s Mick Jones and Paul Simonon (in sailor suits, too) on stage with them and the first time they didn’t perform backlit behind a giant screen. Then out-came freaking Bobby Womack!

Little Dragon’s Swedish-Japanese vocalist Yukimi Nagano crept up onstage during Empire Ants also marking her first live performance with the band. I even saw Flea, who performed with Thom Yorke an hour prior, rocking out in front of us. Just an awesome, unbelievable show. I always thought Damon Albarn was overrated, now I’m not so sure 🙂
After they played I started hearing stories about what actually happened with Sly Stone – and this story got national attention so you may have heard about it, but in case you didn’t – what I am about to unfold is seriously the brownest shit I’ve ever heard. Keep in mind, I didn’t see any of it (their was a Twitter update saying Sly Stone – Mojave Tent 10:45pm – but I was getting zero service out there) as per the story I had given up on Stone, but I saw the Youtube video so it can’t be disputed. Like you knew that if he showed at all, it could have been dark, but no one could have predicted just how much this person has no business walking around unassisted in regular society, let alone performing on one of the biggest stages in the world. I blame his handlers for being greedy to push him out there, and it was sad and downright disturbing to see the video and hear what had gone down. Between the video and stories I heard here is what happened:” He came out in a blonde-and-black streaked wig and a navy cop’s outfit (complete with badge) and black sequined smoking jacket.
He then launched into a diatribe about a lawsuit against his former manager, Jerry Goldstein, saying, “I didn’t know I was being stolen from,” as well as something about now being able to buy his own shoes. Then he sat down on the edge of the stage and sang a preview of a new song – which ended when he rolled back and laid down on the stage.
Things started looking up when he got through most of “Dance to the Music.” Then his keyboard when awry. The band immediately kicked into “I Want to Take You Higher.” Then he walked to the front of the stage and fell on his face into the photo pit and was carried out after less than 30 mins.”
And that was that – another Coachella down, this one seemed to go by super fast. I said goodbye to Nicole and her intoxicated friend and headed for the car and back to Los Angeles. Maybe I’ll make it number 8 next year 🙂
Photographers:

Roy Turner

SXSW 2010 w/ Man or Astroman? Les Savy Fav, Andrew W.K. & more (March/2010)

Sun: March 14th –

No rest for the wicked as they say, after recovering from the Flaming Lips blowout just the night before in Denton, I was now on my way to Austin. Now normally I don’t go quite this early as the music part of the conference doesn’t officially begin till this Wednesday and that’s when I normally get here. However their’s always stuff going on throughout and my reason for coming this early was: If you had to ask me out of all the bands I love that have broken up who would I most cherish see getting back together (within reason) who would it be? Well I have been very blessed in the last few years as the impossible happened with the Police reuniting and then the ultimate hell freezing over of Van Halen reuniting with David Lee Roth. So who’s left? Well, if the Pixies can do it, so can anyone right (except probably the Talking Heads). Well one of my all-time faves and perhaps my favorite band of the 1990s, Man or Astroman were reforming and even though they were scheduled to play two more times, I didn’t wanna miss the first (or any) show.
Besides a few warmup shows in their hometown of Birmingham, AL this was their first shows as MOA since the legendary Day of All Human Reckoning event they staged ironically here in Austin almost ten years ago (I attended that shit too)
So I don’t know the reason behind the reunion other than maybe just a desire to play, but didn’t really care as this was a chance to be a fan for once and have a good time.
I finally roll into town and am starving so I park next to the Mohawk where the show is happening and walk to find some food (and I see a line already forming around the building) and go to the burrito truck next to the Red-Eyed Fly. I grab some food and sit at the picnic table and immediately start chatting with the dude sitting next to me. As fate would have it, he was Kurt from Flosstradamus, we knew some of the same people and he was performing at the Mohawk right after MOA. We became fast friends and he walked me in so I wouldn’t have to deal with the line (thanks Kurt).

Austin’s The Octopus Project were opening, and they are pretty interesting. Their singer, who’s babe-ship has clearly come in, her act seemed persnickety and contrived however. I was ready to flame out fucking fanboy style for the Astro as I had already bought a t-shirt before they even came on.
The show starts and I’m clearly not the only one that was anticipating this, this much.

 I was freaking out and the crowd was right with it. The brought up the before-mentioned singer for the Octopus Project and Coco joked about being upstaged by her till he did this:

I was pissing myself, it was so awesome! So glad to have them back. One criticism I could offer however is that they said it was the original lineup, but I don’t remember what Birdstuff (drummer) looked like, nor do I remember him doing this: – this show was awesome but about every third song the drummer would come out from the kit, totally break character, commandeer the mic from the singer (much to the singer’s surprise and seemingly embarrassment) and launch into some pompous, mean-spirited blip directed at anybody’s guess, that sounded like two dude’s at Pitchfork arguing over who is more vegan. Sometimes it was funny but overall he just looked like a dickhead begging for attention.
Kurt from earlier was so cool, that though I was tired and had a long week ahead, I was totally gonna check his show out, and I’m glad I did. I have my own little DJ act and so I’m interested regardless and felt like I learned alot by watching. These guys were incredible.
Afterwards I was still pretty wired so I walked over to the Geobash and to familiarize myself with this year’s Pure Volume House. I may look back one day on the flyer below and regret not staying but for now, I had already had a long weekend, a long day, and one hell of a week to come.

Wed Mar 17th –

So I sleep pretty late when I should have got up earlier to hit registration. After leaving the Convention Center I swung by Emo’s to check out the first of many Brooklyn Vegan parties, this one with Fucked Up and the GZA. As I mentioned in a previous blog about my previous trials with the GZA this was yet another entry as their was a sign on the door saying “GZA has canceled”. Their was still a line out the door but now I was annoyed and a bit hungry. I hook up with Sarah as I had an invite to something that contained to of my deepest passions: crawfish and hip-hop – It was a free crawfish boil that was hosted by J Boogie (DJ-The Jungle Brothers). And I was in a hip-hop vibe in anticipation for the GZA before his bullshit canceled. It was a bit far, we had to drive, so we head on over and the shit was on. In maybe not the most practical locations but the food was fantastic and J was rawking some deep reggae stuff and their was some local micro-brewery getting everbody green beer (it was St. Patrick’s Day). It was a blast, we left with our ears ringing and a good late afternoon beer buzz, but what we didn’t leave with was our stomachs full, as good as the food was their wasn’t enough of it, so we were still hungry and hungry for more of the same.
Luckily we were in Austin as I’ve written before a destination for me that I try to hit on every visit to Austin is the Boiling Pot on 6th St right by I35. The shit is to die for! So I said let’s finish what we started and we went and ate till we could barely walk!
I knew I was missing a little mini 80’s hair metal festival (you know how I love those) up the street with Faster Pussycat, L.A. Guns, and the Lynch Mob – but I had a feeling I would see those bands again (more on this later 🙂 but I wanted to get there in time to see Razr 13. I would have totally overlooked the name and might have even left if I had gone earlier after the Lynch Mob, only to kick myself later as I was reading in the Austin Chronicle that Razr 13 was the new project from Doug Pinnick from King’s X. Doug is one of my all-time inspirations so I was eager to check this out, so we finally finished eating and headed over there.
This was part of a week-long thing called the Texas Rockfest that I had also booked some Trickykid bands to play as well the next day so I also wanted to check out the grounds.
We get there after they had already started and keep in mind I knew nothing about this band other than Doug was in the band. The songs weren’t bad if a bit amateurish as compared to the musicianship one normally equates with Pinnick, but even more striking was the how they looked. I didn’t get the greatest shot but one dude looks like he just got out of the penn after 30 years, covered in scary biker tattoos and one other dude looked like a rocker version of King Kong Bundy.
The sound was more of an updated neu-metal sound that wasn’t bad but seemed like a step back for Doug instead of step forward.

  It was around this time I was informed that I had just missed Motorhead again. They were playing about two miles away and normally I am on top of these things but how could I have let this slip by? I knew that they shows were in promotion on a documentary about their infamous singer, simply titled Lemmy. 
This was also one of those nights were, no matter what you do or who you are, their will be one night during SXSW where you just can’t get into anything.
Sadly this was the first night and it seemed like this was gonna be one of those nights. Their was a killer showcase at Stubb’s with Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings and Broken Bells – no dice – then we wandered over to Red 7 to see the comedian Brian Posehn and Voivod – same shit.
Its not like this a dead town or a dead festival, usually you have to choose between awesome stuff, and this was no exception as we headed to the IAMSound Records party for a great show with Salem and Sleigh Bells, as well as Little Boots was DJ’n. This is always one of the better parties and I try not to miss it each year. I have been wanting to see Salem for two years, after I stumbled upon their album in a record store in Canada, it was called Yes, I Smoke Crack – Clearly the band for me. And they did not disappoint, just so fucking weird and dark. It reminded me of this dude Odd Nosdam, that Mike Patton collaborated with recently.

For me, besides business, the real deal is to catch the newer, younger bands. Its cool, going to see your favorites but I would rather gamble on going to see some bands I haven’t seen yet, and this one paid off. Both bands were really great and I wanted to try to catch them again during the festival. Afterwards we swung by the Pure Volume House since we were close to find out who the “Special 3am Guest” was. It looked like a warzone by the door and someone said the guest was Jakob Dylan – all this for that dude? Didn’t something happen? Did he come out or something? Was he gonna do a duet with Lance Bass? I wasn’t sticking around to find out so if my predictions came true, please email me to tell me that I am truly a prophet.Thurs Mar 18th – Day 5

So after another full morning of meetings on no sleep, my usual prioritizing of food over music was taking hold once again. However I wasn’t gonna miss Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings again, so I opted to go to Kabobalicious or whatever its called and actually while standing in line to see them at the Mohawk. How’s that for multi-tasking? – Sharon and the gang were the shit as usual – who cares that it was 3pm and like 1000 degrees outside, she brings it everytime, just the real deal in every sense.

  I had taken refuge like I usually do at the Levi’s Fader Fort. Sucks that its been across the freeway the last few years, but its worth the walk as you can depend on it as a place where you can sit down, grab a free beer, use the bathroom in reasonable time, and they even have a free internet café and reading room with obviously free copies of the Fader. When you have all of this going on, this is a god-send that I take full advantage of every year.
After these two sets I grabbed a beer and sat down and checked email for a bit when holy shit, sitting right across from me was Doug Pinnick. As I previously mentioned I had seen Razr 13 just the night before and he and I spoke briefly (he and I have been friendly over the years, but I’m still a total King’s X fag). I never fan-out and still didn’t this time but it was so cool to be able to speak with someone you have admired so highly for so long and be very frank and candid with them. We even talked business and the possibility of King’s X doing some shows with one of our bands, I was literally shitting myself. He informed me that their was another Razr 13 show that night and personally invited me. For me that’s about as cool as it gets.
I leave the Fort and walk across the street to the Sweet Leaf Party as the GZA was scheduled to go on at 7pm. I knew this idiot was gonna be late and I don’t even know why I bother with this clown, and frankly since it was across the street was probably what got me there.
I get over there and 7pm becomes 8pm and then we start hearing that he had canceled another show at the Iheartcomix Party earlier that day. Is this loser even in Austin? That’s two cancellations so far, but the guy over the PA is assuring us that he is coming. While I’m waiting I also learn that the surprise guest at the IFC House is the Sword and I’m fucking missing them yet again! It would have taken too long to get over there and since I had already waited an hour for the GZA I was determined to see it through.
Finally after a 90 min. delay, the hypemen come out to start the show. However one of them is plugging some solo LP of his coming out and he was straight up whack, just awful. How dare the GZA after all he just put us through make us sit thru a 3-song set of this trash? I was gonna shit in my hand and sling it at this guy. Finally the GZA walks out and starts with Life of a Drug Dealer and the place goes off. However, again the energy peaked around this first song. I guess since this was a free show, (I’m sure HE was still getting paid) he just didn’t give a fuck. He would rhyme a couple of lines and then go hang by the DJ while the hypemen (who sucked) would lead the show, you could even see him back there checking his Blackberry, during the songs!
One cool thing happened was I was at least fortunate to be standing side-stage and I look over and out to the crowd and realize that Bill Murray has been standing next to me this whole time. I’m not one of those Wes Anderson fags, but Bill Murray is still rad and despite already knowing of their pairing in Coffee and Cigarettes how cool is this that he’s checking this out? Would you expect anything less from him? I wonder if he was thinking that this was the worst performance he’s ever seen as well?

So how do I follow that up? By going to see Man or Astroman again – That’s what’s so great about this festival, its just the best of everything, and I love having a few days where the only real decisions that I have that are pressing is BBQ or music? – Do I wanna dance or do I wanna rawk? – Onward.
I get over to Club Deville which is right next door to the Mohawk where it sounded like the GZA was taking his next bow of shame followed by the most hyped band of the conference; the XX. Everytime I turned around their they were – they were everywhere! So the line stretched into the line I was in for MOA.
I finally get inside and after several delays – the transmission begins –
This show had a completely different feel to it than Sunday’s. This one was dirty – I don’t know if it was the crowd or the venue or the late hour (almost 1am) but it was just rowdy- violent almost. Their were several stop-starts, and system malfunctions. They never lost the crowd but these people just seemed to be looking for a fight, that was only exacerbated by once again the drummer, frequently coming out behind the drums to talk shit (about whom was unclear) only to leave their singer to disclaim with apologies right after. Still a great performance and I loved every second of it, but after I felt like I had just seen the Ramones, instead of Man or Astroman.
So now with the late hour approaching everybody was looking for the party. You could feel it in the air, not so much the need to see a specific band as much as a need just to keep the party going (at all costs). Prime example would be that when I got to the Pure Volume House, you would have thought that the Smiths had reformed and the only thing was inside was freaking Andrew W.K. (who..let’s be fair throws quite the party as I was soon to find out…which is perfect for people…like I said..that were looking to party).
I’m not kidding, I had never seen such chaos, apparently their was some confusion with which passes were good for which night, that the door people didn’t even know so the bouncers were just letting the girls they liked in. Just total clusterfuck. I didn’t care enough so I walked down the alley looking for something else, when I see an old acquaintance who is actually working the show (lucky break) and he’s walking Walter Schrefels from Rival Schools (who are about to go on and my reason for going there) in through the back and waves me over to join. Nice one Hank- Much appreciated.
So I poke my head out from the little make-shift backstage thing and see there’s no one really at the party and that’s when I hear the story that explains why soooo many people were outside: Apparently dude from Gym Class Heroes was DJ’n on stage and invited a bunch of people to come dance and the stage collapsed and so they had to evacuate. I’m a lucky dude for missing all that shit, but like I said earlier, their was something hostile in the air all night everywhere.
So Rival School just said fuck it and played on the floor while the drummer and the amps were still on the broken parts:

  That hostile vibe was still rawking – maybe it was the free Taco Bell? – but I went out to the side patio to have a smoke and I run into my buddy Nate, and as we are talking, the table next to us is being overturned by some huge fight that just broke out – what the fuck is going on tonight??
We needed some positivity, we needed to get a party started, conveniently, Andrew W.K. came to our rescue.

Fri Mar 19th – Day 6

I had some time to kill and didn’t feel like walking back across and again my beloved Fader Fort was next door, so I went over there where I could get something to drink and better phone reception. I was undertaking the task of securing equipment for my Ween hermano Claude Coleman Jr, in time for his impending arrival with his solo outfit, Trickykid artists – Amandla, in a few days. While there I got to check out a bit of Marina & the Diamonds, who I actually really enjoyed. (and not just because she is like crazy, stupid, oh my gawd hot).

They were running waaay behind so I decided to go ahead and check out what was sure to be the cluster of all fucks of the conference, as every year (usually on the Friday) they always have a hugely popular band play at Stubb’s (last year they had Metallica for christsakes) and this year it was Muse.
And I see Mischa Barton.

 Headed back across the freeway for my third Man or Astroman show of the week. This was the best of the three. I guess they hit a stride from playing all week and/or wanted to go out with a bang as it were, but this was the most inspired of the three. It still didn’t exclude the pudgy drummer from trying to derail things with his silly, confrontational rants. If this tub of shit came at me I would just hurl powdered donuts at him:

But the other guys came to play and put on a great show, and when it ended I felt sad, now not having the comfort of knowing if and when I would see them again.
So this long day was believe it or not still had about eight more hours to go and it was after 10pm already. The endurance trial that is SXSW, but think of all I’ve already seen and now the countdown to Les Savy Fav later that night was just beginning. I still had some time and since I’ve been kinda staying at one place most of the week, this was my night to bounce around.
Then I shot over to where the old Fader Fort used to be to catch the end of particularly rowdy set from the Death Set. There shows are always nuts, just a great bunch of young guys that don’t give a fuck. They kinda hit my anti-hipster buttons at times, but they are so raw and have been consistently good everytime I’ve seen them.
And nowwww, it was time to get serious – seriously fucking crazy, it was time for the mighty Les Savy Fav and of course of all the venues in Austin, they were befittingly playing this seedy back patio joint that you had to enter through this gross alley to get to. For me, the anticipation was high, I should have felt burnt out by the events of the day, but I was totally energized and I wasn’t alone. You could feel the buildup as people started making their way to the front, and pretty soon, you couldn’t even move your feet and this was before they had even played a note. Now, you probably know the drill, or have seen the band, or if you read this blog heard me lament their legendary live show time and again, and its always this: How are they gonna top that shit I saw last time? – and the answer in its simplest form is that it always does and it usually reveals itself in the first ten minutes. The pressure is so large and looming you actually feel it yourself and are convinced that frontman Tim Harrington must be feeling it too, and if he is, he uses it as motivation because I’ve seen them alot of times and this was, even by their standards one of their most unique shows. I’m certain that Harrington hadn’t planned any of this it just fucking happens, and it happens everytime.
Harrington came out to check his microphone and wound up staying on stage to just chat with the audience. At first he told us how his dad suggested a joke to open the set with: “down here you guys have longhorns (makes UT hand sign), but up in NYC we have a unicorn (flips off audience).” Then he poked fun at the industry-nature of SXSW by rattling off a list of fake places they were going to play later in the week and imploring us to come see them again because they felt certain they were “really about to break.” After a few more minutes of poking fun at everything from himself to the long list of sponsors on the SXSW banner (“We’re really thrilled to have Chevy involved in this…”) he launches into the opening parts of In these Woods and then the band kicks in and the place fucking EXPLODES!!
Harrington was all over the place as usual, and fucking with anything that came in his path, and really the only thing there was to fuck with was the lights that flanked each side of the stage. It didn’t take long for him to realize that they could be easily unplugged and that’s when inspiration truly struck. He was fending off his bandmates who were looking on in horror telling them to “relax..let’s take our time, I have a mood to create” haha
Things were about to get really crazy – Once the lights were out, a few fans threw glow sticks on stage, which Tim promptly picked them up, tore them open with his mouth and naturally dumped its contents all over himself – he could NOT have planned this!

They made it through a few more songs, including new material from the their forthcoming new LP Root for Ruin, as well as a Silver Jews cover. From memory I remember:

In these Woods
Pills
The Equestrian
Patty Lee
Raging in the Plague Age
Yawn Yawn Yawn

And as if shit couldn’t get any crazier (or weirder) it takes the lights off again, this time leaving the place in total darkness to finish with the most fuck-shit-up version of The Sweat Descends. You couldn’t see your hand in front of your face and just had to rely on the energy of the movement and the insanity that was happening on stage. One of the wildest and weirdest nights from one of the wildest and weirdest bands.

You would think that would be the end, but Harrington comes back out (its now like five minutes to 2am) and tries to get something going but the venue cuts his mic, so he improvises by leading the crowd in an accapella version of One Way Window before it seemed like everyone (including the band) was asked to leave. Just fucking epic.
Ok, so now if you are reading this, are you like “Roy, go the fuck home already” ? I would be too, but alas I was in the mood to take it as far as I could.
As I had mentioned earlier, as this time of the night people are dying to get there hands on anything to keep the party going and they also seek exclusivity. It seems to make them feel special somehow, like everyone else has to follow the 2am curfew but we however are cool enough to be above that. So if you throw something exclusive, after-hours and reputable at them? Holy shit, you will have a riot on your hands, and that’s just what I was walking into.
First of all, I was so hyped from the Les Savy Fav show, I had the bright idea to walk the 15 or so blocks over to the campus where this party was happening at some hippie co-op joint that could only exist in Austin, that was promising an unthinkable 3am set from Andrew W.K.
Fuck it, let’s do it – I wish I had better photos of this because I can’t even begin to illustrate the carnage that besieged this apartment complex. Apparently there was this recreational style room upstairs that could hold about 400 people and that’s where the show was gonna go down. All it did was just illuminate the inner narcissist of everyone there. People were fighting, scraping, even taking huge safety risks in scaling this building to get up there…all not to see the show, but to be able to say they saw the show. It was ridiculous and they only thing I can think of as to why I stuck around was because I had walked so far and was mesmerized by the shallowness. There is alot more to say as people were at serious risk, as there were fights everywhere, and people throwing beer bottles down on to the people below. Those few that lived there that deemed themselves in charge were just as laughable. Just like the cop that’s never had any authority was now gonna abuse it. This coming from these silly hippies that would be the first to tell you how much they hate cops were acting just like one by getting off on telling people who could come up and who couldn’t like some velvet rope for Hare Krishnas.

I’m embarrassed to tell you that one of these fucks actually recognized me from being part of the Ween crew and welcomed me with open arms and started singing Ocean Man loudly in my ear. How fucking embarrassing –  I just smiled and said thanks as I breezed past these people that were literally begging me to take me with them upstairs.
3am became 4am and finally as I was gonna leave around 430am here comes Andrew W.K. – I can’t even tell you how weird, but yet awesome this was. This was the real deal, off the beaten path and legit as fuck. The sound was about as shitty as if they were playing the toy aisle with equipment they sold there at Toys R Us, and also maybe because I think that this was like Andrew’s freaking fifth show that day – but he didn’t show any signs of fatigue, nor did the crowd as they lost their shit, and their was a vibe of “I’m at the party everyone will be talking about tomorrow feel”. I could give a shit about stuff like that but I was feeding of the crowd and how liberating the whole thing felt. But I was still smart to hang in the back 🙂

 The set was only 30 mins but that was more than enough, it was like a firecracker that keep exploding for thirty straight minutes. This time I wised up, grabbed a cab and headed to my hotel.

Sat Mar 20th –

So after the unmatched insanity of last night, I slept as long as I could. I had some more things to do to get ready for Trickykid Day at Cheapodiscs the next day so I kinda ran out of the shower and off I went. Now, when I left I noticed that it felt significantly colder than it did just yesterday or what it would normally be. Usually its already sweltering, and so naturally I didn’t pack anything that would really combat this issue. By the time I got downtown, I was freezing, and I noticed something that I have never seen in Austin, TX before: snow and ice – can you believe it? In Austin, in March? Apparently it had snowed that morning and it was around 4pm and the temperature had dropped to 19 degrees. Now I know I live in NYC, but I HATE cold, despise it with every fiber in my being. And if my hotel wasn’t so far away, I would have just gone back to bed and said fuck it. Sucks that this was happening on the last day of the festival. Even more depressing was that everything I had planned for the day was outside – there was no escape from it.
After my meetings the first thing I did was go over to Rachael Ray‘s party – to accomplish two things: a) to eat that good food – b) to be just another dork there to gawk at Zooey Deschanel and her band She & Him. I DJ’d Rachael’s party a few years back and I know that if you want to eat you gotta get there early, but the cold had a hand in the attendance so there was plenty of food for me when I got there.
Poor Zooey, you could tell that she wasn’t (like me) prepared for this unbearable cold and she would candidly between songs say “My god, its freezing”
Hey at least she looked good:)

…and sadly that’s all she could do, and thank goodness she has her acting and modeling career, and good for her for trying, but music just isn’t gonna be her thing. It was probably exactly what you were expecting – high profile actress using her connections to play a huge venue to sensitive indie-rock guys and girls that quote Rushmore that will claim the music was brilliant. It was not brilliant – it was as about as flaccid and uninteresting as it could be. She sings nice, and it’s a pleasant affair, but its nothing anyone should take seriously. It will get way more attention that it deserves and for all the wrong reasons.
So I leave there and it looks like I’m basically following Andrew W.K. around or vice versa (and not with much luck so its good that I wasn’t) cause I just missed him before She & Him and as I walk back across the freeway I just missed him again. This guy was everywhere.
The main thing I was missing was my jacket and pretty soon my will to live, it was so cold! – I’m not ashamed to admit this but there was nowhere to hide so I went into survival mode and actually took a couple of long spells hiding in the Port-a-Shitters just to stay warm and to block the wind. Yes, I would rather smell copious amounts of other people’s shit than be this cold.
I should have just gone back to the hotel…and what? miss GWAR? Not a chance – Like this week couldn’t have gotten any crazier 🙂 I haven’t seen GWAR since I was a teenager, and its a great show, but for me, it gets old quick. Like the fourth time I’m hit with fake blood, I’ve had my fill, but who can’t get it up for GWAR? I know I can.
I just wish they were passing out blankets and cocoa, instead of fake dismemberments. It really is a site that even if you have seen it before is still pretty staggering to see, not to mention freaking awesome.
It was funny because as they were pummeling the crowd with the music and the blood the wind would sweep through and blow the blood back on to them.
They did the bit about making fun of the music industry (naturally) that ended with the sacrifice of Lady Gaga. It really had to be seen to be believed.

 

So I think by choosing this over the Perez Hilton party (like there was any doubt) I believe I made the right choice haha. This was confirmed as after this I walked by that party and the line seemed to stretch to Louisiana. I was on my way to something that I had been anticipating all week (and sadly it was outside too, and it was actually getting COLDER). The Red Bull Hip-Hop party with some of my all-time favorite DJ’s and MCs. I get there in time to see the end of the Juan Maclean
and up next is Cut Chemist from the J5 crew. Straight up, I’m a total hip-hop guy, surely not of the baggy pants, sports jersey, pimp swagger foolishness, but I love this shit and primarily the old school guys and the real deal DJs. CC is an amazing performer and his set was mind-boggling. I was so cold, I wanted to dance to warm up, but I could barely move. They had this great projection screen setup with super close camera angles so you could really see what he was doing, and with these kinda DJs that’s what you want really.

 

Up next was one of the baddest DJs to ever to do it and one of the main reasons why I started, DJ Jazzy Jeff. Cmon..you know this dude, you could sing the theme to Fresh Prince of Bel Air right now, no problem. Jeff is the man, in my mind he, Kool Herc and Jam-Master-Jay started turntablism. So I was super pumped about getting to see him in action. My man was so cold, he kept rubbing his hands together between scratches to stay warm. This was a full-on party. He played all the old school joints you wanted to hear and presented them in an entirely new way. Exactly what a DJ is supposed to do.

 

I went to the back in hopes that the bodies in front of me would block the deadly wind. It was fucking freezing, but it really was a beautiful night, and Jazzy was so great I actually forgot I was cold for a sec and took in the scene.

 

   Now another amazing DJ, Z-Trip was supposed to close and I know that he had to cancel so I thought that Jazzy was the last to go on, but then we realize that Z-Trip’s replacement is freaking Mos Def. This guy has a swagger that is his, and his alone. I’ve had many candid experiences with Mos Def in recent years and he’s always on, always funny, and has an air of confidence that is piercing. Not douchy like Kanye, more like Ali, with not as much bragging.
From the opening line of the way he spoke-not shouted “How yall feeling this evening?” it was suddenly his show. In recent years he’s becoming as known for his humor as much as his music, and you could tell this was very last minute, off-the-cuff style as it just seemed like he found an hour ago that he was gonna be performing, but instead of looking or seeming unprofessional or unprepared, the spontaneity was the charm of the show. He talked alot, and fucked with the crowd a bunch, and mainly stuck to recent songs, but it felt intimate and was really fun.

 

It was now after 1am and what you ask, what could you possibly have let to do sir? Well it was technically the last night so would there be a better way to go out with a bang than to head to Vice‘s annual conference closing party, headlined by Les Savy Fav (and did I mention it was indoors, and only two blocks away?).
I get there and the line is already formed and its not moving. You never know at this party who is going on when, so I just wanted to get in and get settled. The cold made me impatient, so I became one of those leeches that just kinda hangs by the front door, thinking this is gonna get you in faster, and I would never endorse this, but my friend from Vice spots me (and she wouldn’t have in my previous location) whispers in my ear that they are at capacity and not letting anyone else in, probably for the rest of the night, and to follow her. Perfect timing cause as soon as I grabbed a drink and went to the bathroom the Fav were setting up.
Now I knew that this was not their show, so it would be an abbreviated version, but we are taking about Les Savy Fav, hell the Dwarves can accomplish in 15 mins what most bands can’t in two hours.
Tim Harrington comes out wearing an evil-grinning rabbit mask, which, he explained, belonged to the US government and had been given to him by a guy from NASA who was interviewing rock bands about the moon, as the band launches into Pills. This show got rowdy in a hurry – the set was almost identical as last night’s except a new song Let’s Get Out of Here – and this time they played their legendary show-closing anthem Who Rocks the Party? and as you can imagine, the place totally lost their shit, as I did right along with them. Harrington losing the mic after the first verse, then dragging a table into the crowd and singing from atop it with the crowd a total dancing shouting mess at this point. And like last night, he led the crowd to the opening rap of One Way Window before they cut his mic. Just freaking incredible.

 

Between sets this great DJ, Jason Toubin, was spinning all these great obscure soul jams from an impressive collection of 45s he had, that turned the place into a dancing speakeasy right out of Dirty Dancing. I stayed and danced for a bit, but it was now close to 4am so I head for the door. Something funny happened as I was waiting for a cab (they are not easy to catch at 4am like they are in NYC…I was about to co-miserate this fact with some familiar faces) as I’m standing there I can hear voices behind me and realize that Tim and the gang are now competing with me for a cab. I thought I was having trouble, Tim is not only a portly, balding weirdo, but he’s wearing this hideous (on purpose) all-over shaw that even he can barely keep a straight face while wearing. I concede as the next cab pulls up as their are five of them and one of I, but not before we all had some fun, lamenting the lack of public transportation in this town.

Austin City Limits Fest 2009

Wed Sept 30th

Made my way to Dallas and out to Fort Worth to catch the Amtrak train to Austin, TX for this year’s big 3 day Austin City Limits Festival. It didn’t start till Friday but I got there a few days early because Them Crooked Vultures were doing a couple of special shows prior to the festival. If you don’t already know (see the August/Lollapalooza entry below for more) that they are a three-piece comprised of Josh Homme (Kyuss/QOTSA), Dave Grohl and freaking John Paul Jones.
The first show was a taping for the legendary TV show (and the festival’s namesake) Austin City Limits. I’ve always wanted to attend one of these unforgettable performances that I’ve always admired no matter who was playing, but this was not to be believed. (thank you Leslie for the hookup).

  I was surprised that alot of people expected them to actually do songs from their other respective bands, and were disappointed when they didn’t. This was a new band making a new statement (their record wasn’t even out yet) and some people still just wanted to hear the same ol, same ol.

Thurs Oct 1st

Back for round two (three if you count Chicago) as now Them Crooked Vultures were doing a public show at Stubb’s as a warmup to their big coming out at the festival on Friday. This was a fun show and a testament to the legendary careers that all three have had, cause no one had even heard a note of this new music and the show sold out in minutes based upon the member’s collective reputations. That was a neat thing to witness and be a part of. Unbearably packed (but thankfully well mannered) and hot in there, the anticipation was huge and when they took the stage the noise was deafening.
This show was identical to the first show in Chicago.

 A big difference and nothing against Chicago but this crowd was so appreciative that it made you proud to be there. Homme who is known for his quips had a great line when JPJ changed from bass to keytar ” Only John Paul Jones could make the keytar look badass”. Here is the set-list from the show:

Fri Oct 2nd

The first day of the festival was here and I tried to prepare myself for the heat and the crowds. I had a late night the night before as after the TCV show at Stubb’s I went to a party at the Beauty Bar which is basically across the street. Made it downtown to Artist Pickup and got my wristbands and finally got to the festival a little after 5pm.

  This was my third year to attend the festival but strangely the first time in five years. Since then I had been to all of the Coachellas and a few of the Lollapalooza‘s and Bonnaroos, but this is a really nice one to attend. Its put on by C3presents (the same company that does Lollapalooza) and its in Austin and who doesn’t love Austin, Texas?
The Artist van drops me off in front of the artists lounge and the great people that do the nationwide free ice cream campaign are the first people I see with their truck parked right at the front of the lounge. Some of the best people you will ever meet, check out his site, its so awesome – icecreamman.com

  So after getting settled and embarrassing myself with a few rounds of the new Beatles Rock Band, I meet a rad local girl (who ironically was the singer in my newly formed fab four) and we head out to see our first band of the day, Thievery Corporation.

They were really good and I had always wanted to see them. Now some will fault me as the festival started at 11am and I didn’t see a band till 630pm but it was hot and admittedly more comfortable in the back with the free food so sue me 🙂
As soon as they ended we had our shuttle driver haul ass to the other side of the festival to see (you guessed it) Them Crooked Vultures. How’s this for obsessive? – This was only their fourth show in the US ever at this point and at that time I had seen ALL of them and three times in as many days. All of those shows had been club shows or other special events but this really the FIRST show in front of a huge crowd and it had that feel to it. If I had had thought the crowd was loud the night before, it paled in comparison to this ovation. It was interesting to see the appeal that John Paul Jones had on the crowd. Though the majority of the this crowd was the young and hip culture that Austin is known for, it was neat to see that some people had come to see JPJ solely and actually didn’t know who the other two people in the band were. That’s dedication.

    This show was identical to the television taping just a few days prior. Though I had it pretty much down at this point, this is a great new exciting thing that must be witnessed.
My new Austin friend was chomping at the bit to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who were thankfully playing on the adjacent stage right after. We scrambled around to watch from backstage but couldn’t really see anything so we got as close as we could up front. Now I don’t really have anything to add to my previous and recent description of their performance at Lollapalooza (see previous entry) and I’m of course biased.
But they were replacing the Beastie Boys again just like this past August but this time they didn’t make the nod to them like that show. They did however put on a very powerful and visually entertaining show as always.
 So after they played my new friend and I walk out of Zilker Park and you can see that this festival has just taken over the whole town. This city is always alive with young, progressive people, but this was total meltdown and all the vendors had lined the streets with tents selling their wares, apparently the demographic is alot of tie-dye and bong hits. Good times though as we danced in the streets with everyone else and made our way to get something to eat.
Her and I had different agendas however as she had a birthday to attend so I had her drop me off at Emo’s where some friends of mine from Brooklyn,  !!! (pronounced chk chk chk) where doing a warm up gig of their own before playing the festival tomorrow. For those not familiar, they are one of the most fun and energetic live shows you will ever witness. They have reached beloved status because of their legendary live show and when they hit stage around midnight people were ready to get down!
I have seen a half a dozen of theirs shows or so and I say this every time I see them but this was one of the best ever. The energy and momentum is incomparable. (Editor’s Note: Since this time and now drummer Jerry Fuchs died in a freak accident in Brooklyn- We miss you Jerry R.I.P.)

 I danced my ass off and had a great time as the ended with the one-two punch of Intensify and Heart of Hearts. Got out of the show around 2am and waited to meet a friend who was coming from Round Rock to have a late night meal with me. She finally shows up around 3am and we go to Austin staple Kerbey Lane by the University. A bit of a wait even at this late hour because of the festival so after we eat and talk and she drops me off its after 6am.

Sat Oct 3rd

The night before Nic (chk chk chk) said that since they are going on at 2pm that if I came to the Emo’s gig I didn’t have to show up early. I wanted to prove him wrong but alas I didn’t get into bed until 7am. I didn’t even wake up till after 2pm and when I did it was really gross and rainy outside. Not the ideal setting for a mass outdoor event (more on this later).
I met up and had lunch with Nic and Paul from (chk chk chk) and I asked them how their set was despite the gross conditions and early start time. Those guys could throw a party anywhere.
Then I ventured out to catch the last half of Trail of Dead, another Austin mainstay that are always great live. It wasn’t just raining, it was a freaking buzzkill. Lightening and misery just made everyone and everything seem gross. I did stick it out to see the first couple of songs from Mos Def, who seemed totally unaffected by the rain and brought a huge posse of dancers and a live band. This would have killed in a club and I was disappointed that the conditions made me just want to be a big wuss and retreat to the comfort in the Artists Lounge.

  One of the things I was most looking forward to today was the arrival of my oldest friend Chris Todd and his wife Tammy. They weren’t getting in till after Day 2 of music was over so I promised him I would check out Devotchka. I know I sound so spoiled but wait till you see the pics of the fucking mudpeople, I hold no since of nostalgia for Woodstock nor a need to recreate it, but I kept my word and checked out a bit of their set, and I’m glad I did, they were fantastic.

Now that the rain had cleared and it was night-time (always a bit of an incentive as far as mood goes) I was ready to experience another Austin export that I’ve hearing about from everywhere, Ghostland Observatory. The cool thing about this was that I literally had NO idea what they were about period. Even based on what I heard they were totally (and refreshingly) different. I thought I was gonna be in for like a Radiohead clone (to illustrate just how removed I was from them) but just as I got up to the scaffolding side stage, these two freaks (that being a Texas native, these two could ONLY have come from the Lone Star State) come walking out, one wearing a Tron/Dr. Who looking electric cape and the other was a cross between Richard Petty and any cast member of Easy Rider. So what is THIS gonna sound like? The crowd is already going crazy and then here it comes: This dancy wailing banshee freak show complete with laser light show, just fucking awesome. It occurred to me however what a feat that they had brought this to such a high-profile level, cause being in this business as long as I have and being from Texas I could easily see this just being something that 50 people in Austin care about (but those 50 would REALLY freaking care).  From my perspective I was able to get a small shot of Mos Def who was dancing a jig behind the drum riser that was completely obscured to the audience.

Then has the show had reached such a high momentum, they did a fun smart thing, that dials right into that Texas local pride by bringing out the UT Austin Longhorns Marching Band to join them for a few songs.

Sun Oct 4th

No sleeping in today, as it was the last day of the festival, and I had to meet with my com padres Clutch who got a shitty time slot of 2pm. However the weather did take a nice sunny turn, but when I got to the site, holy shit, yesterday’s monsoon had just the sheer power of the foot traffic had turned the general population area into mushy peat bog about a foot deep. You could literally smell the ooze in the air, probably because as always there are some good-natured folks who embrace this sort of thing and can’t resist saying “fuck it, let’s become Swamp Thing“.

   So after hitting the Lounge for an early lunch I went to meet up with Clutch, whom I’ve had a long history with throughout the years. It was cool watching them rehearse out in the open and so early in the day down beneath the stage. Now it was showtime and they were all business, so I bid them a good show and took my place sidestage. Obviously given the short set-time they wanted to showcase their newest record Strange Cousins from the West as seven of their nine songs were from that record. For a band I’ve come to know so well, it was great to see them so out of their element which is completely what they strive for and deliver every time.

    

   Next up was time for some other old friends of mine from Fort Worth, the Toadies.  Hadn’t seen them since London over the Summer. They are like the equivalent of Classic Rock in Texas, just perfect for a sunny day in Austin who gave them a hero’s welcome. They played exactly what you would expect in a festival set, right to the hits, no bullshit, and then whipped out Got a Heart, which was a nice surprise.

        After their set I hung out with Mark (drummer) and his wife for a bit catching up and debating if we all wanted to eat or go see the Dirty Projectors. The heat was taking its toll, so food it is (Nourishment 1 – Indie – Trust Fund Rock 0) but the shuttles were so congested we had to wait forever for one (which became the theme of the day,so it made the decision of how bad you wanted something interesting), so we just split up and met back up in the catering tent.
Their merch guy Tony used to be in a Dallas band Hagfish, along with their new bass player Donni Blair and his brother Zach who is now in Rise Against, who joined us for lunch but I don’t know if he was playing that day or not. After eating I took as much juice/soda/water I can carry out to the general population to find Chris and his wife and some other friends of mine to offer them something that no doubt being overcharged for, when I made it about 5 yards in and I literally started to sink. I felt guilty about it but I was getting the fuck out of that mess!
   Now it was time for something I was greatly anticipating, The Dead Weather. To know me is to know my complete and utter devotion to the music of Jack White, and now that would take on yet a different form as he has yet another new band where this time he is playing drums. Another cool thing (and a testament to our friendship) is that although Chris and I haven’t any contact whatsoever is over five years, during that time he had developed a similar obsession, so it was great to share this excitement with him.
Besides Jack White the band is rounded out by Alison Mosshart ( The Kills) , Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age) Jack Lawrence who is White’s partner in crime in his other band The Raconteurs.
This is designed to go down in a small, dark, smokey club around 1am but they killed! My fave set all weekend and perhaps one of the best of the year.

    Now this next part requires a little bit of explaining and a backstory if you like. I was prepared to make an effort right after the Dead Weather finished to go to the other side of the festival to see Girl Talk. As a DJ and a fan of music and a marveler of mashups and as someone who is pretty dialed in to popular culture this was something intriguing to me. I’ve heard everyone back in Brooklyn talking about him, I’ve heard and downloaded his stuff and was very impressed, enjoyed the backstory of this guy being some mad scientist who quit his career as a bio-mechanics engineer to rock the house etc.. I bought it, I was in, let’s go.
Now for this space I’m not gonna lead a pretentious type of discussion about what is truly a DJ, should they be looked at as musicians etc…all that crap you have heard before. I have my own ideas about all of that, none probably original so I’ll spare you and just talk about the experience.
The shuttle driver drops me off behind the stage where there is already a mob of people trying to get a glimpse. I had seen pictures of his performances and it looks like New Year’s Eve everytime so I get the hype. He’s got his finger on the pulse of that FIT, NYLON Magazine reading, 18-20 female crowd, that brings dudes of all ages around as well, so he really can’t do no wrong here.
However, what I witnessed was absolute shit. Call me an old curmudgeon who’s lost the plot but this whole thing had no place for me and I can’t help but feel all the better for it.  As so super lame as it sounds and I hate it myself when I hear people say this, but the entire time I was witnessing it I could hear a little voice of reason saying “This is exactly what’s wrong with everything, this is the defining example of where everything went to shit”.
Now having said that, he played, people danced and smiled (a few even got naked) and I’m sure a majority of people left that with a feeling of a good time and that’s great they should. My problem lies not in the absurdity of its popularity but its power. From behind the stage I could hear people chanting stuff in unison but didn’t know what was leading the charge. I learned later it was the screen they were facing (that I was behind) and all of the requests no matter how preposterous (like…”throw money in mud” ..and a few questionable ones)  were fulfilled.
As I watched this from sidestage, all these people were onstage dancing with him to make it a party, and everyone else was trying to get onstage to join them.  And the admittance regardless of credentials was some super lame velvet rope thing a la Studio 54, with some intern in shades (it was 8pm at night) making the selection. “what the fuck am I doing here?” I exclaimed and the problems only begin with the social aspects of this travesty.
Now again, if you go to FIT, read NYLON and you are reading this you will probably say “Dude, relax and dance” and you will probably be right and if you are everyone else you should criticize me for having waaay too much to say on something so insignificant.

      Now another surprise came but this time from some familiar faces. In the early 90’s I got to experience as a very young person, the great boom of new music that came out of Seattle, that everyone still talks about and makes silly claims about its importance or non-importance. Great time to be a young person and I was right in the middle of it, but because of my punk/metal/thrash tastes at the time I had to be a convert. I liked the heaviness of Nirvana and Soundgarden and my age would dictate that I enjoyed belonging to the something from its beginning. You really couldn’t be into just one of these bands, even though they were sold separately, they may as well just bundled them because once you had Nevermind or Badmotorfinger surely you had to buy Ten to complete the set.  Much like growing up in the 80’s you were surely into G.I. Joe , Transformers, and He-Man, but someone had to be number three.
For me, this is where Pearl Jam has always stood. I really enjoyed them, think they are an incredible band, one of the best live bands I still have ever seen to this day (hell I even worked at Stone Gossard‘s label Loosegroove for a period) but the interest somehow didn’t come as natural after somewhere around that third record.  Working in music I was aware of their subsequent releases, and even if you didn’t who could forget their headline-grabbing (and at times…temple-scratching) decisions like battling Ticketmaster and releasing their entire tours live to diffuse the bootleggers of their profit.
Since I was caring less about the music I was caring less about the cause so eventually I tuned out completely. So that’s why although their popularity hasn’t waned, I really had no idea that since 1996 when I last gave a fuck that this band had become this generation’s Grateful Dead.  Seems that everyone I spoke to only came on Sunday and only to see them. Everywhere you looked on Sunday it was the Pearl Jam nation.
So I thought I should check some of this out, and what followed was a two hour + marathon that would make anyone a believer. I knew that this was a high-profile gig and it has that potential of something special happening, but it was so effortless that it gave me the impression that this is what happens at all of their gigs, hence the cult like following.
I saw Perry Farrell backstage shortly before they hit stage, struck by inspiration going on about how he wanted to get up and do his own band’s Mountain Song and how unforgettable it would be.
Here is the setlist and pics from the show: (including a great pic of when Eddie Vedder joined the mud-people)

 

Setlist –
   1.Why Go
2.Corduroy
3.Got Some
4.Not For You
5.Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town
6.Given To Fly
7.World Wide Suicide
8.Even Flow
9.Unthought Known
10.Daughter
11.Hail Hail
12.Insignificance
13.Present Tense
14.State Of Love And Trust
15.The Fixer
16.GoEncore:17.Jazz Odyssey
18.Red Mosquito (with Ben Harper)
19.Do The Evolution
20.The Real Me (The Who cover)
21.AliveEncore 2:22.Mountain Song (Jane’s Addiction cover w/ Perry Farrell)
23.Rockin’ in the Free World (Neil Young cover)
   I mean fan or not who could fuck with this?, my goodness. What other band could put an exclamation point on the weekend as being the last band on the last day in this fashion? Now I get it, fucking legendary.
I made my way back to the Lounge to catch the shuttle back to downtown. Chris and his wife had made an early exit to get cleaned up from all of the mud and we had planned to meet up a bit later to go to another party. The next two hours became very social, I don’t because if it was the end but everyone was talking to everybody. I first ran into my good friend Sam from LA (who was working the event and ironically was my assigned shuttle driver) as I was taking the golf cart back to pickup I rode with this couple who were on something of a third date and I turned on the cut-through-the-bullshit mode that I’m known for and started asking questions that clearly they were both afraid to ask each other. An hour later they came to find me to tell me that they had decided to make their relationship official and it was because of what I said and they were thanking me profusely. Good times.
As I was walking out some of the guys in Pearl Jam were coming in namely Jeff Ament, and behind him I see Doug Pinnick (King’s X)  & he came up and we had a nice chat.  I knew that he had some correlation to Jeff Ament as its seems every interview I’ve read over the years Jeff has found someone way to talk about King’s X and I think they are working on a project together, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him hanging with PJ, but as any performer who is not scheduled to play its surprising and exciting to see them.
So after I talked to Doug for awhile, Sam told me the van was ready and it was time to go. So I and a few of the performers climbed into the van, and here is where things come full circle. I was to be the last stop as I was going to the farthest and so I could hang with Sam for a bit, and the last two people were me and this other dude who were both going to the same place (Beauty Bar) and as we are talking its starting to occur to me that this is the Girl Talk dude. Greg I believe his name was, was totally cool and really funny and I kinda felt bad for talking shit earlier (but not really haha). He’s telling me that he wants to do a gig right now at the Beauty Bar since no one knows anything about it. All I can think of is the walls caving in with throngs of girls from American Apparel ads (not such a bad thought) besieging the place as their cool status couldn’t sustain the notion of missing something so hush hush once word got around.
I thought now to have Sam take me somewhere else but this is where I was to meet Chris and his wife and my oldest friends works here too who I hadn’t had the chance to say hello to yet. Girl Talk dude and I go into the Beauty Bar and within minutes I’m hearing that the place is not prepared for the headache of what would happen once word got out, so they put the kibosh on it and I saw him leave shortly after.
Two girls from San Francisco were chatting me up and dancing and as the place was closing they asked if I knew of any other after-parties.
I had heard that something was going on at the Congress Bridge, but those things usually get busted and in a hurry, but these girls were anxious to make their last night continue, so into a cab and off to the bridge we go. As we walk up their is Greg Girl Talk dude…again (someone is following somebody).  I had to admire him for wanting to rawk it here as this was about as real deal as it gets, open and to the public.
As expected, he hadn’t got two bars into the first track and here come the police:

 

Lollapalooza 2009

Sat Aug 8th

  Was gonna be hooking up with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs today, as they were asked last minute to replace the Beastie Boys who were forced to cancel because of Adam Yauch’s cancer scare. Then the mini-gig between acts on Perry Farrell’s stage. This city has this whole thing so perfectly organized. I was at this (since its been a destination festival in Chicago) once before when I was touring with Ween in 2006.
Got checked in and wrist-banded and all that and in time to catch the last half of Atmosphere who were awesome as always, and headed to my little between act mini-gig I was doing for Sony Playstation.
Insanely hot, and more crowded than I expected it being so early. Farrell had just done a little something on this stage so people were still around checking it out. Massive amounts of people.

  Thankfully my go-cart driver was savvy but I still had to fight to get to the stage to Santigold. The love for her was off the charts and got some of this biggest reaction all weekend. She was so freaking awesome, and probably the most fun I had of all the bands I saw. I saw her at the Moveon.org Pre-Inaugural Ball in D.C. earlier this year and this was no less fantastic. Did her portion of Jay-Z’s “Brooklyn (Go Hard)” and covered The Cure’s “Killing an Arab”. Astounding.

  I opted out of seeing Lyyke Li again for TV on the Radio, whom I can’t recall ever seeing in spite of the fact that they live down the street from me. I’m sure I have I just couldn’t remember because if they were this good last time I would have remembered, wow. They are one of those bands that I’m so sick and tired of hearing people heap praise upon, but it’s pretty undeniable, they rule. One of the most original bands in recent memory, and I have no one to compare them to.

   Now it was time to get the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s stage. One of the big moments of this band’s shows is the anticipation of what singer Karen O will be wearing this time. It’s literally just as much as part of the package as anything the band will play. It usually an original piece she has pulled together and its always over the top and never fails to steal the spotlight. When I saw her putting it on backstage, the look of glee on her face in a “wait till they get a load of me” smirk, let me know this more than a gimmick to her as she was visibly nervous as the stakes had been raised since they were filling in for the Beastie Boys. Acknowledging this by just doing the first couple bars of “Sabotage” was classy and subtle.

So after they got going I had to eat something as I hadn’t most of the day. Now one thing at these things (and you wonder why artists act like spoiled brats) is that they really take care of you. Golf carts to the stage of your choice, full catered meals and all the booze you can handle. So I had my driver take me to catering to see what was left of dinner. After I ate, I went to the Artists Lounge for a drink, and met these two really fun local girls. One of them, Chasity, I found to be a kindred spirit and this girl made me laugh from the second she said hello. We were behind the stage that Tool was playing at and I haven’t seen or cared about this band since I was in High School. One of the great things about this kind of festival is that it makes it easy to see things you would normally never patronize. If the circus was in your backyard, you might bend your neck to have a look right? Same principal here.  So we decided to walk down and check out the end of their set. I could hear the singer but I couldn’t spot him anywhere, and it wasn’t because of lack of perspective, it was like he was literally hiding. So the jokes of him phoning in his performance were abound.

Here are some tweets from the day:
“Tool are decent players but they are stuck in a really lame image and their fans are the worst.”
“Tv on the Radio are so freaking good. #Lollapalooza2009 ”
“Santigold is doing the Cure’s “Killing an Arab”
“the love for Santigold is off the charts! my goodness”
“just saw Atmosphere tear shit apart. #Lollapalooza09 “
 So I met back up with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs who were headed to the Spin Magazine Party, and it was then I was so thankful that my hotel was right across the street as I had time to change clothes, take a 10 min nap and make it there by midnight. Of course when I got there, there was this whole scene outside trying to get in, but we were ushered right in through a side door. I was excited about the lineup of Santigold with the GZA, followed by Passion Pit. This kind of music really thrives in this late-night kind of environment.

    Free booze and the like were flowing when I met two more locals that made the trip memorable. A really charming girl was chatting me up while holding her boyfriend’s camera equipment while he was shooting in the next room. One of the best conversations on the whole tour, I found out she’s a writer and all around bad ass. Her boyfriend was (obviously a photographer) and equally as cool. Ended up hanging with them for the rest of the evening. They insisted on taking a pic with me despite the fact that due to the events of the day I looked eerily similar to a member of Lynard Skynard.

Said goodbye to the Yeahs and my new friends after Passion Pit finished and made the walk back down Michigan Ave to my hotel before the sun came up. Knew tomorrow was gonna be more of the same. Good times.

Sun Aug 9th

I go have dinner where I met back up with Chasity. She was even more lovely than the day before and such fun that one, as who else could have talked me into going to see Snoop Dogg while in a food coma?

  He was fun like you would expect (as I’ve seen before) and this time he even had a full band with him to round out the sound. However, performance wise, it was as disposable as his image. A series of cookie-cutter call and response routines that made no difference, no impact and will not be remembered.
Chasity and I parted and promised to meet back up for Jane’s Addiction later, as I returned to my comfort seat in the south end to catch a bit of Lou Reed. Now no one can take away this man’s legend, or underestimate his contributions to the tapestry of Rock and Roll, but none of those also offer him a pass for the shit he pulled on this day. Every interview I’ve read with him as far as I can remember paints him to be a prick of the highest order. That bitter curmudgeon, with little regard for anything outside of his sphere. After living in NYC for awhile I’ve encountered these types in an albeit less famous capacity, but as far as I can tell, they walk around with a sense of entitlement that may be afforded to them, but they seem to think it makes them exempt from everything.
I will refer to Lou Reed’s “appearance” as more of a tantrum as compared to an actual performance. He bitched and moaned about technical specs, stopped more songs than he started and didn’t seem to care about momentum. Even more in bad taste was that if he seemed like he was reading instead of actually  singing its because he was. Get a load of the lyric monitors:

 He also went over his time delaying Band of Horses from starting on time by almost a half an hour. Dude just stay home next time.
Now it was time for the big buildup for the final band of the festival. Fittingly the weekend should end with Lollapalooza’s founder and the headliner of its original year: Jane’s Addiction. One thing that does annoy me at these events that the last band always pulls some ego thing where suddenly everyone’s credentials are deemed worthless during their set and you have to have these sudden new ones only distributed by the band. How fucking velvet rope horseshit can you get? And yet I’ve seen ALOT of bands do it. This time Jane’s pulled that shit, but coming from them, it wasn’t like a big shocker. I could really care less anyway, they meant literally NOTHING to me in the 90’s and I saw them earlier this year at the Playboy Party in Austin in a small intimate setting. The only thing is that I was already backstage and it made it difficult to get through the traffic to go out into the field to find Chasity and some other friends. So I ended up watching by myself and really I was so tired at that point they could have been joined by The Police and I couldn’t have cared less. However the show did yield a special guest in the form of Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry (I guess just looking for something to do while Steven Tyler is recuperating) on Jane Says.

  I was also trying to reserve my energy to catch a second wind, because this may have been the festival’s last act but I was ending my weekend in Chicago with one more band. The unthinkable collaboration that had been rumored for months was finally going to be a reality. Under a shroud of mystery, who given the weight of the players was totally justified, the trio of Josh Homme, Dave Grohl and John Paul Jones, collectively known (as we learned just days before) as Them Crooked Vultures, were making an historic live debut at historic venue the Metro tonight.
The band had no album, no single, not so much as a snippet, with given the climate of today is nothing short of a miracle, making it truly a debut, as NO ONE had heard ANYTHING. But again given the people onstage, expectations were extremely high, and were met and exceeded. We didn’t even know what to call the band as we learned later with their “official” name was. When you entered that night, instead of a ticket you just received a wristband that had the date/venue name, and 3 symbols (a la Led Zeppelin IV) with the Foo Fighters logo, the Q from the Queens of the Stone Age logo, and naturally John Paul Jones’s symbol from Zeppelin’s untitled fourth album.

Monday Aug 10th

So to illustrate how awesome Chicago is, I was staying across the street from Millennium Park and since today was my last day in Chicago I wanted to check it out and it being so close why not. I really wanted to do some John Hughes stuff but the weather in the early part of the day didn’t really permit it.
So I grab some food and after eating I cross the street to check out the park when I stumble upon a FREE Shellac show about to start! Holy freaking awesome!
The park is gorgeous and it looks like a place where a symphony would get down as compared to a weird punk band, but it had that same feel of like Fugazi in D.C., when a band is just embedded in the DNA of a city like that.

Right as I sit down in the seats up front, another staple of Chicago sits down with his family right in front of me. I didn’t want to bother him but like a loser I had to try to sneak a photo.  Can you spot Jeff Tweedy in this pic?

My gosh who’s next Barack Obama? Al Capone? This was very Chicago. Shellac bring some uncomfortable and unsettling to the table. Like you know this isn’t gonna be the verse-chorus-verse/fake ending/3 song encore thing. This was gonna be unpredictable and vulnerable, and it totally was. The bassist would answer questions while the band tuned, to much hilarity. The drummer was running all over the place with his drums. Their was definitely an indie/political vibe but the performance certainly didn’t suffer.

UK Adventures: Return of Faith No More + Clutch & Anthrax rawk the HMS & more (July/2009)

I hadn’t been to London in almost 5 years, and this one my first time over there as a new business owner. I have friends there that I hadn’t seen in way too long, so the work kept mounting, and the pressing need to do some biz over there became too much and off went, to the allure of fresh fish and alot of great shows.

Faith No More – July 10th – Brixton Academy – London, England U.K.

Well I slept in pretty late as you can imagine, but then I got it together to make my way to Brixton for something I’ve been greatly anticipating, the Faith No More reunion. This was their first show anywhere in 11 years, and also the venue from their much beloved  Live at the Brixton Academy LP.  The show was incredible and I was totally in awe of getting to see these guys again. I haven’t felt compelled to let it all hang out like that in some time, but I went ballistic and was one of the wilder ones down front. Bonded with these three rad Polish girls, who kept looking over at me to see if I knew the words, and when I consistently did, apparently I had passed initiation. I can’t remember the last time I was this excited. Felt good. Afterwards, my new Polish crew invited me to have some post-show drinks with them. Took a bus to Liverpool St. in the constant rain, and then caught the overground back to Eric Clapton.
The show was unbelievable without any kind of partisan. There was just something in the air, and the crowd was so appreciative and grateful that I (along with the band was taken aback) this went very very well.

Setlist –

Reunited (Peaches & Herb cover)
The Real Thing
From Out of Nowhere
Land of Sunshine
Caffeine
Evidence
Chinese Arithmetic
Surprise! You’re Dead!
Easy (Commodores cover)
Last Cup of Sorrow
Midlife Crisis
Cuckoo for Caca
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies
RV
King for a Day
Malpractice/Jizzlobber
Be Aggressive
Epic
Mark Bowen

Encore:

Stripsearch (Chariots of Fire Intro)
Just a Man

Encore 2:

I Started a Joke (Bee Gees cover)
Pristina

I had wished I had remembered to take a pic of the marquee at Brixton, as I logged into Blabbermouth the next day that problem was solved and I was even in the pic. How embarassing?

 

Metal Hammer Cruise w/ Clutch & Anthrax – July 15 – River Thames – London, England U.K.

This day will go do in history as one of the best musical days of my entire life. Had meetings all morning with Rough Trade, but then I made my way to the pier for the Metal Hammer Cruise with Clutch and Anthrax. I arrived and barely made it on the boat in time before it sailed. To gain access to the boat, everyone was given samurai headbands and you’ve not lived until you’ve seen 300 metalheads banging their heads while looking like Daniel Laruso. This was incredible. floating down the River Thames on a boat seeing my old friends do their thing, and I hadn’t seen an Anthrax show in over 10 years so that was fun too.

 

After a three hour tour (see what I did there?) it docks at the 02 Arena for that night’s Metal Hammer Golden Gods Awards. It was cool see this already famed arena from the outside, where Prince did his 21 night run, Led Zeppelin had their reunion and to see all of the hoopla for the upcoming unthinkable 50 date run from Michael Jackson (R.I.P. MJ WE LOVE YOU)
I had an invitation and would normally have attended but I had bigger fish to fry.

( Tues July 15th

Still in utter disbelief over the events of the previous day, I set out to continue the adventure. I had meeting in Knightsbridge in the morning and then I made my way to the University of London Union, where I met with the professors of their Music Business Program. Given the current state of the Music Industry, the old model as we now understand is obsolete and the students of these Universities who have been studying the old model for the last several years need to be re-educated via crash course. I’ve spent the last year and a half speaking at Universities and at Music Conferences around the world speaking on a variety of specific topics as well as the Music Industry as a whole. ((for more info and how you can book Roy Turner for a speaking engagement you can click here)
Unexpectedly they gave me a full tour of the campus, treated me to a generous lunch , and even introduced me to a Summer session in progress and I spoke to the class unscheduled (and unprepared) briefly, as I will be back in London in the Fall to speak formally and conduct a few workshops there and other Universities all over Europe.
Now, back to the Rock N Roll, also at their invitation, Anthrax was playing on campus that evening. This was one of their first shows featuring their new singer and he totally sucked (UPDATE: APPARENTLY THEY THOUGHT SO TOO, AND HE HAS SINCE BEEN Fired

 

 

 

 

 I had a few hours to kill before the show started, and I had promised my new Irish friend that we would get together at some point and I was within walking distance of her place of employment. So I go over and pick her up, and she is a delight.  I always the class act, take her to a sweaty metal show at a college campus with cheap beer and even cheaper Chinese food afterwards. Ran into this guy who had the entire Faith No More King for a Day, Fool for a Lifetime cover tattooed into an entire sleeve. Although not perhaps her first choice of musical fare, Irish girl is a total trooper, and was totally down and we had a great time.

Setlist –

Indians
Got the Time (Joe Jackson cover)
Madhouse
Antisocial (Trust cover)
Fight ‘Em ‘Til You Can’t
Caught in a Mosh
Safe Home
Room for One More
Only
What Doesn’t Die
I Am the Law
Whole Lotta Rosie (AC/DC cover)
Earth On Hell

After we ate she gave me a nice tour around Soho London before we called it a night. It takes forever to get anywhere in this town and the cabs are just too outrageous and the subway stops running at 11pm and only has routes in less than 10% of the city, so its another hour + bus ride back to Eric Clapton.

So tonight it was back to the rock n roll, as I made my way to Queen Elizabeth’s Hall to see a rare Mike Patton performance as part of the Meltdown Festival. On a night off from the Faith No More reunion (see above) the alway prolific Patton decided to spend his doing a one-off with Fred Frith. the show was really bizarre as expected; and a real treat. The were almost upstaged when they were joined by the U.K Beatboxing Champ, Shlomo After the show, I started chatting with some Italianl that had come over 2 hours by train just for this show (for the uniniatiated, Patton fans tend to be obsessive) and they were showing me the pics they took, that later they were kind enough to email to me (thanks Liu).

 

It was a great night and again I was facing the River Thames. I went inside to see the Patti Smith film Dream of Life, which was really interesting. I’ve never been an obsessive over her, and the film was as abstract and uncomfortable as she comes off sometimes. These old punks from waaaay back chatted me up after the movie and invited me to go have some tea across the bridge. After two glasses and a nice conversation discussing the film, at an outdoor cafe I headed to the bus stop. What I thought would be a routine ride back to the Clapton actually turned violent and could have been alot worse.
I tend to have more than my fair share of inherent male bullshit, where I think I’m exempt from most things. Pickpocketing and flat out mugging seem to be at the top of my male Darwinian mind. I had been warned about the violence in London, especially in the neighborhood where I was currently presiding. However in NYC I just put in my Ipod and let shuffle shield me from harm or direct eye contact. I was on the top level of a double-decker bus rocking the fuck out, when I looked to my right and saw a young vargrant mocking my enthusiasm. Innocently I took my earphones out and embarrasingly asked if he could hear it. Right then, a much older, much scarier vagrant pops up from the seat behind me. I realize I am on the only one up here besides my now potential assailants. He answers for the other by threateningly saying in thick cockney accent (right into my )ear ” If we could fooking hear it, I would tell you to turn it off because it sounds like doo doo” Its then I realize their’s a third stick-up kid who is now blocking my path to exit/safety. I stood up and right then, scary guy behind me grabs the cord to my earphones that thankfullly were under my shirt. I instictively pulled away, and just bamboozled the kid in my way by pushing him as hard as I could, as I ran down the stairs like a little bitch. If you know me, you know that I’m a skinny bitch, with a big mouth, who does dumb shit like this often as I prob should have just handed it over and saved the risk, but I just got the new Atmosphere album uploaded and wasn’t ready to part with it 🙂 I run toward the busdriver and cool it as the bus rolls to a stop. The Boondock Saints upstairs come running down and out the bus to catch me, not realizing I’m still on the bus as we roll away. They yell to stop the bus as I yell even louder not to and off we go. One problem, THAT WAS MY STOP. So I had to get off at the next one, double back and hope I didn’t run into them. Thankfully I didn’t and I and my Ipod lived to rock another day.

Thanks London, Ill be back soon.

Photos –

Roy Turner

Rocklahoma 2009

Our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.

Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Anthrax, Night Ranger, Warrant & more – July 9-10th -Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK

Dubbed Rocklahoma (think the Coachella of 80’s Hair Metal) its a gathering of the notion that these bands whom may inspire a small twinge of nostalgia individually, that collectively could get you to travel to the middle of nowhere outside Tulsa in stifling heat to party like its 1984.The idea of attending sounded fun, but what would happen once we got there? It sounded like taking a joke just a bit too far by actually going so that’s why I hadn’t attended in years past (other than the obvious) but I do like to rawk, and I do have a special place in my closet for that genre. The tipping point, was to call my friend Chaz. He fronts the Dallas area 80’s Hair Metal cover band Red Leather. Now for the uninitiated, you may be saying to yourself, “Well their’s one of those in every town” and I would normally agree with you, but let me assure you, that’s not the case here, these guys are so the shit and so much fun. So I call Chaz and of course their going, so its really all about who your company is right? So, I said fuck it and hopped into a van with my cover band rocker friends for three days in the sun. How bad could it be? Let’s go:

Day 1

Now, I’ve been to most of the American multi-day festivals including the ones that offer (or sometimes require) camping and this one you really got to camp, and I’ve never done so at one of these and would be hard pressed to conjure a memory of ever camping. You would think, that anyone patronizing the devil’s bargain such as this, would be unprepared slobs, “Only fluids the doctor said” and that we would be sleeping on Kiss posters, and living off of bongwater. Much to my surprise these guys, had their shit doooownn. I’m not kidding, we were the envy of every camper within an earshot, as these others were roughing it. We had a camper WITH AIR CONDITIONING, a generator, a sink, electricity, and all the food and beer we could consume. We had another outdoor tent (dubbed the patio) and we opened the back doors of the van to reveal a HUGE big screen. We had our own fucking outdoor movie theater!

We had to take a golf cart ride to the other side to get our credentials. I had the promoter extend his invitation to include Camp Red Leather, which now meant we all had total access to the field, the seats and the air conditioned dining hall as well as drink and meal tickets, Woohoo!

So off we go to the main stage where as you can see the competition to crown this year’s Miss Rocklahoma is fast and fierce.

And I notice something peculiar, I know its the first day and all but I had heard that this was a HUGE event and there was only a handful of people there. You can tell all 25 of them were really into it however:

 

Desperately needing to cool off I headed to the press tent to catch the Anthrax Press Conference. Not certain but I think that this was one of if not the first American show with their new singer Dan Nelson. Oddly just a month prior I hadn’t seen Anthrax in over 10 years and caught them twice in as many days while I was in London, so I was already well versed in how much the new guy blows. I don’t have anything original to say that you probably haven’t already read because the only thing that satisfies is that he is pound for pound a Phil Anselmo clone to the point of embarrassment.

Anthrax

Independent of that, still, on this day they were not the fun guys in Vision Street Wear shorts. They were clearly embarrassed to be there, and held the press and everyone around them in contempt. As much as I adored this band through the years I have always felt a since of arrogant prick-ness from Scott Ian and Charlie Benante and today there was no validation. This was putting their status as one of the “big four” in danger. Would the other three be caught dead at this thing? (hey Megadeth did open up for Motley Crue a few years back WITH Anthrax)
Well now I wanted to hear some music. I rejoined the guys and the first band we actually saw was Saxon who kicked ass:

Saxon

 

And then before we knew it, it was time for Anthrax’s headline set. They really could have made this a 3 day event as their were only like 4 bands per stage with an hour between sets, but the longer you stay the more you spend is the logic. I had just received a double-dose of Anthrax with their new singer last month while in London, now it was the States turn.

Anthrax

The shows in London really weren’t that bad, however the mood I described earlier from the press tent had clearly been carried to the stage. Out of the 40K that was expected with an average of 10K each day their was less than a thousand people paying any real attention. I’m not sure that was the main problem but I’m sure it was a contribution.
New singer Dan Nelson irritated the crowd with his constant demand for applause and angering band mascot Scott Ian when he fouled up a segue for a sing-a-long to wish bassist Frank Bello a Happy Birthday. They did play a few new songs, Fight ‘Em till you can’t and Earth on Hell that were pretty brutal.

Setlist:

(UPDATE: Just a few days after this performance the band announced they were parting ways with Dan Nelson. Another singer and another weird chapter in this band’s history.)

After they finished that was the end of music for Day One, but right after they were having an outdoor showing of Anvil:The Story of Anvil  on the big screens.. Seems to be a weird theme lately as Anvil and Anthrax keeping crossing my path (and each other’s) across two continents. Scott Ian is in the documentary, they played together at the Metal Hammer awards after the boat ride and the next night when I saw Anthrax at ULU, Robb and Lipps were standing behind me, and now they are playing together today as well. All these chances to see Anvil and still the only time I’ve actually seem them perform was in promotion for the documentary they were doing something unique (sad/cool…you decide) by actually performing in the theaters after the screenings.

 You would not have to be a fan of Anvil or even this type of music (although repeated screenings of Spinal Tap will surely enhance your experience) to enjoy this film.

So after the movie we headed back to Camp Red Leather. Excited to be there as this was our first night, Chaz and I decided to go introduce ourselves to our new neighbors, far and wide. We came across this “band” that had attracted a small crowd of about 20 in front of their tent that included one of the “contestants” from the above mentioned Pageant. It was surreal to be in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma, standing next to this “runner-up” that by local standards had amassed some type of celebrity, watching the equivalent of your little brother’s “band” struggling just to get through “Back in Black” in near pitch black darkness. I had to wonder why they would haul all that equipment that they could barley play. Always the cheerleader, Chaz was making my sides split with his constant encouragement of gems such as “Alice in Chains, let’s go!” and “Pantera, cmon!”. A good first day.

Day 2

Odd to wake up in the middle of this campground in nowhere Oklahoma. While our neighbors would complain of sunburn and the irritation of being awoken by heat, I was so cold from our air conditioner that the survivor in me sleepwalked and turned it off in the middle of the night. Much to the chagrin of my fellow campers, as they didn’t share my frigidity, and I felt bad that they had sought hard and long for the gas to power it, just for me to turn it off. As a testament to their coolness and our all around good vibe, it was laughed off just like anything else.
Time now for our ritual of getting wrist banded and getting our meal tickets etc. (umm take a hint from the other promoters and have wristbands that you can scan next year please) .
We opted out of Danger Danger to take advantage of having access to free food and drinks and get out of the heat for a bit. Imagine the lunch room in High School with all the stoners and goth and metal chicks 10-15 years later. When I returned Camp Red Leather were chatting up these two women from Bermuda. One even had the native British accent. They were so fun that we invited them to come check out the next band with us.

Warrant.

Of course we all know “Cherry Pie”  & they had a new singer who was fun and could sing his ass off, and were quite good.

Night Ranger.

You either have two (or both) distinctive associations with their hit “Sister Christian”, that’s forever associated with an odd fad of 80’s rock: Singing Drummers.. One is being a little kid watching the video in constant rotation on MTV and now marvel at how that level of sap once seemed “deep” to you, or the brilliant cataclysm the song scores from a climactic scene from Boogie Nights.

They blew us away and in hindsight were the best band I saw all weekend. Most of the bands, bless em’, were idealistic in their approach and their performances seemed about 25% over their actual abilities, and it had that stink. Night Ranger were the real deal man and yes, the drummer did dramatically come out and do the ballad. Brad Gillis looked like he’s been at the gym since the band’s heyday. Dude was ripped.

Now the anticipation was starting to mount for this evening’s headliners:

Ratt

Tonight Ratt is set to perform arguably their most popular album “Out of the Cellar”, which features their undisputed biggest hit “Round and Round”.
Now I have taken the trip down memory lane with this band a few times at several short lived reunion attempts and it suddenly occurred to me how long it had been since I heard anything off of that record that wasn’t a single, and I was loving it. I can remember in the 3rd grade getting this on cassette and playing it frontwards and backwards for months until I wore it out. Hearing songs like “In Your Direction”, “She Wants Money”, and “Your in Trouble”  was a gas, and became a bit of a guessing game to see if I could remember what came next on the album.

Setlist:

Now for the bad, lead singer Steven Pearcy will never be able to escape the very pompous and unlikeable image that he has, because its so freaking accurate. Some people (like me) think David Lee Roth is a god, others think he’s a buffoon. This guy straight across the board is such a turn off that even the diehards would have to admit that they wouldn’t loan this guy money. We were in the front row rawking regardless:

Enter Part II of our travails in search of a bygone era in the woods of Oklahoma.Rocklahoma 2009 w/ Jackyl, Kix, Faster Pussycat & more – July 11th – Fairgrounds – Pryor, OK

How this was allowed to take place in the middle of July with heat advisories in the upper tier is reflective of not only legislation in Oklahoma but it’s general common sense. And here we were here too, but cocooned in AC isolation.
No matter how spoiled we were we started to get cabin fever and decided to head out into the lonesome crowded west to see what was going on and see some bands. We decided on the mainstage to check out Keel. Now (again) the only thing I remember about this band was right before I discovered Master of Puppets they had a song called The Right To Rock that I would jam out to, only because it wouldn’t have occurred to me at that age how silly it was, and I was in that exploration phase where anything I hadn’t heard of, or even better if my friends hadn’t heard of it, then it had to be cool. Oh how I would do anything to be so innocent again, to believe that were was some actual opposing force trying to prevent me from rocking and how indebted I felt to these guys for informing me that it was my actual right. Who knew?
The band is fronted by Ron Keel who’s band carries his namesake. What we discovered was, in a sea of clearly out of touch and delusional people, the MOST diabolical turn-off I have ever witnessed since Sammy Hagar. Imagine if that 50ish rocker guy with the gross tan and exposed chest hair and gold chains, hitting on your mom at the State Fair, donned one of those awful headset mics (NO ONE HAS EVER MADE THE HEADSET MIC LOOK BADASS) and roamed the stage with an uncanny likeness to a Billy Ray Cyrus/Tony Robbins hybrid. Just powerfully lame, and totally clueless. The end mercifully came predictably with the hit of Right To Rock for which his daughter came out and sang with him.

Keel

Now it was time to head back to main stage, where we reunited with the Bermuda Triangle who were so much fun and such a blast to hang with, as well all grabbed a spot to see Kix. Their singer easily eclipsed me as the skinniest dude there, but as it looks good on a young dude like me, it looks meth-y on an old dude in leather chaps. The singer had us in stitches as his priceless between-song banter had the squeal of Paul Stanley met with the innuendo of AC/DC, and he ended every passage with “…meet me in the parking lot in 10 minutes…” now I don’t know if this dude wanted to fuck or fight or was just simply acknowledging his band’s lack of fame being responsible for them being able to secure proper lodging. But like the tenacious clothing company above, this guy knew his audience and want they wanted, so out come two rocker chicks:

Kix

Now as the sun was setting, so was my stomach as the Bermuda Triangle was getting me juiced up which was practically a prerequisite for the next band Jackyl. Although they were no strangers to this festival or playing to the lowest common denominator, sadly their a last minute (an albeit logical) choice to replace Thin Lizzy, who although Phil Lynott is no longer with us, I still really wanted to see.
I barely have the words to describe the maelstrom of white trash ornery that swathed a debauches trail through the crowd, me and for the most part, the entire weekend. I truly believe he even shocked himself and those around him that probably have to deal with him nightly on tour. It was at times, funny, embarrassing, cringe inducing, exhausting, but I have to hand it them, it was never boring. And also it was barely musical. I don’t remember if they actually played any songs, and that’s the whole deal, is that people will not historically remember the music of Jackyl, but the antics their singer Jessie James Dupress exhibited will not be soon forgotten.

Jackyl

As well as a new catch-phrase that I can’t wait to use. During one of Mr. Dupree’s many drunken tirades, a common theme was he wanted someone, anyone to venture into the nearby campgrounds to “fetch me a joint”  and in his description of the barren wasteland where I’d laid my head for the last two nights, he said “you know…out there by the Port-A-Shitters”.  I literally screamed. When he wasn’t making bizarre requests, he was slowly coming undressed from his red Lil Abner onesy in between taking the beer from the concession merchants that had drifted to close to the stage as the tub on their heads was at the perfect height for Mr. Dupree to strike.
Shuffling loose, a badge from the otherwise really uptight Sheriff that was on-site, he next set his target on the Officer’s gun, but that’s about as far as this humorless member of Pryor, OK’s finest was going to pardon. I think it says it all when at one point, Dupree was riding on a skateboard (?) while chugging a bottle of Crown Royal, while wielding a chainsaw in the other hand. His onslaught lasted over 2 hours (to which I learned later was him throwing a public tantrum for not getting to go on last and was basically trying to shit on Stryper.

Now who’s ready to go to Church??!! I think we all felt in need of saving after that.
I kinda always wanted to see Stryper but it was odd to experience it for the first time right after a white trash ho-down

Stryper

So when the bibles starting being thrown out it got a little hairy, as this dude in front of me was just looking for someone to connect with and was kinda freaking me out. After securing some corn dogs safely away from the surreal mixture of bible catchers and party pukers, we headed to the one of the tents as Stryper was the last band on the main stage for the day, and I wanted to check out Faster Pussycat.
Apparently so did everyone else, or they were just as bugged out by the freak show at the main stage, cause the entire festival was in this tent! They were pretty awesome, and the vibe was just right. Bathroom Wall caused the tent to almost implode. Totally rawking!

Faster Pussycat

So with the music done for the day we headed back to camp & passed a little General Store. Suddenly this DRUNKEN girl in her early 20’s starts walking toward us and the only thing she is barely wearing was the bottom to her bathing suit. She kinda looked like a heavier version of Ferris Bueller’s sister (aka Baby from Dirty Dancing…R.I.P. Patrick Swayze). At first glance she appeared alone and wayward, but I quickly gathered she had just lagged behind from her group that was about 40 yards ahead, clearly wanting to lose their extra load. When she reached them, she celebrated this by removing the rest of her bathing suit to reveal an ass so white and unshapely, we could have had an encore screening of the Anvil movie on it.

Later I ventured over the VIP Campground (hey I thought we were VIPS?) and they had an official setup where some contest winning band was still keeping it going and had a decent crowd. Can’t remember their name cause their just finishing up when I arrived. A girl from San Francisco walks past me & said she thought I was her boyfriend and she claimed similarities. She was dressed like a softer dominatrix (whatever that means) and was talking uncomfortably close to my mouth, when her boyfriend, who was sober and apparently knew to keep his eye on her comes over (P.S. we look NOTHING alike) and he’s trying to be friendly but he smells the score. I try to get out of there but she’s doing that thing where when you shake someone’s hand and they don’t let go thing. I finally broke free and headed back to camp, to lie down and take in all I had seen and heard this weekend and get ready for the drive back to Texas in the morning.

Epilogue:

So we get up the next day and bug out like a M.A.S.H. unit as efficiently as we came in. Never say these boys were not Boy Scouts. I was thoroughly impressed. As we were making our way out of town I was reminded of scene from Big Daddy where Adam Sandler realizes that he’s awake before McDonald’s has stopped serving breakfast, and must take advantage. So we make the requisite stop, and just like in the movie, with only a few mins to spare. So close in fact that all four of us are not guaranteed to place the proper order before the breakfast to lunch changeover. Chaz is first but opts for lunch as they were out of want he wanted for breakfast (get in back of the line Chaz, time is of the essence here) I’m second and like the naturalized New Yorker I’ve become, I championed my way to my breakfast of choice. Our other two traveling companions were not so lucky (i.e. chumps).  As Chaz and I are waiting for our orders to be filled we are seated pretty close to our increasingly exasperated order-taker Ashley (we were now on a first name basis and seems to be the case when traveling with Chaz). When suddenly Ashley’s manager delivered this gem: Apparently its the golden arches’ policy to have their workers randomly sanitize their hands while working. What sets this epidemic of handwashing aloft is that the manager will unexpectedly shout “Stop…sanitize”. Now this would normally not be of interest, yet however, in total synchrony Chaz and I, without discussing it, couldn’t help but notice how closely her delivery sounded alot like MC Hammer’s You Can’t Touch This. So without missing a beat, we both look at each other and declare to the entire restaurant to “STOP!…SANITIZE!” for which they recognize as said 80’s classic and respond with uproarious laughter! Chaz + Roy = Street Theater. In spite of it all I would have to say that I would totally make this trip again and plan to do so next year. Good times.

__________________________________________________________________________________________Photo Credits – 

Roy Turner