#LosAngeles

The Big Four of Thrash Metal finally comes to the States! (West Coast) (Apr/2011)

Since we got here, we hit the ground running, first with the Revolver Golden God Awards, then two nights of Prince and then now today we are taking a ride out in the desert to one of the country’s premiere outdoor venues to witness the culmination of a 30 year dream of all four bands of Thrash Metal, the only genre I can claim as my own – Metallica, Slayer, Megadeth and Anthrax, playing together for the first time ever in the United States.

The Big Four of Thrash Metal – Empire Polo Fields – April 23rd – Indio, CA

It was strange to be taking that long drive out to the Coachella Valley like I had done 9 of the last 10 years in April, without the vibe/buildup of the Coachella Festival experience (that this year’s edition was just held the previous weekend) and that we were about to have a completely different experience and memory of this now almost sacred ground and witness something for my money to be even more special.
For one day, the site of the most prestigious music festival in North America became the center of the metal world as the Big 4 Festival materialized for its one and only time in the United States after successful Big 4 gigs in Europe last Summer.

 

After the rigors of parking and getting our credentials and clearing security we were finally on the grounds and ready to take this in.
Erin had never been out here before so it was great to show a first-timer.
The outdoor setting, an oasis in the desert that had drawn an entire community of men and women who bonded over nothing other than a shared love of the very canon of heavy music was home that night to something special.

An aspect I am most appreciative to Goldenvoice about is the lack of over-saturation of sponsors or flagrant “branding.” The aforementioned Playstation area and some of the other corporate residency was never distracting or annoying. Avoiding commercialization when featuring four of the most popular bands in the world is silly, but like I said before the value of the event and the sincerity of the history of this one-time gig never felt compromised. The music and the legendary bands that were the centerpiece of the day were never marginalized.

We make our way backstage to get settled, Trickykid was one of the sponsors for one of the tuning suites backstage and this time the Curse of just missing Taylor – was nowhere to be found, as one of the first things we see is Taylor Momsen walking around back there in a Metallica shirt and no pants, and it appeared maybe not much else:

 

There is no one in the freaking world right now as sexy as her – Ok so now down to business:

Anthrax –

The order of bands followed its way up the poster – and make no mistake about it, as if you didn’t already know, this wasn’t a festival of equality, this was from beginning to end a Metallica production with three opening acts, but having said that, the sets never felt abbreviated.
Anthrax kicked things off pretty early at 4 p.m. with Caught in a Mosh and I almost immediately got emotional. This is the only truly American musical art form since jazz and the only one I claim as my own since I’ve lived it since its beginning. If you had told me and my buddy Steve when we were 14 and my sister was dropping us off to see Exodus and Anthrax, that 20 years later you would be out in the California desert with all 4 bands and at a working capacity and being literally onstage with these guys, our heads would have caved in.
This and the longevity of it all swelled as pride within me and I was beaming.
Equally proud of Anthrax who have just totally got their shit together this year. After being in pieces for so many years they have returned so large and unthinkably strong with vocalist and the person you want singing for Anthrax, Joey Belladonna and perhaps their best record ever, Worship Music. I’m not sure if its just Belladonna’s return, who sounds better than now he has in the band’s 30 year history and the dude hasn’t aged a day – He looks exactly the same! or it gave the band the kick in the ass it needed or just the need to want to do their best in front of their peers, and also the only band on the bill not from California so they came to represent andt this is a band totally reinvigorated and literally back from the dead.

.

 

 

 

In contrast with other outdoor festivals, the Big 4′s powerhouse lineup meant that the crowd did not have to work its way into showing enthusiasm and letting the music take hold. While the crowd grew larger as the day progressed the right atmosphere was always present – I just really can’t say it any better than that – and especially for Anthrax, this was easily the biggest show the band has ever played in America.Setlist:

Caught in a Mosh
Got the Time (Joe Jackson cover)
Madhouse
Among the Living
Antisocial (Trust cover)
Indians
Fight ‘Em Till You Can’t
A.I.R.
Metal Thrashing Mad
I Am the Law

Megadeth

The crowd officially enthused; Megadeth continued the day’s music -Their slot time seemed to make sense too as if they went on right before Metallica it could have potentially agonized things and secondly no one wants to see Slayer in the daylight – so this was a perfect fit.
The sincerity of the performers was not lost in appreciation of the reception from the fans, and as Dave Mustaine and Megadeth took stage in the late afternoon it was clear that the unique experience that was promised at the beginning of the year had truly taken shape.
I won’t bore you with what you probably already know about Mustaine’s history with Metallica and the 30 years of acrimony (largely coming from Mustaine) that somehow until recently still existed. Megadeth playing with Metallica? – This would have been unthinkable even just two years ago. And one could argue that the two camps made nice in the interests of posterity and prosperity but we were privy to a pre-show photo session and experienced the vibe first hand with some photos you will see later in this post and it just seems that for whatever reason, all of that is over. It was like seeing Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels shaking hands in the ring.

And they came to play too and played well. Their was something very expectant of their performance from the crowd and something even more sinister about their delivery.

 

 

Erin made it clear that she didn’t really like them – she enjoyed Anthrax who she was somewhat familiar with and she equates with Hip-Hop which she likes.

Setlist:

Trust
In My Darkest Hour
Hangar 18
Wake Up Dead
Poison Was the Cure
She-Wolf
Sweating Bullets
Head Crusher
A Tout Le Monde
Symphony of Destruction
Peace Sells
Holy Wars… The Punishment Due

Slayer

The sun began to set for Slayer and shit was getting real. Their is just something imposing about a Slayer crowd who are undeterred and ready to strike and very, very vocal. So it felt like the sun was setting on all of us haha.
Another point of praise is that the downtime between sets never deviated significantly from the posted schedule and kept the crowd very happy. As with most metal shows there can be some rough patches in the crowd, but from my perspective security did not seem to intervene to the point where it detracted from the enjoyment of the show, and they are to be commended on helping keep people safe but not turning the mosh pit into a police state (something that can happen all to often).

Slayer didn’t come without their own dramas as a big question mark was if guitarist Jeff Hanneman was gonna be able to perform. He had to take a temporary leave of absence due to contracting a rare flesh-eating disease, necrotizing fasciitis. How tragic would it be for the fans after waiting all these years to get these four bands together and here it was finally happening only to be served a Hanneman-less Slayer? Not to mention how tragic for him to miss playing the biggest show of the band’s career in America and personally this was a bit of hometown show for them as Los Angeles is only a few hours away. I wish Jeff a speedy recovery, but I think even he would have to agree that that’s about the coolest-sounding disease a Slayer guitarist could possibly contract. believed to have been caused by a spider bite.

(Editor’s Note: More tragedy struck the band as almost one year later of this show – Armand “Butts” Crump who was Kerry King’s guitar tech, beloved member of the whole Metal community and all around badass, whom also allowed me to take the above life-changing photo, passed away, way too soon. I only met Butts the first time at this show and only a few more times after this, but he was teasing me about everything in the first two seconds in a rapport that would carry over to when they took this to the East Coast and until the last time I saw him at a Slayer show in Austin later in the year. So long pal.)

Ok so the faint sound of the clank of Kerry King’s signature chain adornment that signaled their arrival. The question of Hanneman was immediately answered as we saw Gary Holt from Exodus coming out in his place. Their wasn’t some loud groan because I think most expected it and take nothing away from Holt who is a total badass in his own right, but for the sake of solidarity and this special evening, we wanted Hanneman to play and I felt bad for him.
The band ripped into a fairly new song, World Painted Blood but went onto classics like War Ensemble and Silent Scream.

 

 

 

And what’s this? After a brutal set that just tore a fucking hole in the desert, out for the encore comes Jeff Hanneman and the one-two combo of South of Heaven and Angel of Death. The crowd (and myself) went positively batshit

 

Their was this young dude who had come all the way from Argentina next to us that was almost as entertaining as the band and who could barely speak English. When Jeff walked out this kid starts losing it and in half cry-speak in broken English starts shouting “Hanneman, its Hanneman!!!” and looking over at us to make sure we notice as we had a brief conversation about the debatable issue if he would appear. For whatever reason this is the single main thing that I remember from the day and the emotion in his voice has stayed with me.
A strong finish that had the crowd primed for the main event.

Setlist:

Word Painted Blood
Hate Worldwide
War Ensemble
Postmortem
Raining Blood
Dead Skin Mask
Silent Scream
America
Circle of Beliefs
Seasons in the Abyss
Snuff

Encore:

South of Heaven (w/ Jeff Hanneman)
Angel of Death (w/ Jeff Hanneman)

Metallica 

Now you had to have a different special pass to be on the stage’s wings during Metallica, once again if their was any doubt who was putting this thing on so we were a little bummed that after spending all day up here we had to resume down to the masses. However, as Metallica’s signature Ecstasy of Gold intro came on the screen and the thousands of people behind me all sang along with Morricone’s soundtrack it felt like nothing I had experienced prior, even as a Metallica veteran. I called my friend Ryan for whom Metallica is a religion and one of the only times I’ve seen them without him, just so he could hear it and share if only a brief moment of it with me.
For the previous four hours there was a progression toward those first few notes of Creeping Death and the arrival of America’s metal pride and joy.

They played a stupefying set of 18 songs which encompassed their entire career.Even playing Orion in a touching tribute to former bass player Cliff Burton. James spared no moment to show endearment toward the crowd.
I have to show some endearment/gratitude right now to Erin and I normally wouldn’t share something this personal but its just too good not to share.
Ok so I know that a big moment is coming up not to mention that I don’t want to miss one second of this show but I have to piss so bad my back teeth were floating, I mean as in like absolute agony. This was stupid, I couldn’t even enjoy the show any longer I had to go so bad plus it was freezing now in the desert night making matters worse. So a compromise of time and dignity was made (that was actually her idea) – I had been drinking all day and she’s from out in the country so certain scruples were over-looked as we proceeded with our mission. We were in a comfortable space where no one was within 10 feet of us from all sides and it was so dark that you couldn’t really make anything out till you were right on top of it. We used this to our advantage as she said “Just keep looking straight ahead” as she gave me her hoodie to dangle in front of me. She then while I’m holding the hoodie and looking straight ahead as I was told, frees my aching penis from my pants takes our empty beer cups with one hand and directs my penis into one of them with her other hand. She is literally pissing for me! – and here’s the fucking bonus round – I had to go so bad that I filled BOTH cups and she was able to take my penis out of the first cup and place it into the second cup without spilling a drop from the first cup! Totally trashy I know, but totally amazing nonetheless.

Ok so, as the show reached a climax, the stage finally went black to provide a moment long enough to absorb the power of live music and the shared connection. We all knew what was next and it came together as a massive jam session of all the day’s performers on the Diamond Head song Am I Evil?
In introducing the members of the other three bands immediately prior to the performance, James said, “Can you believe it? Thirty years, man I don’t know how many of you have been around that long, you know?! It doesn’t matter; you’re here right now to see the ‘Big Four,’ and we’re getting this prepared for a big jam, alright?
Before starting, James made me laugh outloud (as he often does) by sarcastically asking “Is everyone’s hair ok?”.

 

While there are far more pressing matters to an adult in the world today, for the 10 minutes I had an opportunity to see Kerry King, Scott Ian, Dave Mustaine and Kirk Hammett stand almost shoulder to shoulder and shred it felt as if everything else was collectively insignificant.
I’m gonna let James speak here now as this sums it up best – This is word for word of a recording I made from the show:

“We just wanna take the time to say ‘thank you’ to all of you metal fans out there who have supported all the bands — not only the ‘Big Four,’ but the big however many out there. There’s many, many other bands that have been around as long as us, and, unfortunately, broke up because of business or some other crap. There’s a lot of great bands out there and we’d like to celebrate all of them, and especially the ‘Big Four’, getting out here and jamming, and just saying ‘thank you’ to the world of metal fans for just giving us your support, giving us your heart and giving us your passion, man, ’cause that’s what it is for us.”

Metallica closed out the show after this with two songs from their first album Kill ‘Em All fittingly after just acknowledging their NWOBHM beginnings to complete the career retrospective. The historical show closed with more gratitude from Hetfield and a “see you next time” which opens up plenty of room for speculation.

Setlist:

Creeping Death
For Whom the Bell Tolls
Fuel
Ride the Lightning
Fade to Black
Cyanide
All Nightmare Long
Sad But True
Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
Orion
One
Master of Puppets
Blackened
Nothing Else Matters
Enter Sandman

Encore:

Am I Evil? (w/members of Slayer, Anthrax and Megadeth)
Hit the Lights
Seek and Destroy

Four legendary bands and a sea of their fans made the Empire Polo Fields a community that celebrated one of music’s most unique genres and its rich history. Not only am I extremely satisfied to have been part of the celebration, but also in that I feel it was done in a way that provided the best opportunity to enjoy to show and respected everyone in attendance.

(Editor’s Note: …and as we all now know, that they decided to do it one more time on the East Coast for a legendary day at Yankee Stadium that I’m also proud to say that I got to be a part of….stay tuned for the East Coast post of the Big Four)

Photos –

Roy Turner
David Andrako
Dave Bullock

The 3rd Annual Revolver Magazine Golden God Awards (Apr/2011)

.The 3rd Annual Revolver Magazine Golden God Awards –  Club Nokia Theater – Los Angeles – April 20th

Arrival –

So after some strategic parking we make our way to the sprawling downtown complex that was waaay more over the top than I had anticipated. I grew up in a small town in Texas, so for a city to have multiple arenas is one thing, but to have several on the same block was intense. I’ve been coming to Los Angeles for years but have never made it down to the Staples Center complex. I tried to attend MJ’s funeral a couple of years back so we were seeing all of this for the first time. The show was held over at the Club Nokia Theater and we walk over there and grab our tickets at Will Call. I turn around after not seeing it the first time, to see a full on Red Carpet (or in keeping with the Metal motif, black carpet in this instance) event going on behind us.

Again, I totally underestimated this event, as we see limo after limo pull up, crowds screaming, a full media blitz (the event will air on VH1) the works. In a sea of nothing but old dudes in black I see only three females, but if I could pick any three, these would be my choices: I see my girl Taylor Momsen with Jenna Haze (Holy Shit!) and then turn to see Sasha Grey (Holy Fucking Shit!) who is actually interviewing William Shatner – we are off to a fine start:

 

 

The Show – It starts with another entry into:

Interactions with Dave Grohl in 2011 #3

Dave Grohl starts the night coming out and hitting play on a jukebox, which for some reason played Justin Bieber. And then walked off, and that was his entire contribution to the show. Was hoping he was gonna stick around and rock.

Then the perfect host for the show,  Chris Jericho proceeds to come out and crush the boombox with a baseball bat. Primarily known as a WWE wrestler (and a recent ill-advised stint on Dancing with the Stars) Jericho is known as a devoted fan of all things Metal and he’s great on the mic.

So after he bashes the boombox, does a brief (but awesome) monologue introducing the show before his cover band, Fozzy opens the show with a metal medley (which will air on Vh1)

Setlist:

 Children of the Grave/Black Sabbath
Stand Up and Shout/Dio
Wrathchild/Iron Maiden
No More Tears/Ozzy
For Whom the Bell Tolls/Metallica
Freewheel Burning/Judas Priest
Primal Concrete Sledge/Pantera
God Pounds His Nails/Fozzy
 
After another monologue, Jericho introduced Robb Flynn and Wayne Static to give away the Epiphone Best Guitarist Award:

– WINNERS: Synyster Gates and Zacky Vengeance (Avenged Sevenfold)

Nominees
– John 5 (Rob Zombie)
– Dan Donegan (Disturbed)
–Gus G (Ozzy Osbourne, Firewind)
– Janick Gers, Dave Murray, and Adrian Smith (Iron Maiden)
– Alexi Laiho (Children of Bodom)

To show what a freaking square I am, and how foreign the Hot Topic generation is to me, I had never even heard of Avenged Sevenfold, and they looked like Emo douchebags so I didn’t really care, but what was intriguing was the groundswell of support. Every freaking kid here was wearing an A7X shirt, and when the nominees list was named everyone gave each nominee a courtesy clap, but when A7X was announced, the place went batshit.

Next up, David Coverdale comes out to award the Comeback of the Year: – It was awesome to hear that guy say the words Faith No More, who of course I was rooting for, if for nothing to see them make an appearance which they surely wouldn’t have even if they had won and I’m quite sure they didn’t know/care they were even nominated.

– Winners: Murderdolls

Nominees
– Accept
– Faith No More
– A Perfect Circle
– Soundgarden
– System of a Down

Right after accepting their award, the band introduced the Alice Cooper Group. I have always wanted to see Alice Cooper live, and have never had the chance to. Now, much like KISS, the music of Alice Cooper will prob not be historically revered, but his live show is something of legend, not to mention, I’ve always thought he was real sharp and I have alot of respect for him so I was pleased to be finally seeing him live, even if it was in such a sterile environment. Obvious fan Rob Zombie joined him for the inevitable School’s Out:

Setlist:

Under My Wheels
Eighteen
Is It My Body
Schools Out (with Rob Zombie)

Rob Zombie presented Alice Cooper with The Golden God Award.

Next up, Mike Portnoy and Charlie Benante came out to present the Best Live Band award: – Though Avenged Sevenfold was a nominee, and again the fans shook the rafters when their name was mentioned, I think the only thing that prevented them from revolting at their loss was that presenter Mike Portnoy (Dream Theater) filled in on drums on their recent tour.

– Winners: Rammstein

Nominees
– Avenged Sevenfold
– Gwar
– Iron Maiden
– Megadeth
– Sevendust

This was followed by Jamey Jasta coming out to introduce Asking Alexandria who were the epitome of everything I hate right now with popular rock music. This was total mall shit – They were all really young dudes, so I give it up to them for doing their thing, that I’m sure they will grow out of eventually but for now, shitty name, shitty sound, and just all around generic and forgettable.
Early on in the set, the singer actually dropped his mic and if rolled under the drum riser. Dude dodged for it as fast as he could, it was hilarious. They did bring out Sebastian Bach for a rendition of Youth Gone Wild however suffering another embarrassing moment, was they kept missing the opening cue from Bach. When he introduces the song by going “We are the Youth (drum break) – Gone (another drum break) – Wild!! – (song starts) – the drummer wouldn’t respond with the drum break so he could continue the intro and Bach kept looking over at him, and it took like 4 tries to get it right. Luckily for them the show was not airing live.

Setlist: 

The Next Episode
Morte et Dabo
Youth Gone Wild (Skid Row cover w/ Sebastian Bach)

This was followed by a tribute to the fallen heroes of metal, which in turn brought out Wendy Dio and Geezer Butler. This was to be expected, but what followed was kinda confusing/unnecessary. Corey Taylor (Slipknot) just seems like this super likable dude that everyone shoots pool with and is just everywhere. So I guess to have him involved they found him something to do and that was to give The Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award to Motley Crue. So Wendy Dio and Geezer Butler came out to introduce someone else to give the award that bears her late husband’s name on it, to them?? – Why couldn’t/wouldn’t they have given it to the Crue themselves? – Taylor’s speech was really great and clearly inspired, I just thought it was unnecessary.

Another example of me underestimating this event was knowing that most of the Crue hate each other, I was thinking like only a single member would be here to accept and which one? Probably Vince since he’s such a famewhore, but as Corey Taylor was doing his speech, I could see all four members lining up behind us, getting ready to take the stage!

Mötley Crüe received the first Ronnie James Dio Lifetime Achievement Award – whose final public appearance was at last year’s ceremony. “It really means a lot to me because Ronnie was one of the biggest influences on my life since I was a kid,” said Crüe singer Vince Neil. “Heaven and Hell was with us last summer in Europe, and every single night I watched, going, ‘Where does that voice come from?'”

Vince Neil always seems to be isolated from the other members of Motley. Nikki, Tommy and Mick showed up together, all dressed in metal black, and looked like had just come from a speakeasy around the corner, where as Vince showed up alone and in a tux, looking a little out of place even for him as someone who is notorious for having zero self-awareness. Erin and I were making bets that the other three guys were pulling a practical joke and told him: “Dude, its an awards show, you gotta wear a tux, we are all wearing ours”. But ultimately we decided that he came to that decision all on his own.

Next up, Max Cavalera introduced Volbeat. We had missed them when we went to Austin to hook up with Clutch and Motorhead on my birthday, as they were the first band. I thought they were pretty cool, not really my thing, but I couldn’t help but stand up and notice when Scott Ian joined them for the last song, an odd cover of Dusty Springfield’s I Only Wanna Be With You. 

Setlist:

Fallen
Sad Man’s Tongue
I Only Wanna Be With You (Dusty Springfield cover w/ Scott Ian of Anthrax)

Then in another awesome moment Scott Ian was then joined by comedian Brian Posehn, who is known for his love of Metal to present the aforementioned Shatner with the Honorary Headbanger award. Ian had a funny line about the shortage of Canadian Metalheads, when Jericho (who is Canadian) does a lilting refrain, for which Ian simply retorts ” Dancing with the Stars…” 

This was followed by Brendon Small and Dino Cazares introducing Devildriver‘s set. They were awesome, and after doing one original launched into a four-song Black Flag set:

Setlist:

Dead To Rights

Black Flag set: – 

 Rise Above
Nervous Breakdown (with Mike Valley)
Thirsty & Miserable (with Jamey Jasta) 
Six Pack (with Max Cavalera)

Next up, Duff McKagan then presented Best New Band: Of course I was rooting for Taylor Momsen and her band The Pretty Reckless who have just blown me away this year-

but sadly they lost to some total cheesy Nu Metal band they won’t be around next year.

-Winner: Black Veil Brides

Nominees
– Asking Alexandria
– The Damned Things
– The Pretty Reckless
– Times of Grace
– We Are the Fallen

Right after, Mckagan stayed onstage as Dave Navarro came out and introduced Duff McKagan’s band Loaded: who played a quick but cool three song set, ending with a great version of Judas Priests’ Electric Eye where they were joined by Corey Taylor & Steve Jones.

Setlist: 

Executioner’s Song
Dead Skin
Electric Eye (Judas Priest cover w/ Corey Taylor & Steve Jones (Sex Pistols)

Next up, Vinnie Paul presented the Best Drummer Award: And again when Portnoy’s name was listed as the nominee and then eventually the winner, the place was going ape shit – it was almost like they were afraid to not give it to him by their reaction. It was like being at an Avenged Sevenfold concert, with little award interruptions thrown in:

– WINNER: Mike Portnoy

– Tommy Clufetos (Ozzy Osbourne)
– Abe Cunningham (Deftones)
– Joey Jordison (Rob Zombie)
– Roy Mayorga (Stone Sour)
– Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden)

I could see Sebastian Bach & Taylor Momsen lining up behind me to go on as the next presenters to give the award for Best Vocalist:
Didn’t wanna be creepy fanboy, but she was standing literally right next to me, so we chatted briefly while she was waiting for her cue.
Dude, she literally glowed, and looked ridiculously hot – like wildest rock and roll fanboy dreams are made of kinda hot –

They had a fun little rapport making the presentation for Best Male Vocalist –

Of course a member of A7X was nominated, and the singer no less, but was he really gonna win over that list? – Look at the competition – I was then convinced they were afraid to not give him the award for fear of 3k mall kids revolting:

-Winner: M. Shadows (Avenged Sevenfold)

Nominees
– Glenn Danzig (Danzig)
– Bruce Dickinson (Iron Maiden)
– Chino Moreno (Deftones)
– Ozzy Osbourne
– Corey Taylor (Stone Sour)

So now this made me think I was correct in not taking this event very seriously – I mean cmon on, it was like they were giving the awards to whoever showed up. I also learned that A7X are from here, so they also had that hometown support and the rest of the night just seemed like the Avenged Sevenfold show.

Jerry Cantrell and Mike Inez came out to award the Album of the Year: Guess who won this? If you guessed A7X, you would be correct.

– WINNER: Avenged Sevenfold, Nightmare

Nominees
– Black Label Society, Order of the Black
– Deftones, Diamond Eyes
– Ozzy Osbourne, Scream
– Stone Sour, Audio Secrecy
– Volbeat, Beyond Hell/Above Heaven

It should also be noted that every member of Iron Maiden, including all three guitarists were nominated for awards and didn’t take home any.
Then, in an another pointless appearance, but yet still awesome and cool, was right after A7X won the big award and went backstage to gear up for their show ending set, suddenly I see Lars Ulrich and Robert Trujillo (Metallica) –
It seemed their only purpose was to announce that A7X was about to come out and play a set – but I was still impressed that this event got these two heavyweights out here. Not to mention, I was thinking of my friend Ryan, who thinks of Metallica as more of a religion than a band, and how excited he would be for this moment.
Lars says: “In 2005, I heard a song on the radio called Bat Country that blew me away and I found out later that the band was Avenged Sevenfold” –
Then A7X took the stage and the place just fucking exploded –
They looked kinda douchy and the singer was still wearing Aviator shades indoors and kinda moved like Axl Rose if Axl was the manager of a Hot Topic at a mall somewhere in southern California. But I was totally getting off on the crowd and how super into it they were. I was really enjoying these two young dudes next to us, both about 15, and both clad in A7X t-shirts, just going for it. You could tell also that this band was their gateway to something, and being someone that has spent plenty of time making sure he is fully aware of the bands that the girls wanna fuck, I could relate and envied their excitement.
Clearly the Guns N Roses influence wasn’t too far off as on the third song here comes Duff Mckgan out to do It’s So Easy with them.
I thought this was a cool choice of song –
I finally leaned over to one of them and said, “Who ARE these guys?” – and he gave me a brief summary without missing a beat of rocking. Then one of my hometown heroes, Vinnie Paul (Pantera) came out to play drums on a track. This was winning me over, and I thought it was cool that the singer acknowledged how tired playing Walk has become, so he insisted on changing it up and they played Mouth For War and the crowd responded in kind. I did as well as seeing Vinnie play a Pantera song again was excellent. I leaned back over to the dude and said “I know THIS song” – and we exchanged high-fives as nerds are prone to do.
They also played the song Bat Country that Lars mentioned that was six years old and I’m just hearing it for the first time, but he was right, the song kicked ass and the guitarist played a solo that melted me and Erin’s faces off, so by the end of the set I was into it.
I seriously doubt I will ever be a member of the tribe, but it was fun to get such a crash course and live no less. I always say that the crowd is more interesting than the band, and this was a genuine, die-hard fanbase.Setlist:

– Nightmare
– Beast and the Harlot
– It’s So Easy (Guns N Roses cover w/ Duff Mcgakan)
– Bat Country
– Mouth For War (Pantera cover w/ Vinnie Paul)
– Almost Easy

Ok, so Jericho returns to say goodnight,signaling the end of the evening, and that closes the show. We stick around for just a bit, but keep in mind we had flown all day and basically came straight here, so we wanted to eat before hitting the after-party.

After-Party

I hadn’t heard of any official announcement of an after-party but with all of these people in town, we were certain their had to be a few happening somewhere regardless that it was a Wednesday night. I figured the Rainbow Bar & Grill would be the best place to go. They ironically had held the press conference there regarding the Awards show, just a few weeks back.
After grabbing a quick bite and dealing with the impossible mission that is parking on Sunset Blvd, we get out in front of the Whiskey-A-Go-Go,

But then we had some competition as we were approaching the Rainbow, out front Vince Neil was stealing the show. I didn’t even see it at first, she did and got my attention and pointed. I was so happy cause I’ve been to the Rainbow on nights where Lemmy is there and it looks MTV 1984, and other nights where their is more action at the Applebee’s around the corner, so on her first time here, I wanted it to be outrageous, and here is Vince Neil making a huge spectacle in front of a ridiculous car, with two blondes that looked like Super Heroes.

 

We make it inside and the place is rawking pretty hard but since it was close to 1am it was also starting to die down, as we realized that Vince was actually making his exit instead of his entrance. Regardless we had a good time sitting on the patio and me showing her the place and telling her stories till closing. Finally we headed back to the hotel, after a long day of traveling and rawking. Not bad for the first day eh? And we had actual weeks to go.

Photos –

Roy Turner
Justin Borucki
Mario Anzuoni
L. Paul Mann
Frazer Harrison

The Fabulous Destiny Of Ana Cortes

As they are about to get started, and I’m getting everything into place, I look up and standing in the back of the club under this bright light, is the Spanish Girl from the Faith No More show beaming at me.
I had emailed her as promised and told her about the show and gave her the info. I even told Pete about her and skeptically said “I doubt she will show up”.
So I take my Spanish fare and we find a seat up close as the show is starting.

Ana & I said goodbye to everyone as I was anxious to spend time with her, and we had one of those majestic New York nights where you just walk the streets and talk for hours and occasionaly stop and have a drink somewhere. It was so Before Sunrise but again I may have seen too many movies haha.
When laughed and talked well into the night, and when it was finally time to say goodnight, we both were dreading of losing the company of the other.
When I got off the train that night, I was totally dancing and singing all kinds of West Side Story style.

So this was something I was also excited about as I had been wanting to check out Jones Beach since I moved here in 2006, but heard it was a trek.
I had much to be excited about, as I was finally going to Jones Beach, and on the perfect day for it, and my new Spanish Ladyfare had excitedly accepted my invitation to join me. We also were going at the invitation of the band’s manager and their bassist P-Nut, who is a total Ween fanatic, so I invited Claude to come along.  A long way from seeing this band in packed sweaty clubs my Freshman year at College.
Now when they its a trek out to Jones Beach, heed this warning, because its not only a trek its freaking ridiculous. If I wasn’t all hunky dory road trip style with my beautiful European companion I would have been furious. First of all you have to catch the LIRR for about an hour with a possible transfer and then when you arrive you have to take a bus. When we arrived we were informed that the bus out to Nikon, was no longer in service and that you had to take a cab. Then the game begins, as all these fucking predatory cabbies who wanna haggle with you instead of just giving you a straight answer. And then wanting to charge per person etc.
We found two other stranded concert-goers who were riding solo amongst them and so we all packed in and shared the fare. Thankfully, they were of the fun, outgoing 311 fan, instead of the jam-band, nitrous inhaling, shirtless variety that seems to bridge their band and ours.
So round trip train tickets and cab fare was almost 100 dollars, so if you wanna go to a show there, remember thats its at least a hundred bucks on top of the ticket price. But again I was walking on air with this girl on the most beautiful day and was about to actually go on a stroll on the beach.
We go ahead and claim our tickets and passes, and then head for the beach.
 
Thankfully we were missing the opening act, as I could hear the gawd-awful wail of the Offspring as we got closer after beach time.
We get in and the venue is gorgeous, not exxactly Red Rocks, but one of those venues that is as about the place as it is about the show. I hadn’t seen 311 in a long time, so I was interested in seeing how they have evolved over time.
 
The show was decent, not the best sound in the world, which was probably the cause of an open-air venue, by the end of the show it was just the two of us. The band’s manager, was so gracious, he actually knew where our seats were, and came out to greet us, and even escorted us backstage after the show.
At first it was that usual scene that I don’t dig, a bunch of industry people, having that same talk, a few contest winners, radio, retail, etc, that most bands will skip altogether and who can blame them. Then their manager comes in thanks everyone for coming but takes me and her to the side and asks us to follow him.
He leads us way out on the other side of the venue where all the buses are parked and we have a fun time talking. He really wanted me to speak with P-Nut, so he goes to get him and introduces us. We talk at length, mostly about Ween, and this dude is a serious fan. I thought he was cool, very mellow and gracious. He had alot of questions that I did my best to answer. We thanked them for having us, and they were very sincere in thanking us for coming.
We begin the hike back to the city, totally high on the events of the day and all that we had experienced. Train rides, beach walks and dudes named P-Nut haha.
So high in fact that when we get back to Penn Station, we walk all the way up to 59th St. and take a daring late-night stroll thru Central Park, that would normally be totally ill-advised (and can get you arrested) but tonight, we were fearless. One of the best nights I can ever remember.

Ok so after a wonderful Christmas and one of the most eventful Holiday seasons, and overall one of the best years of my life, I was ready to say goodbye to 2010 in Los Angeles. I had business there and a bunch of other things going on but the real reason was to be reunited with Ana, the wonderful, and gorgeous young Spanish girl that I met in NYC
We fell so deeply in love – we talk everyday via Skype, I’ve never done the long-distance relationship thing before and I couldn’t wait to see her We finalized that we would meet on December 30th but the airlines had other plans. Here she was taking a 24 hr odyssey and landing in Philly before finally making to LA and all I had to do was fly from Dallas, and her plane lands on time the evening of the 30th as planned. When I got to DFW that afternoon, my flight had been canceled and United seriously told me that they wouldn’t be able to get me out till Jan 3rd!!
Not only would I miss NYE in LA but this poor girl, who barely speaks English, has never been to LA before and has no ability to drive, not to mention, where was she gonna stay?
She was already in LA and expecting my arrival within the hour. What the fuck was I going to do?
They declared that anyone holding a passport could be re-booked for a flight through Mexico City that wouldn’t arrive till 9pm on Dec 31st. By the time I got there and got anywhere it would be past midnight, not good, but I had to get there ASAP so I signed up for the flight, and grabbed a hotel voucher. Speaking of which I had no idea how I was gonna get ahold of her (her cell-phone didn’t work in the States back in July) and out of desperation I just called it and it actually worked thank goodness. I told her I was booking her a hotel at LAX and that I would be in tomorrow. I go to my hotel at DFW but not before paying a visit to my old friends at American Airlines.
Ran into an old Crew Chief I knew back in the day and he booked me on the first flight out in the morning Non-Stop to LAX.
Here we go:

So after finally landing in LAX, waiting forever for my bags and the shuttle to get to Ana’s hotel, I was pretty nervous when I knocked on her door. We hadn’t seen each other in over 5 months – knowing that she was on the other side of the door before I knocked & that in a few short seconds she would be in front of me was the most exciting feeling in the world, I’ve never even remotely been in love like this before.
She opens the door, beaming at me- it was a great moment and pretty dramatic given all that it took for this moment to happen. Let’s just say that we didn’t leave the hotel anytime soon.

We we finally did leave her hotel in the shuttle back to the airport to catch another shuttle out to the Rental Car dispatches. On the way back to the airport, their was a tense moment as the shuttle was full and being driven by this openly rude, thug of a woman who’s driving was very reckless and making everyone audibly nervous. Their was a thick silent moment, and all you could hear was the radio playing Diana Ross’ Upside Down, and we were in the seats closest to the driver and out of nervousness I just started singing the song and it made everyone (including the driver) laugh, who seemed impressed that this white boy knew the words.
We get the rental car and head out to Sam’s, and old friend, and my buddy in LA, who I stay with when I’m out West. It was after 1pm and the Spanish New Year was at 3pm our time, and she had told me of some (well known) Spanish traditions that I knew nothing of, and was fascinated by, and was determined to help her not only keep her traditions, but was excited to participate in them as well.
What that would require is getting to Studio City, after purchasing some champagne and grapes, greeting Sam’s roommates (Sam was still in Texas for the holidays as well and wouldn’t be there till Jan 4th) plugging in my laptop, and securing the password to get online and find the live feed for the Spanish New Year.
We do all of those things by 2:52 pm but it was a Saturday afternoon and Sam’s roommates were having a little Football watching party and everyone was pretty buzzed when we got there, so it was a little awkward to go:

“

Jan 5th
Went to the legendary buffet at Monte Carlo – let me tell you something, hunger will never be an issue after this meal. It was soooo cold, but we had a good time walking around. She doesn’t drink/smoke/cuss/ (which I super appreciate) and I tried to show her gambling, but she didn’t find any appeal in that (which I also kinda appreciate haha) so after walking around a bunch I thought to catch a show to get out of the cold. I’ve been to Vegas 40 times and have never caught a show. The only one that really interested us was the Beatles Love – Cirque Du Soleil so we went over to check it out to discover, that the only day they DON’T have shows is Wednesdays. But we still had fun checking out the setup etc.

Jan 6th
Drove back and caught up with Sam, and the odd thing is that neither one of us mentioned the nonsense on New Year’s Day and it proved also to not be an elephant in the room. He seemed glad to see me and was very welcoming, so for now I decided to dismiss it as temporary insanity haha

Jan 8th – Jan 9th – Recap:

 

So this was Ana’s last weekend before heading back to the motherland on Monday. I did my best to show her around and give her the experience, and for better or worse I feel like I succeeded. However ill-advised and half-baked my ideas sometimes tend to be. For example: It’s perfectly natural for a tourist to want to see the Hollywood sign, and maybe get as close to it as possible (that’s the baked part) – However EXECUTING that turned what I thought would be a few hours in the sun, into an 8 hour trial of one’s physical and mental endurance. I was convinced we had crossed over into the Twilight Zone, I mean I was wearing a leather jacket for christsakes, do I look like I was prepared to climb a freaking mountain? The only thing that kept us going was no longer the desire to get to the sign, but not so that our pain and suffering would be in vain.
I drive to Griffth Park and park the car, and I seriously thought, it would take about 30 mins up, walk around for another 30, back down, the whole thing in under two hours. We started up this thing and I don’t know where I went wrong but this thing just kept winding and winding and winding around and up to the point I thought I was on drugs. It was funny for the first hour or so and we were enjoying the day, but dread started to set in when we were exhausted and over 3 hours in and no sign of it being over anytime soon (pun intended). Fatigue and dread apparently makes me prone to chronic flatulence, and I’m only admitting to this because this punch-line is so great. This girl barely speaks, let alone complain, and in her disgust, suddenly her English was perfect, like somehow my air pollution transcended any language barrier. Somehow I was gross, universally haha – because she delivered the line that kept us laughing when she said “you fart….ALL DAAAAYY”
At one our desperation to get out of this situation cause us (namely me) to make bad decisions, one was this “short-cut” that would have been impossible with hi-tech repelling equipment, let alone with two dehydrated people who are impractically dressed. We followed this couple up and we almost made it, but as we neared the top it became impossible (and quite scary). The female of the couple actually starting crying and then Ana, had a scary slip, so I pulled the plug on it and we had to trek all the way back down in defeat and disgust. As we did so, her English became perfect again when she said clearly “I….HATE…YOU..” haha.
Finally like a castaway spotting an overhead plane, we made it to the top after almost 5 grueling hours.

Now we had the arduous task of getting the fuck back down, and I was determined to NOT repeat what we had just done. I looked for an alternate route and we head down on the opposite side where the residents were which was kinda cool. We even found a store and asked where we were and it was then that it became clear, just what a fuck-up I had made. We were MILES from the car….but at least here I could call a cab and I did just that. It only took about 15 mins for them to show while we desperately re-hydrated, but the cabbie (who was probably scamming us as all fucking cabbies do) seemed uncertain of where our car was, but then seemed on-point.
30 mins and 15 miles later we are nowhere near anything recognizable and I start to panic and then I make it CLEAR where we are parked. He turns around and goes back and when we finally find the car, it was like less than a mile from the store we called the fucker from! I asked how much, and he says “15 bucks and we will call it even” – I just handed him the money, but almost instantly wished I had said “I’m thinking 5 asshole”.

The next day:

We spend the early part of the afternoon doing some last minute things before I have to take her to the airport. We are both visibly upset about her leaving and I try to console her.  I stayed with her, walking her all the way into the airport and to the security point where I only ticketed passengers could continue. Their was a break in the line and we were instructed to go upstairs though a bunch of turns and twists and right there as we were saying goodbye, a moment of sheer John Hughes’ cinematic bliss shined down on us. Their was a speaker right above us that started pumping out Diana Ross’ Upside Down, just EXACTLY as this trip had begun. Incredible.

 

Jack White Rocks Conan & El Rey w/ Wanda Jackson (Jan/2011)

Wanda Jackson w/ The Third Man Records House Band (featuring Jack White) – El Rey Theater – Los Angeles, CA – January 23rd-24th

So its Sunday night, so I’m watching my favorite show – Californication – which is a little more fun when you are watching it in California – before heading down to one of my favorite venues,the El Rey Theater tonight for what promises to be a legendary evening.  To make it all the more real, after I claim my ticket at Will Call the first person I see when I walk in is Hank Moody‘s hot lawyer, Carla Gugino, (who was standing next to Kirstie Alley who was in a deep conversation with Beck and Marisa Ribisi) standing next to me at the bar – Did I somehow will her into existence?

Fearing it could be a Scientology pow-wow, I bolted quickly. It was surreal for certain, not to mention the reality of being here tonight to see one of my all-time idols, Jack White, performing with the legendary Wanda Jackson in such a great, intimate venue. Billed as Wanda Jackson and the Third Man Records House Band (featuring Jack White) they were only doing four of these special show – 2 on each coast (LA/NYC). My history with the El Rey Theater actually starts with Jack White, as over 11 years ago, on my first trip ever to Los Angeles, I came here to see the White Stripes literally incinerate the place. I bought a record at the show that I could probably make a down payment on a house with now. To add to the surreality, I met up with Hutch (soundman for Queen of the Stone Age) and Josh Homme. I’ve been with friendly with both since the days of Kyuss and have maintained that naturally through my work with Claude Coleman Jr. and Ween. It was great to see them both, and all this was happening before a note of music had been played.

El Rey’s red curtain opened to reveal the Third Man Records House Band dressed in pink and black swing-goth formal wear. The band teased Shakin’ All Over as Jack White rambled on stage with a swagger that is totally unmatched by anyone. This dude is a freaking pimp. The band was tight as hell and to call the bass player, Olvia Jean (the Black Belles), “hot”, would just be cheapening the whole experience. This girl had style/grace/chops that could kill.

A true raconteur, Jackson amused the crowd with tales from her past that were so charming it got as much of a response as the songs did. Before playing the classic lament Busted, she pointed out that she’d seen Elvis  play in Vegas, then fluttered a piece of paper: “If the King of Rock can have notes, so can the Queen.”
The crowd explodes at this and was red hot for the whole show.

Setlist:

Shakin All Over (just the band)
Riot in Cell Block # 9
Busted
Mean Mean Man
You Know I’m No Good (Amy Winehouse cover)
Like a Baby
Right or Wrong
Blue Yodel
Rip It Up
Nervous Breakdown (Eddie Cochran cover)
Fujiyama Mama
Funnel of Love
Dust on the Bible
Let’s Have a Party

Encore:

Heartbreak Hotel
Shakin All Over (reprise w/ vocals)

Conan O’ Brien Taping (musical guest: Wanda Jackson & Jack White) – Warner Bros. Lot 4 – Culver City, CA – January 25th

So the other night at the El Rey Theater for Wanda Jackson and Jack White, I meet up with some of the guys from Queens of the Stone Age, and they graciously gave me an extra ticket they had to the Conan O’ Brien taping where Wanda and Jack where set to perform.

Score right? – I wouldn’t say that I’m a dedicated Conan fan (though you couldn’t tell it by me catching 3 of the shows on his tour last summer) and my main motivation was to see Wanda and Jack again, but was very excited to see it in this setting. I’ve been to a few TV tapings before and I’m always fascinated by the process so I was really looking forward to this. I’m sure you have heard the whole story about his shakeup with Jay Leno, etc. and it showed just what a chord he strikes with young people as a groundswell of support rose up for him, so these tickets were impossible to get, so I was very grateful to the Queens guys.
I get to the lot and its a lot of standing around and waiting, and be filed like cattle in a series of different lines. Then you are walked into the studio exactly like how you were walked into the museum on Field Trip back in elementary school, (except holding hands was forbidden). So that was a little silly, but it was interesting to see the studio.

The other guests were Patton Oswalt, who I’m also a huge fan of, so this was like the ideal episode for me to attend (then again Motorhead was on the next night haha) and Steven Ho, a martial artist that trains people to do fight sequences in movies. He ran Conan through one of these exercises that was really entertaining and funny.

and then it was time for the musical guests and for me the main reason I’m there, of Wanda Jackson and the Third Man Band w/ Jack White. Having seen it the previous two nights at the El Rey, I knew what to expect but still no less thrilled.

Photos –

Lainna Fader
Jackie Canchola
Roy Turner
Meghan Sinclair

Kevin Smith & Friends Through The Years

Live Nude Smodcast w/ Kevin Smith & Scott Mosier – July 28th 2010 – Granada Theatre – Dallas, TX

 Ok so I get there right as the show starts with its familiar “Welcome to Smodcast I’m Kevin Smith” intro, and as I’m scrambling for a seat the first person I see is the character Ernie from the Rock N America story. Ironically the only empty seat was next to him and so I greeted him and sat down.
Kevin Smith is most widely known for the Jay and Silent Bob characters he created. They’ve appeared in comic books and in several of his films (Clerks, MallRats, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Clerks II and more).
While the success of most of these films rely on the immaturity of the audience, Smith’s more sensitive side is subtly present. Smith’s screenwriting style tends to attract mostly a mostly younger, male audience.
Each week, Smith and his producer Scott Mosier host a one hour podcast that they’ve coined, SModcast.
(S for Smith and M for Mosier replacing the P from Podcast).
 

 


 

Following Smith and Mosier’s performance, the Tell ‘em Steve-Dave Live team (Walt Flanagan and Bryan Johnson) took the stage with Brian Quinn. The Tell ‘em Steve-Dave Live team had a similar presence with a conversational vibe, sharing stories and interacting with the audience.
 

 


 

  I didn’t know this was happening, and was grateful cause even though I had free tickets, I know alot of people here paid good money and only for an hour that would have sucked. Smith even bested that as after the Tell “em Steve-Dave podcast was over, he even surprised them by coming out and conducting an impromptu post Q&A that was an additional 40 mins of entertainment.
Smith is a strange one, I’ll always be grateful for the good times and associate Clerks, and Chasing Amy , with very pivotal times in my life. However, I just don’t know where he’s going with all of this. On one hand, he seems to be ahead of the curve as always, doing something progressive, edgy and in a tech savvy format that appears to be dialed into his core audience. On the other hand, he also seems like he’s so full of himself that he gets paid to talk with his friends that he has now expanded his Podcast network to a different one featuring him EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK, and TWICE ON FRIDAY. Who could stand that much of anyone? Maybe his wife can’t stand him and he needs something to do

 

Hollywood Babble-On w/ Kevin Smith & Ralph Garman – Jon Lovitz’s Comedy Club – Universal City, CA – January 7th 2011

Ok so tonight I was excited as I was seeing Kevin Smith in yet another format and I was interviewing his co-host Ralph Garman after the show for the L.A. Weekly. Ana, sadly was leaving in a few days and this club is in Universal City, so though I had doubts that she would be able to understand the jokes, I figured she might enjoy doing the Universal Walk. We get there and Frank (Manager) is a friend of mine and we were immediately seated up stairs (thanks man). 

Now I’ve written quite a bit about Kevin Smith in this blog, as I was a huge fan of his early work and though I know he tried to position himself as the next John Hughes, he never quite got there and admittedly has been treading water now for as long as he was on top.
It seems that he has found his niche in a speaking capacity, as though you will always think of him as Silent Bob, his speaking engagements seem to be his true calling and as prospered in recent years doing just that.
He and (producer) Scott Mosier have an extremely popular weekly podcast called SMODcast, and now Smith is setting up a Podcast network where he does four others a week on top of slew of other activities and now he’s hosting two more in one night (see later tonight entry). All I could think of was “Man, great work ethic, but when does he see his wife and kid?”.

This particular show discusses current events happening in Hollywood, and includes segments such as Tinseltown Stiffs (where recently deceased Hollywood celebrities are discussed) and Hollywood Helpers (where the pair point out acts of helpfulness or charity among the show business crowd). When discussing current events with Smith, Garman will also perform impressions of famous actors.

It was only slightly entertaining and more of the novelty of “Hey look, it’s Silent Bob”. It works in a comedy club cause it has the shtick-ish feel to it. The show used to be at a place Smith recently purchased to house all of his podcasts , the Smodcastle, (yes for real) but the shows were in too high in demand that they had to be moved here. I never saw any of those shows so I can’t compare but I think having it in a comedy club probably helps with more than just attendance size.
The show started to run over its time, and Smith said not to worry as he was “friendly with the guys in the next show” referring to his pairing with Jason Mewes in the next time-slot doing what Smith himself would no doubt refer to as “going back to the well” in reference to when you have nothing new to offer you go to what’s been proving reliable.
Right as Smith says this I jump as what seemed right behind me was protesting voice screaming “Fuck that shit!, I’m next” as I (and the rest of the crowd) turn around to see Jason Mewes entering to the dressing room that was, yes directly behind me.

The press agent sends a security guard to come get me, informing me its time for the interview, so I tell Ana I gotta go do this.
I enter a small by anyone’s standards dressing room, that is engulfed with smoke (pot/tobacco) and the only people in this little box are me, Garman and Smith, and Mewes and a male friend of his. I’ve seen Smith dozens of times, but it occurred to me that we had never actually met/spoke and certainly not in such an intimate setting, that believe it or not I felt nervous, but only for a second. That’s all the time I had before Kevin, asked me if the pot smoking bothered me (it didn’t) and also if I wanted a hit (I declined).

Ralph was expecting me and greeted me warmly. I made a few polite salutations before getting down to business.

You can read the entire interview here:

The interview lasted roughly 20 mins but 5 mins in, this little room started to fill up, namely with a rather loud-laughing female, I can only assume was Kevin’s wife. Mewes was getting louder and more out of control by the second and kept borrowing my lighter. The humor in the dysfunction and insanity around us was not lost on Ralph and I, as we shared a few jokes of our own, before I wrapped it up because by the 15 min mark, we were having to shout into each other’s ears to communicate.

The room starts to clear a bit and I stay behind having a drink and shooting the shit with Kevin for a bit then he takes off and it then its down to just me and this late 40s, impeccably dressed, over-the-top flamboyantly loud gay man and his female fag hag, with Mewes sitting in the opposite corner wearing headphones and seemingly struggling to concentrate on whatever it was that he was writing down.

I didn’t wanna overstay my welcome but the gay-crew had me pinned and they must have done copious amounts of cocaine before hand because I was stuck in this conversation where they ask questions, but before you can answer they are off on another tangent to the point you don’t even know what you are saying. Mewes was the savior by virtue, but still no less embarrassing as he practically kicked us out of the dressing room. He was cool about it, but we were clearly a distraction and this was his dressing room, not the kind of exit I wanted to make. Whatever, I head back to my seat and get ready for the next show.

(later that night) Jay & Silent Bob Get Old w/ Kevin Smith & Jason Mewes – Jon Lovitz’s Comedy Club – Universal City, CA – January 7th

I return to my seat and asked Ana what she thought of the show, and as I had feared, she really didn’t understand a word of it, but was having fun regardless and enjoying the nature of the evening. She didn’t know who Garman was, but of course she knew who Mewes was, and probably had a fleeting crush on him at some point like most girls seem to of had.

I don’t wanna sound like a dick or be too harsh on the guy, but Mewes talks like a crackhead and only looks about three hits away from being Steven Adler.  That’s not to say that my man hasn’t cleaned up his act, because from what I understand he’s been staying off the dope with the help of Smith and even got married a few years ago. But the damage to his appearance (not to mention, reputation) and his speech has been done and its irreversible.

The thing that struck me was Mewes has this whole drug-casualty-as-phoenix rising thing going, where that’s what you think of when you see him. Like, we almost lost this person to the point where we never recover from it and see him as we see everyone else, we still see him as on the edge or keep up the good work buddy but we don’t have the ability to see him as just Mewes anymore. The topic of his drug use, where should be kinda old news was on the tip of everyone’s tongue, especially Smith’s and he was the man with the microphone. They have maintained a dynamic relationship that is fascinating to watch. Mewes will tell a long-winded and often tragic story about memories from his childhood. Smith will jump in periodically with a sarcastic comment and quick punch line.

For their finale, they play a little game with the audience for comic relief called Let Us Fuck, which was the total what-am-I-doing-with-my-life-by-being-here moment for the audience (myself included) 

Kevin Smith calls out a sex position, and Mewes and an audience member have to imitate it, come up with what our version would be, based on what the name sounds like. (yes this really happend…and the prize was dildos for girls and artificial vaginas for the guys..courtesy of the show’s sponsor…Fleshlight).

Masters of Comedy w/Carol Burnett & Tim Conway + checking in w/ Sarah Silverman, Aqua Teen Hunger Force & more (April/2010)

Master of Comedy with a wide variety of comedians from the past, present & future.

Sarah Silverman – April 16th – The Coronet – Los Angeles, CA

I didn’t know exactly where the Coronet was, and didn’t know what time Sarah Silverman was going on. I had just learned about the show this morning. Apparently her and her friends do a monthly, intimate, really low-fi gig at this very small theater (holds about 60) what seemed like a live rehearsal, or just a place to try out new material. I got there after the show had already started and quietly made my way to my seat, and thankfully Sarah hadn’t gone on yet. I didn’t really know what to expect, but I knew that this wasn’t some full-blown performance and even when I saw her in NYC she only did just under an hour.
I saw a couple of comedians first, this one Jewish girl, I can’t remember her name was really funny and I would go see her again if I could remember her name. Then Sarah comes out, and seems really uncomfortable and uptight. She settled in and had some good stuff, but she fucked up this one bit, but you wouldn’t have known it, if she didn’t tell you and she was outspoken about it. It gave the feeling that she were in her dressing room and she wanted to run it by you first and felt free to curse and break character when it didn’t go as planned. She was still really funny and looked fantastic :

She only did about 20 mins, and I was a bit disappointed by that, but still I had a feeling that it would be about that length. Two more comedians came on after them and they were really good too, fun show and am glad that I went. As a testament to its casual atmosphere after the show in the courtyard that separates the club, she was just hanging out like everyone else. Not in a, “do you want your book signed?” way, but just a part of the crowd. So much so that when I finished smoking she was sitting in the corner by herself with no one else around. Now, I know that I am a big dork and she is my ultimate celebrity crush (and I know how lame it is to admit even having one of those) but I was trying to get myself to leave and not make a fool out of myself.
Those attempts were unsuccessful, as I contemplated, and second-guessed I finally went over there and said hello and started to talk to her.  We did share a laugh, and it was just cool to talk to her, so I made it brief and got the fuck out of there.

  
An Evening with Carol Burnett and Tim Conway – April 27th Saban Theater – Los Angeles, CA 
 
   Ok so for the first time in Los Angeles, comedy legend Carol Burnett and co-star Tim Conway appeared on a public stage together. They engaged in a conversation about Carol’s new book, This Time Together – Laughter and Reflection and took questions from the audience. Several things stuck me about this affair while I was there: For one, the event, given the buildup and pageantry, was entirely too short. The second thing is that the average age of audience member was over 60. What do those two things have in common? Well I was waaay at the top of the theater, and as I was leaving, it took me so long to get back down because of the elderly crowd that I joked that it took longer to exit than the entire show. (the show was about an hour).
 

 

 

 That’s not to say, that it wasn’t time well spent, because it was actually really great. Tim Conway is still one of the most brilliant and naturally funny people on the planet and he actually threatened to steal the show, as Carol Burnett seemed to have that disposition that I hear alot of comedians have is that, they just don’t feel the need to be funny when not working. And technically though she wasn’t performing she was still onstage, and when they both sat down, Conway came out guns-a-blazing, but she really didn’t come out her shell until the Q&A at the end. Conway seemed to make alot of jokes because of her quietness, and he killed every time. I was literally crying laughing at times.
After the conversation Burnett answered some questions from the audience,and this stuff always embarrasses me because people can be so embarrassing. One guy wanted a kiss, the other wanted her to do her signature Tarzan yell etc. One lady in particular I’ll give a pass to (sorta) as apparently she had waited a long time for this moment to deliver something to Burnett. She was clutching a framed photo that she passed to Burnett and told a story about the guy in the picture. Apparently it was her brother and as children they lived across the street from Burnett. You could tell she expected a huge reaction from Burnett, but she didn’t really sell it at all. She did acknowledge that she knew the person in the picture (which I’m sure was worth the validation). Burnett was still funny and charming and it was a great thrill just to see her in person.
(later than evening) Aqua Teen Hunger Force Live – El Rey Theater – Los Angeles, CASo I didn’t really get this, admittedly, I’m barely a casual fan of the TV show Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but I feel like even if I was, (and maybe even more so) I would think this was pretty lame. The evening included mini-sketches, songs, videos, a ton of audience participation, a couple Squidbillies interludes (including a whole episode), a Meatwad impression contest, a guy who looked a lot like Carl eating cheesesteaks and too few/too underwhelming puppetry moments.

 

 

 

  Now, I will give them credit for packing the show with content, as I missed the first 30 mins (and sadly Schooly D’s entrance) but the thing still carried on for another two hours. The whole thing still felt more like a cash grab than anything really inspired, and its existence is completely unnecessary and does nothing to extend the brand in my opinion, and really hold nothing for its core audience. If you like the show, do you automatically like variety shows with puppets and musicals? Even if their in the likeness of? Too long and too lame.